Would you feel safer with a man or bear? Viral question divides the internet
“Would you rather be stuck in the woods with a man or bear?”
That’s the question dominating social media this week which has some men flummoxed, some women circumspect and the internet hosting more nuanced conversations about misogyny and violence against women, more so than any government or politician in recent weeks.
Screenshot, a UK news organisation aimed at Gen Z, took to the streets and asked women the question that wouldn’t be out of place in an episode of Geoffrey Robertson’s Hypotheticals.
The video has been viewed more than 14 million times, chalked up more than two million likes and serves as a sharp reminder of the epidemic of violence against women and children at the hands of partners, family members and strangers.
The majority of women who have gone on to answer the question chose the bear option.
“A bear, people would believe me if I said a bear attacked me,” one comment, that was liked more than 173,000 times, stated soberly.
“Imagine being in the woods alone and you just see a man start bolting for you, like, that is the scariest thing ever at least a bear is trying to protect itself,” another said.
Having gone viral, it has now spawned a new trend of women then filming the responses of their male partners or fathers with surprising answers.
Most are also saying they’d prefer the women they cherish to be alone with a wild animal rather than risk them being stranded with a “bad man”.
Meredith Steele, who goes by @babiesofsteele on TikTok, posed the question to her husband, asking: “Would you rather our daughter be stuck in the woods with a bear or a man?” To which he replied, “What kind of man?” She then goes on to ask him if he would pick a woman or a bear, to which he says ‘woman’ without hesitation. Eventually, he decides: “I’m leaning towards the bear. Maybe it’s a friendly bear.”
“What if it’s a friendly man?” Steele countered.
Her husband flinched.
“Oh, that’s worse”.
The popularity of the video and question comes at an interesting time locally and internationally, with crimes of violence against women increasing and gaining more attention in places like the UK and US, where there is an average of one fatal bear attack each year, yet the number of women who have been victims of sexual violence is one in 6.
Last week Anthony Albanese hosted a national cabinet meeting and announced measures to target the “national crisis” after the alleged murders of 26 women at the hands of men in the first four months of the year.
That follows mass rallies around the country last weekend demanding more action to keep women safe.
Whether any of the announcements – like banning AI-generated porn – shift the dial on this scourge remains to be seen.
For all the bluster coming from the PM and his government about social media in the wake of the Bondi Junction massacre and Wakeley terror attack, it’s doing a better job than public servants at getting to the core of the issues surrounding Australia’s alarming gendered violence statistics.
It’s the simplicity of this question, rather than Mr Albanese’s word salads, that cuts through and has the potential to be a kernel of hope that these discussions will pop off around dinner tables, brunches and happy hours.
It cuts through the “not all men” nonsense and makes the good men – who are in the majority – actually pause to understand the female perspective.
Women are afraid of male violence, not because they are hysterical or overreacting, but because male violence is a very real threat.
Not all men are violent or monsters, but all women – at some point in their life – have been scared, or at least aware, of their safety.
Netball Australia’s newly installed director Liz Ellis summed up what can’t be quantified in stats, reports or press releases from well meaning ministers.
“There is a fear women live with every single day. I dare you to find a woman who hasn’t been scared in a car park or on a dark street at night. That sort of fear becomes crippling after a while because you know what can happen,” Ms Ellis told The Project.
Sport however is one avenue where change can happen at a grassroots level.
During this weekend’s AFL round, a minute’s silence was observed to honour the victims of domestic, family and gendered violence.
The code also announced a fresh partnership with Our Watch, a not-for-profit organisation that focuses on the prevention of violence against women and children.
The majority of coaches began every one of their post-match press conferences by calling out gendered based violence as an epidemic. “Enough is enough”, they said.
The game’s decision to take such a public stance and also denying North Melbourne champion Wayne Carey the honour of becoming a legend in the NSW Hall of Fame due to previous form where he smashed a glass in his girlfriend’s face in 2007, was widely applauded.
Yet that happened in the shadow of the most recent offender in its ranks – Tarryn Thompson.
Thompson is serving a suspension from the AFL for 18 matches and has been dropped by the North Melbourne Kangaroos for misconduct, including repeatedly threatening a woman with violence. Yet he has been described as a “good man” who deserves a second chance according to Essendon coach Brad Scott.
The usual “do as a I say, not as a do” lines have already been trotted out about the AFL taking a public stance against violence while consistently showing form for giving second, third and more chances to players and icons of the game who use violence.
Yet these narratives undermine the good men who pull on the boots and the fine examples they are setting for boys, girls, men and women, with their professionalism and private conduct.
Something that was on show last week as Adelaide Crows great and former captain Rory Sloane retired after 16 years.
Sloane’s career has been marred by incomprehensible tragedy.
He was an emerging leader at the club when coach Phil Walsh was stabbed to death in 2015 by his son who was living with a severe mental health condition.
Then in 2018, he and his wife Bec, lost their baby boy Leo at 34 weeks. The couple have gone on to be advocates for awareness of child safety and mental health needs ever since.
The parting words from his teammates, his peers and those in the wider AFL community have been those of universal praise for Sloane’s courage, grace and compassion.
The most touching however is seeing how he and teammate Taylor ‘Tex’ Walker share such a strong bond, not just through the game but for becoming fathers at the same time with both remembering being on “bottle duty” together as their most treasured memories.
Walker was in tears as the pair were hugging and kissing at Sloane’s send off. He also nursed Sloane’s child during his final speech to the team as fresh tears welled.
These are the moments the AFL should be most proud of, not public displays of platitudes.
Forget man v bear, I’d love to be stuck with crows like this.
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