Protect and serve

IT was chaos as usual for the Palmer United Party yesterday. Clive Palmer slammed down the phone on Perth radio.

IT was chaos as usual for the Palmer United Party yesterday. Clive Palmer slammed down the phone on Perth radio. Unconfirmed reports put Jacqui Lambie on King Island, taking a file to the horns of the famous local cattle in a bid to strengthen the final lines of defence of her home state of Tasmania. Oddly, there was no mention of Glenn Lazarus, although you’d think a rugby prop would be useful in stopping an invasion. Perhaps he was at the gym, getting ready.

Sly dig

STREWTH was mightily impressed with the front page of Brisbane’s The Courier-Mail yesterday: “Lambo”. Others may prefer to lump Lambie and the Palmer United desperados in with another Sylvester Stallone franchise: The Expendables.

Stick it to Clive

THE inevitable suggestion has been made on Twitter: “Pretty soon we’ll be seeing “Don’t look at me — I didn’t vote for him’ bumper stickers around the seat of Fairfax. Made in China, of course.”

Sleepy town

IT is Melbourne, of course, that has taken the title of the world’s most livable city. And The Wall Street Journal has reported it has a second honour that may well explain the first. It’s the world’s best rested city, with residents averaging six hours, 54 minutes of sleep a night. Brisbane had the earliest average wake-up time, 6.29am. Livability explained.

Movable feast

TONY Abbott was in Brisbane, home of the yellow peril. He did his best to be diplomatic about the Palmer mob on the ABC. He had less success with other matters on local commercial radio. “Brisbane’s come 20th in a list of the best places in the world to live,” he was told. “Prime Minister, what sort of a travesty of justice is that?” Came the reply: “I can understand Sydney and Brisbane coming equal first, but how on earth did they put Brisbane at 20th?” Hmm. Strewth seems to recall him telling Melbourne’s Herald Sun just last year that the city by the Yarra had become “my second home”. Perhaps he’s a “wherever I lay my hat” kinda guy.

Chris on fire

FASTER than a speeding bullet! More powerful than a locomotive! Able to leap tall buildings in a single bound! Something similar, it appears, applies to Christopher Pyne. He’s incombustible — or nearly, anyway. A bunch of student Trots in Melbourne made repeated attempts to burn a cardboard cut-out of the Education Minister yesterday. It took multiple efforts and a good dousing with accelerant before their efforts succeeded.

Not taking sides

ALSO protesting is the Forum on Australia’s Islamic Relations. It issued a statement yesterday attacking the PM’s “Team Australia” as “not only divisive” but “simplistic and offensive”. The cutting part came when FAIR director Kuranda Seyit compared the slogan to the Everything is Awesome theme from The Lego Movie.

Drunk as a lord

THE Wars of the Roses have begun anew ever since the remains of Richard III were discovered. Now a new front looks set to open. The BBC reports researchers at the University of Leicester have found analysis of Richard’s teeth and bones shows his drinking habits changed significantly around the time he became king in 1483. The monarch sank a bottle of wine a day, they say. The Richard-as-villain camp will now not only say he was a hunchback so-and-so who did in the little princes in the towers, but a pisspot to boot.

Right track

AND to close: it looks as though trams on the Gold Coast still have a certain novelty factor — even for the drivers themselves, if this sign is anything to go by. It seems a sensible exception to make, given there’s generally not much choice over where to drive your tram.

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