Strewth: bums on seats

The Senate has once again shrugged off an attempt to loosen its mysteriously draconian restrictions on photography.

James McGrath’s late-night Senate survival kit.

The Senate — thoughtfully funded by the taxpayers of Australia — has once again shrugged off an attempt to loosen its mysteriously draconian restrictions on photography. Unlike the House of Representatives, senators are very modest when it comes to being snapped by press gallery photographers while engaging in the act of democracy. That modesty is baffling when you consider what quality it delivers. For example, yesterday as Stephen Conroy got busy backing a metaphorical garbage truck over the Greens and accusing them of feeling “entitled to red leather under their bums”. Whereupon James McGrath, the Assistant Minister to the PM (and self-described chairman of the Bill Shorten Appreciation Society, LNP branch), chimed in with a line that will surely ring through the ages: “What about bottom? I think bottom might be more parliamentary … I prefer bottoms. What about bottoms instead of bums, Mr Acting Deputy President?” Enter Doug Cameron and his Scottish burr: “I’ve been in Australia long enough to know what ‘bums’ means. Bottom is a Pommy thing. I know you’ve been there.” Indeed, McGrath toiled in London for Mayor Boris Johnson. Cameron then reached this conclusion: “Bums is OK.” So that’s that, we guess. As for the photography business, McGrath has at least been helping make up for the Senate-related photo shortfall by adding his own photographic content to the internet, tweeting this snap of Lego Darth Vader and White House kits. “In preparation for a very very late sitting (of the Senate) tonight,” he wrote, “I have come prepared. #darthvaderwasnotthatbad.”

Off into the sunset

Bruce Billson delivered his valedictory speech, bringing to an end Strewth’s sense of denial about his looming departure. Running for a length that Marcel Proust would have been comfortable with, it was in turn funny, poignant and reflective, and loaded with Billsonisms (“small business is the new black”; “personal feng shui”, and so on). It even squeezed in a metaphor about those things that keep avocados fresh for longer, and ventured so far as describing his working relationship with then MP Con Sciacca as “Starsky and Hutch in better-fitting clothes”. Then there was his daughter’s love for Speaker Harry Jenkins, and how she walked about imitating him: “Or-duh!” Pondered Billson, “What kind of child abuse is that?” It was to family he ultimately returned. With the bunch of roses sent by his wife (the speech was at short notice and she couldn’t be there), Billson wrapped it up: “To my family, I’ll be home soon.”

No kicks for Macca

In his own valedictory, Ian Macfarlane displayed his clean scoresheet: “In 17½ years I’ve never been warned once, let alone ejected by the Speaker from this chamber.” Whereupon Craig Kelly, the member for Hughes, piped up: “There’s still time!” (No replicating that score by Tanya Plibersek, punted during question time yesterday. As she left, she appeared to say something to Speaker Tony Smith. It looked terse, though Strewth’s Twitter correspondent Jack Sumner suggests she may have said, “Thank you for your special attention.”)

Waste need watchers

A little shout-out for the website Liberal Waste Watch, authorised by Labor backbencher Pat Conroy. So far only three people like its handsomely designed Facebook page. The story gets worse on Twitter, where it has amassed a modest total of two followers.

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