When enemies gather on Government House lawns

There won’t be a party for this year’s Queen Birthday honourees at Government House, and why not? Too dangerous.

About the only thing Mike Carlton (left) and Tony Abbott have in common is their Queen's Birthday Honour.

So, I have some bad news. Government House won’t be hosting a party for this year’s Queen’s birthday honourees, and why not? Too dangerous, and they don’t mean because of COVID-19. No, OK, that is what they mean, but can it be a coincidence that this year’s list also contains people who absolutely loathe each other?

Can you even imagine Tony Abbott and Mike Carlton standing on the same lawn together?

Former independent MP Tony Windsor.

Then you’ve got Tony Windsor and Tony Abbott. Both were on Monday’s list of honourees, but you will of course remember the 2010 election, where Labor and the Coalition each won 72 of the 150 House of Reps seats and so it was over to the six MPs on the crossbench to decide which party should form government, and you’ll remember how four of them –—Adam Bandt, Andrew Wilke, the long-winded Rob Oakeshott and, yes, Tony Windsor! — decided to give it to Julia Gillard. Ah, the enmity. Goes so well with jam and scones.

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Abbotts and Bishops

The postponement of this year’s reception means Abbott will also miss celebrating with his former love-mum, Bronwyn Bishop (hey, don’t look at me; he’s the one who once described himself as her “love child”.)

Bronwyn Bishop. Picture: AAP

You’ll recall how Bishop caused a massive contretemps for Abbott when she charged taxpayers more than $5k for a helicopter to fly from Melbourne to Geelong for a Liberal Party fundraiser? He then had to stand her down; she then hinted that she was maybe going to be voting for Malcolm Turnbull in the coup; Abbott then endorsed one of her rivals in her preselection, and on it went.

Both names were on this year’s list of honourees, but then, so was just about every politician of recent memory, among them former NSW premier Mike Baird; and former Victorian premier Denis Napthine; former federal Liberal minister Philip Ruddock; former Nationals senator Ron Boswell, and former Labor figure Graham Richardson. Which got me thinking: there’s got to be a collective noun for pollies? I was thinking “an odium” unless you can do better?

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Mike’s musings

Guess who else won’t be going to dinner? Bishop and Mike Carlton, who once said of her: “Bronwyn Bishop is a disgrace to the speakership, the parliament and the nation.”

Bronwyn Bishop is a disgrace to the speakership, the parliament and the nation. So typical of this gang.

— Mike Carlton (@MikeCarlton01) March 19, 2015

Not nice, Mike!

And that got me thinking: has the list always been like this? I can’t say I remember it being so divisive. I mean, sure, there’s always somebody about which you just want to say: seriously?

It happened earlier this year to Bettina Arndt, and now it’s happened to … well, where to begin?

Mike Carlton.

There were one million gibes on social media on Monday about Bishop’s award being for services to aviation, and at least as many complaints about Richardson, and Carlton, who gleefully took on his critics.

“One of the pleasures of getting an AM is annoying dickheads like this,” Carlton wrote in reply to a Twit who called him a “snivelling little hypocrite” for being both a republican and a recipient of a Queen’s birthday honour.

He set them straight, saying: ‘‘Bollocks. The Order of Australia was instituted by Gough Whitlam to replace Imperial Honours. The Queen doesn’t get anywhere near it. Get your facts straight.”

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Gender a pitch battle

It wouldn’t be the Queen’s birthday honours without a stoush about gender. This year’s complaints were about Australian cricket captains Michael Clarke, and Lyn Larsen.

Former Australian women’s cricket captain Lyn Larsen. Picture: AAP

Both made the list but Clarke is now an Officer of the Order of Australia (AO), while Larsen is merely a Member of the Order of Australia (AM).

But hang on: both led Australia to victory in a Cricket World Cup and both won the Ashes. And not everyone thinks it’s fair that he got the higher honour.

Curiously, the Bradman Museum in Bowral congratulated Lyn for a “fabulous contribution to cricket, Lismore and SCG”, but not Michael.

And they wondered aloud: “How can anyone researching their careers both on and off the field separate these two Australian captains?”

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Royals just a joke

Anyway, all the Queen’s birthday references reminded me of one of the better COVID-19 jokes: Prince Charles went into lockdown with COVID-19. Prince Andrew? He was with Chloe, 17.

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Chef dishes up boring

You know who didn’t get a gong? Pete Evans. In case you missed Sunday’s 60 Minutes interview — it was billed an exclusive, like anyone else would have him on — Evans committed the greatest TV sin of all. No, he wasn’t particularly irresponsible. He was boring.

Fanos Panayides. Picture: Facebook

But just for the record, Evans is not the only TV chef fighting the lockdown: Melbourne’s Fanos Panayides, one of the leaders of the Melbourne protest movement, was once a contestant on Family Food Fight. In case you’ve never heard of him, he’s best known for this anecdote, which he repeated on 60 Minutes: “I remember my Dad sat me down and he said, ‘There’s going to be a day in the future that you’re going to get told to put a microchip in you’.”

You sure he didn’t say potato chip, Fanos, Corn chip? Kale chip?

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Resistance is futile

Speaking of the resistance, we came across this from London. Somebody painted “Churchill was a racist” on a statue of the great man, during the #BLM protests. Conservative MP Neil O’Brien’s reply? “Wait til they find out about the other guy.”

A tweet posted by Neil O'Brien MP showing the defaced Winston Churchhill statue near Westminster.