Strewth: spies and scones

Kevin Rudd has revealed one of the darkest secrets of the Australian deep state.

Terry Moran, left, and Kevin Rudd in Melbourne. Picture: APP

Kevin Rudd has revealed one of the darkest secrets of the Australian deep state. The former prime minister popped over to Melbourne for a La Trobe University talk on Monday night with his former top bureaucrat, Terry Moran. Billed as the first live discussion between a former head of government and former head of the public service, the two traversed China, climate change, and why the media is bad (you’ve heard it before). Lefty royalty including academic Robert Manne, The Monthly publisher Morry Schwartz and former Labor federal minister Barry Jones were all in the front row. Then Rudd, with a smile on his mischievous wee face, unmasked Moran’s true identity. “You (Terry) were the head of SCONES,” Kevin from Queensland said. Moran, as secretary of the Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet, used to host a weekly meeting of department heads, military and spooks to discuss national security and other grave matters. It was held in the morning so they were served scones. Everyone in Canberra called this group of spymasters and generals SCONES. “Terry was the cream and the jam,” Rudd added. Seriously, this nation is secretly protected by the SCONES. It’s hardly James Bond, is it?

Terry Moran, left, and Kevin Rudd in Melbourne. Picture: AAP

Midler management

Rudd and Moran also bonded on stage over their love of a diva. “I’m a big fan of Michael Bloomberg because he introduced to me Bette Midler,” Moran said. “Ah … I saw her on Broadway in Hello, Dolly!” Rudd replied.

Bette Midler. Picture: AFP

Union boss busted

Michele O’Neil became president of the ACTU yesterday. She’s the fourth woman in the job and a former head of the Textile Union. O’Neil will get a bust in the ACTU head office. Here’s hoping her head (or at least her bronze one) won’t face the same fate as Martin Ferguson’s likeness. The ex-ACTU president’s bust has been missing since he was branded a “rat” for appearing in a NSW Liberal advert at the 2015 state election. A pot plant was put in its place. Strewth sources say the plant has been dying in recent weeks.

Pyne’s crimes

Melbourne headlines have been dominated by youth crime but Christopher Pyne is clearly from Adelaide. When Fairfax reporter Michael Koziol asked Pyne if he was concerned about going to restaurants in Melbourne (as Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton claimed locals were in January), the Defence Industry Minister replied: “Ha ha, no. Should I be?” Pyne then was reminded Malcolm Turnbull defended Dutton against claims his restaurant comments provoked racism against African-Australians just hours before. “Oh! The gangs! The violence!” Pyne exclaimed. Yes, minister. Those gangs, that violence.

Birthday punches

Birthday cakes usually make people happy but they seem to bring Australian politicians nothing but misery. Josh Frydenberg was on ABC News Breakfast yesterday when host Virginia Trioli mentioned it was 47 years to the day since the Energy Minister was delivered by a stork. “Happy birthday, if the ABC had more money we would have bought you a cake,” she said. Frydenberg laughed nervously, Trioli did not. “See what you can do about that,” she added.

Chin’s a wag

SBS managing director Michael Ebeid announced yesterday he was leaving the broadcaster. Cue thousands of Twitter jokes that he would move to Optus, only to return weeks later. Clearly only one person is fit for the top job at the broadcaster. “Best of luck to my boss @michaelebeid who resigned from @sbs today. In other news, I’m now the managing director of SBS. #longlivethequeen,” Lee Lin Chin tweeted.

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