The Mocker: How Labor brought peace to Middle East ... and other tall tales
The Times (UK):
US President Donald Trump presides triumphantly at the Egypt peace summit, but those in the know speak of an éminence grise from the antipodes. Despite his reputation for acting unilaterally, Trump never makes a move in the Middle East without consulting the Australian prime minister and his top diplomat.
The New York Times:
What drives this amazing Aussie diplomatic duo? Answer: their unceasing devotion to public duty and their innate altruism. Albanese, the son of a single mother raised in public housing, and Wong, whose paternal grandmother was a housemaid for British colonials in Malaysia, truly understand the suffering of the wretched.
The Washington Post:
Wong has all the traits of the consummate stateswoman. She is erudite, articulate, patient, and reasoned. Even her political opponents acknowledge her bipartisanship and her empathy. She is renowned for her willingness to listen to opposing arguments while treating the opposition with the utmost respect. At Senate estimates, she unfailingly answers every question to the best of her knowledge.
She is devoid of ego, an exemplar of correctitude, the doyenne of diplomats – and complementing all this is her unfailing modesty.
USA Today:
Everyone expected this war to continue well into the next decade. But in August, Hamas capitulated overnight. Morale plummeted. Its militants, notorious for their fanaticism, lamented they had lost their verve.
This was not Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu’s doing. From the moment Prime Minister Albanese declared “Our government has made it clear that there can be no role for the terrorists of Hamas in any future Palestinian state,” the organisation was kaput.
The Telegraph (UK):
Upon hearing Albanese’s pronouncement, Hamas leader Khalil Al-Hayya promptly burst into tears and suffered a nervous breakdown.
“Albanese said we are not allowed to be the boss of Gaza anymore” he said between sniffles. “His word is his bond, and that means we’re cactus.”
The Chicago Tribune:
UN Secretary-General António Guterres will step down next year after completing his second term, and the process for choosing his replacement has been underway for some months.
But sources now say the selection panel has suspended the process in light of peace coming to Gaza. As one anonymous insider told this masthead, “There is only one question about the successor – will it be Albanese or Wong?”.
The Wall Street Journal:
Ruins are aplenty in Gaza, but where there was despair there is now hope. Where there was destruction, there is now construction. Where there were terrorists, there are now philosophers, teachers, florists, and union officials, all of whom who are united in their desire to live in a peaceful coexistence with Israel.
Mention the Australian prime minister’s name to any local here, and without hesitation they beam with delight. In the streets, the coffee houses, and the universities, there is but one name that is constantly chanted reverentially. Forevermore he will be known as the man who delivered justice to Palestinians.
“Albo, Albo, Albo – oi, oi, oi!”
The Jordan Times:
Make no mistake about Albanese’s ability to back up his ultimatum to Hamas. The Australian Defence Force (ADF) maintains a formidable presence in the Middle East, that being a total of 16 personnel seconded to the Combined Maritime Forces in Bahrain.
A highly placed ADF source says Albanese is also open to sending an Army sniffer dog and two dozen ration packs if the situation deteriorates.
Der Spiegel:
“I thought it was a tough job fighting Hamas, but that was nothing compared to standing in the way of Albanese’s peace initiatives,” said a crestfallen Netanyahu.
“I underestimated him. I should have listen to Albanese’s incessant reminders to the world that he’s been underestimated all his life.”
The Los Angeles Times:
Move over Henry Kissinger. Please vacate your front row seat, Monsieur Talleyrand. You too, Herr Bismarck. Geniuses that you were, you nonetheless have been supplanted.
The Boston Globe:
Whether it be in Washington or Whitehall, would-be international manoeuvres at the highest level are now determined by a new benchmark. “How would Albanese and Wong have managed this crisis,” is the first question – and increasingly, the only one.
Al Jazeera:
In any other country citizens would spontaneously take to the streets to effusively thank their prime minister and foreign minister for bringing this bloody and interminable conflict to an end. But Australians are a fickle lot. Talk to them and they will tell you their government is led by a jumped-up, provincial opportunist. Such cynicism.
Vanuatu Daily Post:
Forgive us if we appear impertinent, but is this the same bloke who came over here in September with a half-arsed idea of signing a security agreement?
Le Monde diplomatique:
Inexplicably, Albanese has not been invited to the Middle East peace summit chaired by US President Donald Trump in Sharm el-Sheikh, Egypt. We can only conclude this was an oversight or worse, a snub. After all, even Armenia was invited. So too were Azerbaijan, Indonesia, and Paraguay.
Surely it could not be that Albanese, the self-styled big man of the Pacific, is but a pipsqueak in world affairs?
Daily News Egypt:
Most readers will have never heard of him before (and we confess we too were unaware), but the politician who claims to have brought peace to Palestine is Anthony Albanese. The Austrian prime minister speaks passable if halting English.
* According to The Mocker, who can never be taken seriously.
More Coverage
Trump says chips ahoy to Xi Jinping
Only ignorant and partisan types have dissed Prime Minister Anthony Albanese and Foreign Minister Penny Wong’s claims that Labor’s diplomacy has secured peace in the Middle East. Thankfully, media outlets across the world have vindicated the two, reports the Mocker. *