Satan’s stamp duty

Australia Post is refusing to print the devilish designs submitted by the Satanists to the postal service’s ‘Personalised Stamps’ website.

Hail Satan, not Santa, kids!

Hell hath no fury like a Satanist scorned! Brother Samael Demo-Gorgon, founder and leader of the Noosa Temple of Satan (also known as LGBTI activist and former Sex Party candidate Robin Bristow), has been in touch to inform Strewth of a “extraordinary attack on religious freedom” involving Australia Post. Nothing to do with $20k Cartier Watches, this is about stamps.

Australia Post is refusing to print the devilish designs submitted by the Satanists to the postal service’s “Personalised Stamps” website.

The slogans on the range include “Hail Satan, not Santa, kids!” and “Make yours a Satanic Xmas”.

Brother Samael sermonised: “The Noosa Temple of Satan is calling for Australia Post to explain why it is discriminating against Satanists and preventing them from making their own customisable stamps to spread Satanic cheer this holiday season.”

Australia Post told the Satanists they cancelled the order (and provided a full refund) because the design contained “text or images which do not meet community standards or expectations, or which may cause offence to a reasonable person”.

A spokesperson told us it “did not comply with the terms and conditions”.

The devil’s in the detail, we guess. It’s an explanation that doesn’t satisfy the sinners. Brother Samael again:

“Every year, Christians get to have their own stamps. Since Australia Post won’t make stamps that pay tribute to Satanism, we expected, in the name of religious freedom, to be able to make our own customisable stamps.

“We hope that our nation’s greatest defender of religious freedom, Scott Morrison, is watching closely and intervenes in Australia Post once again. If this situation is not immediately rectified, then we will have no other choice than to lay a case of religious discrimination against Australia Post with the Queensland Human Rights Commission”.

One heathen even expressed heartbreak at not being able to have their own hellish stamp.

“I, as a non-Christian, find that this is discrimination against my beliefs. I don’t celebrate Christmas but, in fact, I choose Saturnalia or the birth day of a great man who walked the earth and changed it forever — Sir Isaac Newton.

I was planning to use this order with gifts for that day of celebration on the 25th.” The price you pay for being a literal devil’s advocate.

Times New Ramen

ScoMo (and his Aussie flag mask) ran into a bit of trouble in Tokyo when questioned by this paper’s own political gun Olivia Caisley and the ABC’s Jake Sturmer about the Reciprocal Access Agreement. Roll the tape …

Q: “So there has been progress over the issue of the death penalty?”

PM: “The progress of ensuring that Australia is able to meet its commitments under its international obligations. Yes.”

Q: “Can you just explain what that is?”

PM: “That’s exactly what I just explained to you.”

Q: “I’m not, I’m not clear how the document sets that out?”

PM: “It is satisfied in the series of documents which are now finalised as we move to the conclusion of the agreement, which we hope to be able to put in place next year.”

Q: “So Australians won’t face the death penalty?”

PM: “Australia will comply with all of their obligations in relation to the death penalty.”

Morrison and Japanese Prime Minister Yoshihide Suga sat down to dinner after the signing ceremony was complete — sashimi, Japanese fillet steak with taro, asparagus, burdock and bell pepper.

Australian wine was not on the menu. The leaders instead sampled a 2017 Izutzu chardonnay and a 2015 Solaris Shinshu cabernet sauvignon.

There’s huge Japanese media interest in Scott Morrison’s first ever meeting with Yoshihide Suga. Morrison is the first foreign leader to meet Suga on Japanese soil. It’s also Morrison’s first trip overseas since the beginning of the coronavirus pandemic 🇯🇵 🇦🇺 #auspol @australian pic.twitter.com/0kYLA1HrHt

— Olivia Caisley (@livcaisley) November 17, 2020

Udon know me

A Bill Granger cookbook, Indigenous painting Bush Plum Dreaming by Sonya Patrick Ngwarae and a set of Sydney 2000 Olympic medals were among the gifts Morrison presented to his Japanese counterpart.

Suga is said to have a penchant for the ricotta pancakes served at Granger’s cafe in Tokyo’s Ginza district.

The Dream Time story behind the $730 artwork says “the bush plum seeds were said to have blown across the ancestral lands by strong winds before eventually blossoming into fruit” — perhaps a thinly veiled nod to Suga and ScoMo’s “blooming” relationship.

The gift giving didn’t end there. Shinzo Abe scored two whisky glasses ($151) and a single malt from the Lark Distillery in Tasmania ($241).

Japanese PM Yoshihide Suga pulls out all the stops for Scott Morrison as the two world leaders meet for the first time. Epic performance of the Australian and Japanese national anthems. @australian #auspol 🇯🇵🇦🇺 pic.twitter.com/G2OVYVoC7K

— Olivia Caisley (@livcaisley) November 17, 2020

What the duck

New Zealand’s Bird of the Year comp has been rocked by controversy.

No, dead parrots didn’t vote. Authorities say more than 1500 fake votes were entered for the Little Spotted Kiwi from one IP address.

Oh, and an adult toy store endorsed the hihi — a small, polyamorous, sexually fluid bird with unusually large testes. After 55,000 votes the winner was … Kakapo, the world’s fattest parrot!

This critically endangered bird is said to smell like “the inside of a clarinet case”.

It cannot fly, it hides by day and there are only 213 of them (up from 50 during the 1990s).

“They are slow breeders, they nest on the ground and their main defence is to imitate a shrub,” comp spokeswoman Laura Keown said.

Scientists believe Kakapo can live for about 60 years … if they survive.

#BREAKING New Zealand’s moss-colored flightless parrot, the kākāpo climbs to the top and wins Bird of the Year 2020. pic.twitter.com/k4gCGR0Mu9

— Morning Report (@NZMorningReport) November 15, 2020

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