Strewth: Nearly treasurer

Even at the Financial Services Council Leaders Summit in Melbourne yesterday there was wistfulness. At least from Labor’s Chris Bowen. “Of course, I had hoped to be addressing you today as treasurer,” he told the audience. “I still hope and intend to address you as the treasurer in the future.” Bowen of course did take time to sink the slipper into the bloke who still has the job, reminding the audience it was under Scott Morrison’s watch that the nation’s triple-A credit rating was put on negative watch. He went on: “Australia lost its triple-A credit rating from Standard & Poors in 1986. It took 17 years — nearly a generation — to earn it back.” Artfully he neglected to mention that the loss happened under a Labor government, and the return some seven years after the election of the Howard government. But in a speech in which he had only 3600 words to play around with, sacrifices had to be made.

Kimbo lingo

Beazley popping out.

Another speaker at the summit was Kim Beazley. And the man who brought “boondoggle” back to the attention of a grateful (if briefly flummoxed) nation did not disappoint, spicing his well-received speech with the six-syllable splendour of “contrasuggestibly”. To wit: “Contrasuggestibly, the colour of the Democratic Party in US is blue and the Republicans are red. It’s sort of the opposite to everywhere else but the US likes that.” This more than made up for the disappointment that Beazley was sporting a suit and subtly skewiff tie rather than the epic fawn-hued cardigan he’s been spotted getting around in since his return from his Washington sojourn. Some words Strewth hopes the Bomber (pictured here making a glorious exit back in his defence minister days) will get around to deploying during future engagements include jargogle (to confuse or jumble); kench (to laugh loudly); sanguinolency (addiction to bloodshed); ludibrious (apt to be a subject of jest or mockery); quockerwodger (a wooden puppet controlled by strings); lethophobia (the fear of oblivion); and callipygian (having beautifully shaped buttocks). We were tempted to make this list longer, but didn’t want to come across as greedy.

Out of the running

Those fretting that the relatively recently minted coded phrase indicating a reluctance to answer a query from the fourth estate might not survive into the new electoral term had their fears put to rest by Scott Morrison yesterday.

Journo: “Would you say that is the kind of measure needed though to neutralise Labor’s Medicare campaign?”

Moz: “I would say that I do not intend to do a running commentary on how the government will continue to pursue our fiscal objectives ...”

Blame it on the stars

Between the plagiarism, the invocations of Satan, the calls for Hillary Clinton to be imprisoned, the abandoning of European allies, and the surprise of former rival Ted Cruz taking a dump on the hand that slapped him, the US Republican Convention in Cleveland can only tell us so much about the future of Donald Trump. It may make more sense to look to the heavens to figure out what is in store for the Kremlin’s preferred candidate. The internet provides, at least at payhip.com: “Donald J. Trump’s astrological natal birth chart, showing positions of all planets, plus a full interpretation. ... Discover the astrological influences that shaped Trump’s personality, and continue to shape his destiny. Find out what makes Trump tick!” All yours for a couple of bucks.

Leaving on a high note

In the next issue of Britain’s Radio Times, Miranda Sawyer’s interview with the apparently immortal Keith Richards touches on the death of Richards’s mother. It’s possibly the best short reflection on life’s full stop that we’ve read in ages: “She said: ‘Why me, Keith?’ And I said, ‘You’re 93, Mum.’ That was the best line I could come up with. And she said, ‘This morphine’s not bad, you know.’ And those were her last words to me.”

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