Pollies to put pedal to the mettle for charity Soldier On

Australia’s favourite political spin cycle is on again.

We’ve got some wheelie good news for MAMILs (that’s Middle-Aged Men In Lycra, not furry marsupials). The 2020 Pollie Pedal has finally been rescheduled for September 20-27. The 1000km, eight-day ride was due to start and finish in the Canberra Bubble™ earlier this year but was scrapped due to social distancing. Energy Minister Angus Taylor is set to head up the spin cycle, with usual suspects Kevin Andrews and Tony Abbott in the pack — all raising tens of thousands for charity Soldier On. The former prime minister tends to use the pilgrimage as a pseudo campaign trail, offering up daily doorstops and debuting some suspicious sartorial selections. During a boozy karaoke night at Cootamundra’s Family Hotel in 2016, Abbott was snapped in a “colsi” (COLlared SInglet). It’s a pity this year’s effort couldn’t coincide with this week’s Eden-Monaro by-election. We’re sure Abbott would have loved to offer a *cough* helping hand to Liberal candidate Fiona Kotvojs on any issue (and no doubt cause a chain reaction) ahead of Saturday’s poll.

My giddy Aunty

John Barilaro can also be added to the *cough* helpful list, we assume for Nationals candidate Trevor Hicks. The NSW Deputy Premier — himself a nominee for the 2020 Mal Meninga Political Brevity Award after his brief parlay with the punters of Eden-Monaro — has penned a letter to PM Scott Morrison and DPM Michael McCormack about the “devastating” budget cuts to the ABC that will cost as many as 250 jobs. It’s an “incomprehensible failure”, according to Barra, that the feds ignored Aunty’s horse-trading offer to spend millions in the regions if it dumped the funding freeze (which grey-suited and grey-faced Communications Minister Paul Fletcher claims is “no cut … funding is stable”). We’re surprised Barra stopped short of suggesting a move of the ABC’s HQ from latte-sipping inner Sydney to flat-white foaming Queanbeyan.

Myopic cycle-ops

Forget the “new normal” and “these unprecedented times”. The Greens want a “better normal” in the “unique moment we are in” for das capital. Federal leader Adam Bandt teamed up with ACT boss Shane Rattenbury for a virtual campaign launch on Sunday, three months ahead of the territory’s October election. Talk about a vicious cycle. “Get ready to see a lot more of us,” Bandt threatened. So, what does the Greens’ “better normal” include? “A cycling revolution package to connect every suburb in Canberra with well-lit off-road walking and cycling paths.” Plus “plans to plant and care for hundreds of thousands of trees, to reach 30 per cent tree canopy coverage across the ACT”. Hardly a different gear. But it’s not easy being Green. The minor party wants members’ cash. “Your donation will go directly towards our campaign flyers to get this message out to as many people as possible,” Greens spokesperson Clancy Barnard emailed supporters. “Donations up to $1500 per year are tax-deductible. With only a few days before the end of the financial year, please donate what you can.” Oh, and they’re selling a “Vote 1 Climate” tea towel for a mere $19.95.

It’s a Pyne line

In case you missed it, here’s the killer line from Saturday’s profile of Christopher Pyne. “Mr Pyne sat down with The Weekend Australian at his new home in the Adelaide Hills … They also have a chicken coop with a rooster nicknamed Malcolm Turnbull. Two other roosters, nicknamed Mitch Fifield and Tony Abbott, had to be put down after they almost pecked each other to death.” Talk about a coup in the coop! The former minister’s tome, The Insider, hits shelves on Tuesday, and has left one Strewth reader rather aggrieved. “My former member for Sturt, Chris Pyne, is charging over the odds for his memoir at $43.99 for 352 pages,” an anonymous South Australian emailed us. “Chris — often known as Pyne-us Radiata in the electorate for his tendency to get a ruddy face in times of angst and excitement — was never one to devalue his worth. A useful benchmark? I recently bought the latest historical novel The Mirror & the Light for $40.00 — for 875 pages, not counting the notes. And Hilary Mantel has won two Man Booker prizes.”

Lockdown locks off

It’s not over until the fat lady sings vaccine, to paraphrase Daniel Andrews about Victoria’s new virus crisis. Bleak City keeps getting bleaker, it seems, but over in Britain, Boris Johnson has announced an end to hibernation. “As eagerly awaited as a pint will be a haircut, particularly by me,” the PM joked.

Stuff happens

One Strewth correspondent was distressed to once again find empty shelves in the toilet paper aisle, despite supermarkets bringing back buying limits. Is this a case of deja poo? OK, we’ll show ourselves out(house) …

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