Strewth: Hearing Mal

Apparently Malcolm Turnbull is a “live-by-the-sword, die-by-the-sword type of person.”

The Australian Bar Association (a body for legal types rather than booze hounds) held its national conference dinner in Sydney on Friday night, climaxing in a speech from guest of honour Malcolm Turnbull. It was held in the Cutaway at Barangaroo, a venue partly and pleasingly open to the elements and in view from the street above. Given the media was barred from the event, this openness proved a boon for The Sydney Morning Herald’s Michael Koziol, who positioned himself in the aforementioned street. Up wafted Turnbullisms, among them: “I’m a live-by-the-sword, die-by-the-sword type of person.” While some may be inclined to interpret this as a plea for no further expressions of sympathy, one suspects we’ll be hearing about this sword for quite some time. For good measure, he recycled John Hewson’s already recycled gag about Peter Dutton: “If Peter was the answer, you’d have to ask: what was the question?” (We don’t know if anyone was implored to try the veal at this stage.) Security turned up and, putting to one side the fact Koziol was on public land, got busy. Koziol alleges they went as far as manhandling him before taking the somewhat novel step of weaponising the arts. As Koziol writes, “Then another guard and the event manager used their phones to blast music in this reporter’s ears so that Mr Turnbull was no longer audible.” Where some see a deprivation of aural liberty, others see an act of unsolicited kindness.

Promised land

On a happier note, Simon Birmingham was given this plug by Scott Morrison during an Asia-Pacific Economic Co-operation summit address: “We have a consistent record for negotiating free trade agreements with partners. Stay still long enough and our Trade Minister will do a deal with you.” Which basically makes Birmo the government’s equivalent of Melbourne University Press boss Louise Adler. In the meantime, the poor bugger has to keep dealing with questions about Australia’s embassy in Israel, a topic that does not take him to his happy place. Take this chat with the ABC’s Sabra Lane.

Lane: “Malaysian leader Mahathir Mohamad has warned Australia’s decision risks adding to the cause of terrorism, how worried are you that Dr Mahathir is right?”

Birmo: “Prime Minister Morrison is doing precisely what he said he would do, which is to consult global leaders during this summit season about how we can best progress and achieve a two-state solution between Israel and Palestine …”

Lane: “And sorry, to the point of the question, how worried are you that Dr Mahathir is right?”

Birmo: “Well, all of these factors, all of these potential implications, will be considered as part of the proper process we’re undertaking. This will go through, ultimately, a thorough, proper cabinet process for a final decision, but equally …”

Lane: “And, how worried are you that Dr Mahathir is right?”

In a just world, this is when the theme music to The Magic Roundabout would start to play.

Quality control

Meanwhile, ScoMo has shown an even-handedness bordering on the Solomon-like.

Journo: “What’s our most important allegiance, America or China?”

PM: “Pardon?”

Journo: “What’s our most important allegiance, America or China?”

PM: “They’re both important.”

Just because he won’t play favourites in that arena doesn’t mean the PM won’t pick and choose elsewhere. But not for ScoMo an instrument as blunt as the phrase “fake news”.

Journo: “Why did you block access to, basically, your never offering GST top-up to the Northern Territory, that refer to the lifting of the moratorium? Because the Australia Institute has basically alleged …”

PM: “Oh, the Australia Institute, that well-known, independent think tank. OK.”

Journo: “They are an environmental think tank.”

PM: “They’re a left-wing think tank, so let’s not say they don’t have any partisan bias. OK, next.”

Journo: “OK, is that why you refused access?”

PM: “No.”

Journo: “So if I applied, would you give me the letter?”

PM: “No.”

Caned and able

Strewth is a fan of old expressions given new definitions, so it was lovely to hear one of Richard Gill’s given an airing on the weekend. It was at the celebration of his life at the Sydney Opera House. One speaker shared this from Gill’s memoir Give Me Excess of It. “Catholic education in Sydney in the postwar period was very hit and miss: if you missed the answer to a question, you were hit.” He endured daily canings to arrive at this line, but at least there was some silver lining.

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