Shorten washes hands of isolation for birthday party

Bill Shorten enjoys his birthday in parliament on Tuesday. Picture: Getty Images

It was Bill Shorten’s 53rd birthday on Tuesday and he wasn’t going to let a pesky pandemic postpone his parliamentary piss-up.

“Bill’s kindly offered to have everyone over for drinks,” current Labor leader Anthony Albanese announced during the traditional birthday roll call at Tuesday’s caucus meeting.

Onlookers said a smiling Shorten assured the 60 or so MPs his office was practising social distancing and only 10 people would be allowed in at once, as per ACT rules. A Shorten sweet affair? Not quite. We heard it went for more than three hours.

It was the “hot ticket” (aka the only ticket) on the parliamentary social calendar, according to one MP who had spent the day stuck solo in their office. But Shorten wasn’t joking about the COVID-19 precautions. Our spies spotted a staffer with hand sanitiser stationed at the door, greeting each invitee with a squirt upon arrival.

Shorten’s office insists it wasn’t a party, just a quiet drink with a few colleagues in his spacious ground-floor suite. “Everyone felt a lot safer than being in the chamber with Josh Frydenberg,” came the zinger.

Not even news that the dry-coughin’ Treasurer had gone into self-isolation to await his ’rona results could stop the BYO bottle birthday booze-up. A selection of high-end cheese platters and homemade sausage rolls were gobbled up by the mainly Right faction minglers offering 4sq m salutations.

“Everyone was pretty sensible,” one early-attending MP told Strewth. Another confessed: “I only stayed three minutes because I didn’t want to get DonHarwined,” a reference to the dumped NSW Arts Minister caught at his holiday house. But others claimed by the time they arrived later in the eve, it was evident colleagues had “got on the beers’’, as Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews would say.

Shorten is known for his love of fine scotch and, since moving into leadership exile, has been responsible for rages so raucous that revellers end up dancing on tables. On Tuesday, Albanese supporters were clocked loitering in the corridor outside, monitoring who was going in and out. To make sure people were practising good hand hygiene and observing group restrictions? Or to prevent another Otis Group outbreak?

… and birthday bubble

Scott Morrison’s Cronulla Sharks toothbrush birthday present.

It was Scott Morrison’s 52nd birthday on Wednesday. He and mum Marion celebrated in the Canberra Bubble™ with a raspberry and white chocolate cheesecake, new RM Williams boots, and two new Cronulla Sharks toothbrushes.

No man is an island

“North Queensland is like Tasmania, it’s an island,” declared Bob Katter, who celebrates his 75th birthday next week, on the ABC. Katter wants far north Queensland to perform a self-isolation secession from the rest of the state so he doesn’t have to social distance any more. He claims he’s been “forced” to travel to Canberra this week, “with the cries of north Queensland’s doctors, businesses and leaders falling on Brisbane’s deaf ears”.

Not lonely at the top

A lot can happen in 12 months, as Liberal Sarah Henderson learnt on Wednesday. She confidentially emailed all 227 MPs and senators: “I join with the member for Chifley Ed Husic to invite you to join the UK Parliamentary Friendship Group which we are reinstating for the 46th parliament.”

Senator Sarah Henderson. Picture: Alan Barber

Henderson, you might recall, was dumped by the voters of Corangamite last May but re-entered parliament via the Senate late last year after Mitch Fifield was posted to the UN. Her email continued: “As the previous chair of this group between 2013-2019, members played an important role in building a stronger relationship between the Australian and UK parliaments.”

Citing Brexit, a bilateral trade agreement and the COVID-19 recovery, Henderson channelled Malcolm Turnbull, writing, “there has never been a more important time to strengthen our relationship with the United Kingdom”. She informed colleagues, “if you wish to join, please let me know by return email. I look forward to being in touch with our program of events”. The only catch? There’s already a Friends of the UK. It’s co-chaired by Henderson’s Liberal colleague Andrew Laming and Labor MP Chris Hayes. Laming offered a solution “in the spirit of the Commonwealth”: Henderson is now “co-co-chair” of the Friends of the UK.

Tea and symphony

Liberal MP Fiona Martin also issued a correction, after her office accidentally referred not once, but twice, to the “Strathfield Sympathy Orchestra”. A typo that’s music to our ears! What would they play, we wonder? Bittersweet symphony? The Strathfield Symphony Orchestra, on the other hand, received $12,500 from the government to update “ageing orchestral furniture and instruments”.

Fiona Martin. Picture: AP

Is he toying with us?

“I’m so proud of how the Perth community and the Perth electorate have responded during this pandemic crisis,” Labor MP Patrick Gorman told parliament. “Our community has, I believe, the highest number per capita of rainbows and teddy bears in windows of any electorate in the country.” Could we get a bear-hunt fact check, please?

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