Scott Morrison’s punch line

The COVID cops are closing in on what appears to be evidence of an illegal fist bump between the PM and the former NSW fire boss.

Alice Workman

4 min read

12:00AMJanuary 29, 2021.

Updated 10:15AMJanuary 29, 2021

Old habits die hard: Shane Fitzgibbon and Scott Morrison share a fist bump.

Is this an illegal fist bump between Scott Morrison and former NSW fire boss Shane Fitzgibbon?

The not-so-COVIDSafe snap was taken at the Australian of the Year Awards on Monday night at the National Arboretum in Canberra and posted on the Prime Minister’s Instagram account.

Team ScoMo didn’t answer when Strewth came knocking, so we put on our COVID cop hat (which pairs nicely with a high vis marshall vest) and checked to see if the federal government’s latest advice on hugs, handshakes, high fives and fist bumps had changed.

Spoiler alert — it hasn’t.

According to Greg Hunt’s Health Department, Quiet Aussies should practice physical distancing and “avoid physical greetings such as handshaking, hugs and kisses”.

ACT Health added that in public places, people should avoid contact with those outside their own household “to keep themselves and the community safe”.

The PM isn’t the only pollie to space out on safe spaces.

"We can't do that" ðŸ¤ðŸ™…â€â™‚ï¸ #auspol @AlboMP @JoshFrydenberg pic.twitter.com/Ncqznq7ySR
— Brett Mason (@BrettMasonNews) April 7, 2020

Anthony Albanese palmed off an enthusiastic handshake from Josh Frydenberg in front of the press gallery last April.

“We can’t do that,” the Labor leader said incredulously.

“We can’t. Exactly!” the Treasurer stammered, with a look of panic and a fixed smile as he realised his social distancing faux pas had been captured by a sea of cameras.-

The Watchmen

“Like shuffling deck chairs on the Titanic,” is how one senior Labor politician described Anthony Albanese’s latest frontbench musical chairs.

Which will soon be known as his “Ich bin ein Joe Biden” moment.

Another pointed to the Thursday’s Doomsday Clock decision. According Dr Rachel Bronson, president of the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists: “The Doomsday Clock remains as close to midnight as it has ever been — just 100 seconds to midnight.” Tick tock.

Congratulations to new Labor leader Joel Fitzgibbon
— Chef Marc (@MRacMC) January 28, 2021

Titanic syncing

Strewth presents … the curious case of the “Fashion Vlogger’s Assistant” and the Australian government’s LinkedIn account.

Our story begins with Canberra fashion designer Naomi Peris, who was hoping to find some casual help.

“I’m a small business, a solo enterprise. I’m not the most computer savvy person, so I just googled free job ads and submitted it on the government JobSearch website,” she told Strewth.

Peris was looking for a personal assistant with a “bubbly personality and can-do attitude” to help with admin at her bridal design studio.

Without her knowledge the “Fashion Vlogger’s Assistant” job ended up listed as an entry level, full-time public service position on the government’s LinkedIn page, and shared with its 16,310 followers.

“Until you contacted me, I didn’t know it was on LinkedIn, but it explains why I have been getting weird applications from Melbourne and Perth, which are nowhere near Narrabundah,” Peris said.

Can’t wait to see influence ScoMo’s latest vlog.

This isn’t the only erroneous employment listing we found.

The Morrison government is apparently recruiting “Mystery Shoppers” in Maribyrnong — with “an excellent memory” and “confidence to role-play and improvise” — paid up to $50 an hour (plus meals or purchases).

That vacancy was originally listed by Above Benchmark, but instead appeared under the official coat of arms.

How did it happen? Was any private information shared? And why weren’t employers informed?

The Department of Prime Minister & Cabinet refused to supply specifics, playing it down as “a number” of ads that were “incorrectly displayed … from a third party job board”.

LinkedIn claims the technical glitch has been fixed.

“To give job seekers better visibility in the market LinkedIn also aggregates free job ads posted on various external job boards and career sites,” Shiva Kumar told Strewth.

“These jobs are only discoverable through a job search or a company’s LinkedIn Page. There were some jobs that were incorrectly displayed on the Australian government LinkedIn page and has been resolved.” And yet … the jobs haven’t been taken down from the gov’s LinkedIn profile, just marked as “no longer taking applications”.

LMAO

The company behind hipster mason jars has firmly planted their anti-panda flag in the small bar sand.

“We are phasing out as many Communist Chinese made products as we can where a quality alternative is available,” Ballmason Australia informed customers this week. Opting instead for local, American or European made.

However, a bigger worry than reds under the bed is the impact the pandemic is having on supplies of the popular glass goblets.

“Realistically we don’t think we will have Ball jars within the first half of 2021,” the email said.

In lieu, the company from NSW’s mid-north coast is offering jar heads big discounts on German and French products.

Quelle horreur! What will the laneway loving Millennials of Melbourne do!

(NB: We tried to make a communist joke but they aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.)

A-mason!

Vote early, vote often

Which word succinctly sums up the last 10 years in Australia?

How about covidiot? Or cancel culture? Surely not onesie or share plate.

The Macquarie Dictionary has kicked off a public poll for its Word of the Decade.

The shortlist consists of top terms from 2011 to 2020 including: burkini; captain’s call; doomscrolling; fake news; first-world problem; fracking; halal snack pack; Karen; mansplain; Me Too; milkshake duck; phantom vibration syndrome; robodebt; rona; and single-use.

For the first time ever, we want to know what your Word of the DECADE will be! We're counting down the words from 2011 to 2020 and we want YOU to tell us which of the Words of the Year properly sums up the decade. Vote for the Word of the Decade now! https://t.co/IWMGeltqg5 pic.twitter.com/upaSDGtRkF
— Macquarie Dictionary (@MacqDictionary) January 26, 2021

Ice, ice, baby

Give them a Walkley! The Pilbara News reported on the double life of a drug-dealing Karratha mum, sentenced to 16 months behind bars this week. The headline? How I Meth Your Mother.