Strewth: deft sentence

When the other side transcribes a politicians’ words, it’s usually for a real stinker of an interview.

Was it something Chris Bowen said?

When politicians’ offices transcribe their bosses’ words, they tend to do a bit of tidying up, eliminating at least some of the verbal infelicities. If you want to see one done warts and all, you generally have to wait for a real stinker of an interview, which the other side will then quickly transcribe for the greater benefit of humanity. Or, in the case of yesterday, you just wait for Malcolm Turnbull to do it. “Last night David Speers, doing his best, asked about the renewable energy target,” he began bright and early, the bubble wrap barely off question time. “He asked the shadow treasurer about the renewable energy target and he said, ‘What about the impact to the budget?’ … And this was the answer — Chris Bowen: ‘The, the, the trading scheme post, you know, it, it, it, where some people — where some, um ... It cancels each other out, so yes.’ That’s the answer.” (Social Services Minister Christian Porter would later characterise Bowen’s efforts as Morse code.) Turnbull rolled on. “Mr Speaker, in this age of cyber warfare, had a malevolent hacker intercepted the shadow treasurer’s circuits. What’s going on? Is it in code? We have some of the finest in the world. Will they be able to crack it?”

Say what?

Barnaby Joyce also helped himself to a slice of the Bowen verbal jumble. Which was droll, given this the day before.

Joyce: “The member for Sydney does not like me saying this. Do not worry — you will be next! If the Leader of the Opposition fails, you will be next. You are gone — you will sit back there. The member for Grayndler will come to sit up here and the member for Sydney will go over there. It is all going to happen! There are a couple of others back there — you there might come forward. The member for Whitlam never really was here, so he will go back! It really does not matter, you can see what is happening: you are done and dusted, old mate — the Leader of the Opposition. You are done and dusted. You are all over, ever since you decided that all elections were created different and that there were certain elections that are better than other elections …”

Tony Burke: “I refer to page 505 of Practice, which reads: ‘Although there is no specific rule set down by standing order, the House follows the practice of requiring members’ speeches to be in English’.”

Out and down

Speaker Tony Smith carried out one of his more artful ejections on one of Labor’s black-belt hecklers.

Smith: “Has the Prime Minister concluded his answer?”

Turnbull: “I’m finished.”

Rob Mitchell: “Yes you are, buddy.”

Smith: “So are you, member for McEwen. You can leave ...”

And yea, there was rejoicing.

And yet much of question time settled down to a prosaic hum. Even Paul Fletcher (who the day before in parliament had beaten his chest and flailed his arms in a Linda Burney-bemusing performance that was equal parts King Kong on the rampage and Kermit the Frog being electrocuted), looked flat. But not as much as one denizen of the press gallery, who gently nodded off, emitting a solitary soft snore. Tony Jones would have taken that as a comment.

Chariots of ire

Labor MP Nick Champion managed to invoke William Blake during his doorstop press conference: “What we see here is a government that wants to take us back to ... those dark satanic mills that existed in 19th-century England.” Here’s hoping senator Ian Macdonald slips something into his next speech on pollies’ gold passes: “I will not cease from Mental Fight/ Nor shall my Sword sleep in my hand.”

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