Up there, pollies!

THE competition between the House of Representatives and the Senate became physical yesterday.

THE competition between the House of Representatives and the Senate became physical yesterday when the two houses slugged it out on the Senate Oval in a nine-a-side Aussie Rules game. Our man on the ground reports the star of the occasion was Michael McCormack (Nats, Riverina), who kicked five goals and one behind. Other prominent players included Warren Snowdon (ALP), Alan Tudge (Lib), Graham Perrett (ALP) and Alan Griffin (ALP). The Nationals’ Matthew Canavan started spectacularly for the Reps, but as one of his teammates put it, “Canavan was marking spectacularly but couldn’t kick over a jam tin.” The footballers weren’t allowed to talk, which must have been a challenge for the likes of Perrett and Griffin, who are regular interjectors in question time. At least Bronwyn Bishop didn’t umpire.

Novel excuse

STREWTH is something of an aficionado of apologies by high-profile sporting people after they’ve strayed outside legal behaviour. Generally they read out a statement in which they apologise to their fans because they realise they’re a role model and are deeply sorry for this error of judgment, and call for a line to be drawn under this matter now. But Adelaide Crows star Daniel Talia had a novel excuse yesterday for why he was doing 96km/h in a 60 zone: his cat was unwell. Talia’s lawyer told Adelaide Magistrates Court yesterday that the footballer was distracted when his Bengal cat, Siba, was being sick in the back seat while he was driving, and so he missed the numerous signs saying the speed limit was lowered because of roadworks. Outside court, Talia manned up and said “speeding should not be condoned on our roads”, adding “I’m glad this experience is behind me and I’m looking forward to moving on.” It’s not quite “the cat ate my homework”, but “the cat’s vomiting distracted me” is getting up there.

Times a-changin’

THE grey ponytails were thick on the ground yesterday outside Brisbane’s Tivoli Theatre, trying to score a last-minute ticket to Bob Dylan, who was doing an “intimate” concert at the theatre last night for about 500 people. One of those lining up claimed to have got there at 5am, and by the middle of the day, there were 20 diehards ready to cop His Bobness. Strewth’s spy, picking up tickets at the box office, lamented that it depended on her work, and her boss, as to whether she’d arrive on time. “Put us on the phone to him,” one queuer snarled. “We’ll tell him what’s what.” Weren’t Dylan’s followers supposed to be people of peace? His entourage look friendly enough in this photo of Bob arriving at Brisbane airport for a tour back in 1978.

Too much confusion

SPEAKING of Bob, one member of his audience when he played a larger venue in Brisbane earlier in the week was former treasurer Wayne Swan. In Swan’s book released last week, he said that back in 2008 he had to brief cabinet colleagues about the looming global financial crisis from the bedroom of the teenage son of an Australian embassy official in Washington, which featured a Jimi Hendrix poster. “I couldn’t get his version of Bob Dylan’s All Along the Watchtower out of my head, with its reference to the joker and thief, from whom he can get no relief. It couldn’t get more bizarre than this,” wrote Swan. And so on Monday night, what was Dylan’s encore which had Swan out of his seat? None other than All Along the Watchtower. At least Wayne knew the words.

Not at all tacky

ANYONE who thinks Gareth Evans’ book about life inside the Hawke-Keating government is a dry old read about cabinet processes should check out what Gareth did on Saturday, June 1, 1985. After spraining his wrist via a fall when on rollerskates, Gareth fronts the 40th birthday party of a former undergraduate colleague, who is described as “the most voluptuous Melbourne University undergraduate of her era (and maybe any since)”. “The star attraction, around midnight, was a male stripper rejoicing in the name of Randy Colt, the finale of whose act involved his G-string bursting into flames and having to be blown out at close quarters. It was all, mercifully, funny enough and professional enough not to be totally tacky. But it was a close-run thing.” If you say so, Gareth.

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