Shake it off
Scott Morrison celebrated his 53rd birthday not with cake but with a Man Shake. Strewth can exclusively reveal the Prime Minister is using the meal-replacement drink in a bid to slim down.
Is this a subtle sign that the next federal election is closer than previously thought? Man Shakes are billed as the “fastest and easiest way” for men to “lose the beer gut without losing all the beers”, and cost $44.95 for a bag of 15 shakes.
Dieters looking to shift those pandemic pounds are recommended to replace only two meals a day, and can chose from seven flavours — chocolate, vanilla, coffee, choc mint, caramel, banana and strawberry. We knew ScoMo was a Taylor Swift fan, but we didn’t anticipate he would take inspiration from her 2014 No 1 Shake It Off for his new health kick.
Much like this week’s budget, it appears the PM has taken some inspiration from the Labor Party. A noticeably trim Anthony Albanese has been telling everybody that his near year weight loss — from no booze, twice weekly laps in the pool and extra walks for cavoodle Toto — is part of his prime ministerial push.
Albanese has a treadmill in his office, Morrison has an exercise bike in The Lodge.
Both regimes are a far cry from the dangerous methods employed by Malcolm Turnbull after he lost the Liberal leadership in 2009. With help from a now-deregistered doctor and days of consuming nothing but water, Turnbull lost 14kg. Then again, he did manage to oust the uber-fit Tony Abbott in 2015.
Josh Frydenberg has also opted for an exercise bike in his office during the long hours of budget prep, as he considered it too dangerous to follow Abbott’s lead and hit the actual road.
Strewth caught the Treasurer eating a fun-sized Turkish delight on Thursday afternoon, a well-earned reward for his media marathon of 14 interviews, plus a Press Club grilling, the day before.
Reduce, reuse, recycle
If you spotted sparks of Bill Shorten in Albanese’s budget reply, you weren’t mistaken.
The current Labor leader recruited his predecessor’s speech writer, James Newton, to fine-tune the budget reply.
Newton is considered by senior Labor figures as one of the best speech writers the party has ever seen. That’s high praise.
Since departing after the 2019 election loss, Newton has been working as the government affairs adviser for recycling company Tomra Collection Solutions.
We’re told that Newton laid the groundwork for Thursday’s speech, but the final words were “all Anthony”.
And it’s not just Shorten’s staff that Albanese has been poaching. The “Startup Year” strategy is very similar to a policy announced six years ago.
“After eight long years of failing to invest in innovation under the Morrison government, Australia is already lagging the rest of the world when it comes to accelerating future industries,’’ Thursday’s press release from Albanese said.
A near carbon copy of Shorten’s effort from 2015: “After two years of Liberal government inaction on innovation, Australia is lagging right at the time when we should be gearing up to compete.”
When Strewth asked Shorten — who celebrated his 54th birthday on Tuesday — if he was happy for Albo to be poaching his people (and his zingers), Bill smiled and said: “I’m a team player.”
No love lost
They teach ’em young in the Labor Party! Dozens of baby-faced comrades descended on the Canberra Bubble™ this week to witness Albo’s Light on the Hill.
But the factional drama started a day earlier, when the young Victorian branches of Unity (run by Richard Marles), Labor Left (co-convened by Andrew Giles and Julian Hill), the Transport Workers Union (affiliated to the Left and Marles) and the Australian Workers Union (linked toShorten) all separately booked themselves in for dinner at Kingston Hotel.
When the cherub AWU folk found out their factional enemies would be within earshot, they crossed Lake Burley Griffin to eat at King O’Malley’s pub in Civic.
Who knew the fallout from the bitter preselection battle between powerbrokers for the new seat of Hawke would include food?
Here at Strewth, we don’t have nearly enough column inches to provide a full breakdown of the arguments within the branchless Victorian Labor Party — we’ll leave that to the Supreme Court challenge.
But suffice to say, retired MPs Stephen Conroy and Alan Griffin can’t seem to quit factional warfare.
Beautiful one day
From the team that brought you JobKeeper/Lover/Seeker … here’s one we spotted earlier in the 2021 budget: “an additional 350 places under the Exploring Being My Own Boss Workshop program.”
On the subject of marketing, is Matt Canavan making a play for Tourism Australia boss?
The Nationals senator has repurposed a photograph of Malcolm Turnbull kayaking in the Hunter for a mock travel campaign — “Experience the Pristine Wilderness. Visit coal country, Hunter, NSW.”
A crafty retort to the former prime minister snubbing the Nationals in the NSW Upper Hunter by-election, choosing instead to back independent Kirsty O’Connor.
I'm really looking forward to the next Hunter Tourism marketing campaign ... Thanks again Malcolm! pic.twitter.com/L8gDw25Fli
— Matthew Canavan (@mattjcan) May 11, 2021
What’re you snaring at?
George Christensen can hear the drums of war that Mike Pezzullo was warning us about week ago.
During Frydenberg’s budget speech, the outgoing (in both senses of the word) Nationals MP was busy telling his 76k Facebook followers that “War is coming. We must prepare.”
According to Christensen, the most important thing in the 2021 budget is “the fact that $270bn is going to be spent on our nation’s defence over the next decade”.
“With the Chinese Communist Party mouthpiece, The Global Times, suggesting in recent days that China should bomb Australia with long-range missiles, we need to increase our defence capabilities as rapidly as possible,” he declared.
Hang on — is the member for Manila fighting for his adopted home or Australia?
With 287 Chinese “fishing boats” currently moored off The Philippines, Strewth suspects his view may be coloured blue, red, white and yellow.
Tensions in the South China Sea reached high tide last week when The Philippines Foreign Secretary Teodoro Locsin tweeted: “China, my friend, how politely can I put it? Let me see … O … GET THE F..K OUT … What are you doing to our friendship? You. Not us. We’re trying. You. You’re like an ugly oaf forcing your attentions on a handsome guy who wants to be a friend; not to father a Chinese province.”
Locsin later deleted his explosive missive and apologised for “hurting (the) feelings” of his Chinese counterpart, Wang Yi.
strewth@theaustralian.com.au
Libs should be-Ware what they say about JWH
Could things get any worse for the Liberals in Hughes? Well, strap in. Diary can reveal that Liberal candidate Jenny Ware once called John Winston Howard ‘out of touch’.
Believe in your selfie, Andrew
Kevin Rudd appears to have met his selfie match in Andrew Charlton.
Scott Morrison celebrated his 53rd birthday not with cake but with a Man Shake. Strewth can exclusively reveal the Prime Minister is using the meal-replacement drink in a bid to slim down.