If you’ve gotta cut loose, stay away from Queensland

Queensland’s borders might be open (to most), but don’t think about kicking off your Sunday shoes in the Footloose state.

Queensland Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk is definitely not kicking off her Sunday shoes any time soon.

There’ll be no Saturday Night Fever in Queensland this weekend.

Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has given the green light for nightclubs (with COVID-safe plans) to reopen across the state from high noon on Friday. But the newly spray-tanned lads and lasses must stay seated and 4sq m apart.

“You can listen to the music,” party pooper Palaszczuk suggested, rolling her eyes as journos pointed out the obvious flaw in a lack of dance floor.

We predict some crying at the discotheque.

It’s reminiscent of the 1984 “classic” Footloose, which stars Kevin Bacon as rebellious teen trying to overturn a ban on dancing and rock music in the small town of Bomont, Oklahoma.

-

Give it a shot

Won’t somebody think of the pubs? Federal Agriculture Minister David Littleproud wants Palaszczuk to scrap the fines slapped on three watering holes for breaking social distancing rules.

Roma’s Royal copped a $6672 fine from plainclothes police for several breaches, including failure to collect contact details. Owner Bruce Garvie plans to fight and has accused the cops of targeting country pubs while 6000-strong crowds in Brisbane watched an NRL game.

“And they think it’s worth their while driving all the way here to do that. It’s a bit of a joke, to be honest,” Garvie said.

$6,600 fine for not social distancing ?? Roma pub owner criticises plain-clothes Queensland Police officers for COVID-19 fine - ABC News https://t.co/I8SAd5Uqok

— chris kelly (@KellyAlspals) June 30, 2020

Littleproud wants Palaszczuk to intervene urgently and to save the family businesses that have already “bled thousands”. “I hope the Premier will see that these fines are too harsh,” Littleproud says. “I’m not condoning the breaches of social distancing that were identified but a fine of $6672 could send this pub broke … Palaszczuk has the chance to reconsider the severity of the fine and give the country pub a break.”

-

Concrete bubble

Victoria continues to be the last kid on the playground picked for soccer at recess, with Queensland reopening its borders to everyone but them.

Here’s an idea: instead of locking down suburbs, should we build a Trump-style wall around the state?

Postcodes of Melbourne suburbs to be locked down are seen on a television screen as Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews speaks to media yesterday. Picture: AAP

Since we’re kicking the potato cake eaters while they’re down, surely the easiest way for Queensland border guards to weed out Bleak City travellers is to offer them a coffee, then wait for them to ask if it’s single origin, cold drip or deconstructed.

If the coffee probe doesn’t expose them, then check their suitcase for black skivvies, ask them to explain how hook turns work, and see if they can name the Queensland NRL team that’s not Brisbane.

-

Bill’s on fire

Bill Shorten is pro-vape! “I think in Australia, we’ve got a contradictory attitude to vaping,” the former Labor leader told Sky News.

“Some people say it’s harmful for your health, I think the jury’s out on that, but what I’m finding is that for a lot of people it’s been a gateway not into smoking, but a gateway out of smoking,” Shorten said while criticising the government’s ban on the import of e-cigs from Wednesday.

Some great comment from @billshortenmp on @TheTodayShow who says that #Vaping has been a gateway out of smoking for some people. Show your support #vapers and share your #Vaping story and how it got you off the smokes below. https://t.co/Z00y59Dweq

— Legalise Vaping Australia (@LegaliseVaping) June 29, 2020

Well, according to Daniel Andrews, smoking can kill you in more ways than one. When asked who was to blame for COVID-19 hot spots (remember, it’s NOT a second wave), one example the Victorian Premier gave was staff working in hotel quarantine: “(They were) keeping their distance but sharing a lighter between each other … an innocent thing that can lead to transmitting the virus.”

-

But wait, there’s more

One Nation is jumping on the end-of-financial-year bandwagon. In an email asking members for money on Tuesday, party national secretary Rod Miles wrote: “Donate $100 or more and we will send you a free gift valued over $20 to say thank you.” Judging by the merchandise for sale on One Nation website’s we would hazard a guess that it’s a pub bar runner with a picture of leader Pauline Hanson ($30) or “special edition” poster of her hanging Australian flags on a Hills hoist ($150).

Queenslander! Let Pauline look after your drinks.

-

Debbie Downer

Alexander Downer ain’t too fond of the ABC’s Q&A. The fishnet-wearing former foreign minister tweeted on Monday: “I’m going to advise the government not to participate in @QandA. One minister and all the rest are political opponents. Better to leave it entirely as a @AustralianLabor @Greens show. The one @LiberalAus guest is only there to be denigrated.”

I’m going to advise the government not to participate in @QandA One minister and all the rest are political opponents. Better to leave it entirely as a @AustralianLabor @Greens show. The one @LiberalAus guest is only there to be denigrated.

— Alexander Downer (@AlexanderDowner) June 29, 2020

Downer may advise, but is anyone listening? Other than Australian intelligence forces who planted bugs in the East Timor cabinet room while he was in government.

Just to make it clear, I expect the @ABCaustralia to be balanced and some of its programs are. My favourite is @abcadelaide especially @DavidBevanSA who gives the @LiberalSAHQ a tough time as he does @alpsa . Done a magnificent job on Annemarie Smith scandal

— Alexander Downer (@AlexanderDowner) June 30, 2020

-

Exercise in democracy

In close-your-eyes-and-think-of-England news, UK Labour leader Keir Starmer has challenged PM Boris “I’m as a fit as a butcher’s dog” Johnson to a push-up comp. Why? Because Boris, in an attempt to show he is “fit, or fit-ish” and “full of beans”, decided to drop to the floor and do a single push-up during an interview. Asked if could do more than one, Starmer said: “I can. In fact I was thinking at PMQs this week maybe question one should be, you know, first to 50.” What say you, Anthony Albanese?

Good evening. Here is the news.

- Boris Johnson can do a push-up and change a nappy.
- Kate Middleton has moved a plant. pic.twitter.com/rFbMKKRlSd

— Barry Malone (@malonebarry) June 28, 2020

[e-mail]