Strewth: say it with thongs

The Christmas spirit has clearly got to Barry Haase, in a good way. We think.

Indian Ocean Territories Administrator Barry Haase gets full points for colour and resourcefulness.

These days, former federal Liberal MP Barry Haase is the Indian Ocean Territories Administrator, a role that sees him getting around Christmas and Cocos islands (as well as Canberra and Melbourne). It’s a gig that’s certainly helped put him in a good frame of mind, sending out a mass Christmas missive that sees him in a philosophical frame of mind before reaching his cheery conclusion: “I’m intending to have a fantastic month off and for that I’m very grateful. My wish for you is that your festive season is satisfying, relaxing and safe. I’ve noticed making someone happy can be very contagious. For the record the attachment (all my own work) is proof positive that effort equals satisfaction.” So here it is, a bit of Haase’s festive message, spelt out magnificently in a rainbow of thongs. We trust this cheers Peter Dutton.

Joy to the world

For some, though, the Christmas spirit has yet to kick in. Exhibit A, Bill Shorten’s presser yesterday.

Journo: “It appears that the PM is making his own robocalls, it came out overnight, reassuring pensioners that the
government’s changes aren’t going to impact on them. What’s your response to him now making robocalls?”

Shorten: “Malcolm Turnbull is the nation’s No 1 crybaby.”

And at the other end of the spectrum, as seen on Today:

Karl Stefanovic: “Arthur (Sinodinos), are you comfortable with the amount of sway Pauline (Hanson) is having and her One Nation Party in particular?”

Sinodinos: “Look, the crossbench are all God’s children.”

No more licence to kill

One of the accidentally great moments of the political year was the saga of Pistol and Boo, the dogs illegally imported into Australia by actors Amber Heard and Johnny Depp. Ultimately, of course, it was the Deputy PM’s star power that was boosted as he ordered the dogs to bugger off, and hinted at their extermination. And that was all before Heard and Depp recorded their apology to the nation, an instant classic that had all the atmosphere of a hostage video, but without the drawbacks. Like the Star Wars franchise, the Pistol and Boo sequel juggernaut shows no sign of slowing. The latest came as Scott Morrison announced the tax break-assisted filming on the Gold Coast of Aquaman (a film Morrison might once have defined as an “in-water matter”).

ScoMo: “(Swagman Motorhomes chief executive) Dave Suttor’s business here, as you can see, provides all the motor homes which go on the set and all the rest of it. He assures me that if Pistol and Boo come, having cleared all relevant quarantines and other elements, Dave can actually provide a miniature motor home for Pistol and Boo. Is that right, Dave?”

Suttor:“That is correct. We will have a little home for Pistol and Boo if Amber would like to bring them on to the film set. That will be in close proximity to her very adequate accommodation that we will provide … ”

Journo: “Treasurer, you don’t have any concerns that your colleague Barnaby Joyce might be worried about bringing Pistol and Boo down?”

ScoMo: “No, because everyone knows what the rules are.”