Speaking volumes on Christopher Pyne

He may have hung up his hat as the Canberra Bubble’s™ official fixer, but Christopher Pyne is busier than ever.

The Christopher Pyne Collection, University of South Australia. Picture: Supplied

News for Pyne-cones: the University of South Australia’s library now has a Christopher Pyne collection!

The former cabinet minister retired at last year’s federal election after serving as the member for Sturt since 1993.

Having hung up his hat as the Canberra Bubble’s™ official fixer (gosh, Josh Frydenberg could have used his help with his $60bn JobKeeper blunder), the former defence minister was appointed an Industry Professor at his alma mater. He then donated a treasure trove of items to the UniSA Library Archive, which also houses collections by ex-Labor prime minister Bob Hawke and former Liberal leader Alexander Downer.

Christopher Pyne in radio mode in Adelaide. Picture: Kelly Barnes

Comprising 33 sub-collections, Pyne’s records include diaries, letters, newspaper clippings, photographs, briefing folders, newsletters, election campaign material, Liberal Party records, merchandise and more from across his political career. There are greeting cards (received and blank not sent), certificates (of appreciation and support) and gifts (official and unofficial).

His favourite? “My collection of US campaign buttons going back to the 1890s, the collection of challenge coins from three years in Defence, the numberless signed menus and programs by prime ministers and notables over 26 years. All make it a noteworthy collection of political memorabilia from a quarter of a century of Australian politics,” Pyne told Strewth.

Christopher Pyne's new book The InsiderPhoto - Supplied

Tragically, Pyne-nuts outside Adelaide will have to wait for the border to reopen to check out (pun intended) the volumes of wordy delights in person. Until then, they’ll have to be satisfied with the latest Pyne line — his new memoir, The Insider. The $43.99, 352pp page-turner is due on June 30 and promises to shed new light on the “craziest 12 years in Australian politics” of “double dealing, friendships and feuds” across the Tony Abbott, Malcolm Turnbull and Scott Morrison years.

Will Liberals (allegedly) hack this one too? Add this tome to his podcast, Pyne Time, weekly column in Adelaide’s The Advertiser and regular television appearances on Ten’s The Project, and Pyne is in serious danger of becoming overbooked. Apologies for all the library puns, we’ll put them on hold.

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Long overdue

As a former library employee (at the Clive James Library in Kogarah) we couldn’t help our shelfs from sharing this fine joke. A man goes into a library and asks for a book on cliffhangers. The librarian says:

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Breath of fresh hair

Disgraced former mayor and property developer Salim Mehajer, who illegally closed a street in western Sydney for his 2015 wedding, debuted a new do in court on Tuesday — a peroxide blond No 1, which happens to be a popular lockdown-locks look.

Yes Salim, that really is buzzare. Picture: AAP

When asked by The Daily Telegraph’s Derrick Krusche about the change, Mehajer offered a pun via text: “Comment regarding my hair? That’s buzzare.” Glad to see prison didn’t dampen his sense of humour.

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Poll positions

How are scrutineers in the Eden-Monaro by-election going to stay COVID-safe? According to the Australian Electoral Commission, it includes lots of washing hands, wearing masks, plastic shields at the ballot issuing point and no early count. Sounds like a long night.

Antony Green. Picture: Supplied

ABC election guru Antony Green has another suggestion: “As the number of candidates for the #EdenMonaro by-election hits double figures, is it time to bring back local nominators? Independents must have 100 local voters as nominators. Why should every registered party have the right to run without local nominators?”

During Barnaby Joyce’s successful 2017 New England by-election, there were 17 candidates, half from outside the local area, 13 of which polled less than 2.5 per cent.

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Buy and cell

Is the Victorian government panic-buying meat? Dan Andrews’s red state is spending an estimated $30m on meat to feed its prisoners over three years, according to government contracts found by our intrepid Melbourne reporter, Remy Varga.

Butcher Joe King from Summer Hill Village Quality Meats have been working 16 hour days to keep up with demand. He said the price of mince has gone up from $9 a kilo to $15 a kilo and chicken is the most popular as wholesalers are putting their prices up because of the increase in demand. Picture: Jonathan Ng

A Department of Justice spokeswoman said buying in bulk saved money, costing just $7.50 a day to feed each prisoner. With mince going for about $8 a kilo, that’s got to be about 375,000kg of meat.

What happens to it all? It goes to Marngoneet Correctional Centre, where it’s butchered and processed into sausages and patties to feed the more than 8000 inmates. Victoria’s prison population has decreased during the pandemic, with authorities reluctant to remand offenders in the face of potentially years-long delays to sentencing hearings.

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Bat out of hell

Here’s a headline that could easily be misconstrued in these uncertain coronavirus times, care of the Nine newspapers — “ ‘I haven’t touched a bat’: Steve Smith”. We’d Wuhan hope not!

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