On water matters

Scott Morrison is back singing from the old songbook ahead of next week’s no longer Back in Black budget

Hillsong founder Brian Houston at the White House last year.

Kevin Rudd wanted to be a country that made things. Tony Abbott wanted to be a country that continued to make things. Malcolm Turnbull wanted to innovate things (an idea that spooked not only voters but his own cabinet). And Scott Morrison is back singing from the old songbook ahead of next week’s no longer Back in Black budget. “We make things in Australia. We do it well. We need to keep making things in Australia.” Things such as … a new spa for the Parliament House gym? Strewth spotted a call out for offers to remove the existing spa (adjacent to the pool), then manufacture, supply and install a new one. Who knew taxpayer-funded rest and relaxation for our elected representatives was core parliamentary business? Is that why politicians always find themselves in hot water? The Department of Parliamentary Services told Strewth: “DPS is undertaking a large program of ageing infrastructure replacement and after 17 years unsurprisingly equipment in the Health and Recreation Centre needs to be replaced. As with any ageing infrastructure the costs for maintenance increase and the deterioration of materials can create a health hazard.” As for the price? The public servants will let the market decide. Is that a good idea? Considering the price the government paid for the Western Sydney Airport land, mandarins really shouldn’t be valuing anything.

Rules are rules

Labor deputy Richard Marles received a call from the powers that be in Parliament House this week, requesting a “video clip be taken down promptly” from social media. Why? It broke the Canberra Bubble’s broadcast rules. Who dobbed them in? The Prime Minister’s office. The 30- second snippet — removed from Facebook on Thursday — featured historic question time footage of Scott Morrison calling on Labor PMs to act, juxtaposed with comments shifting responsibility for the bushfires and COVID onto states. A classic of the attack ad genre. According to the Serjeant-at-Arms, footage from parliament can be used only “for the purposes of fair and accurate reports of proceedings”, not “political party advertising”, and “may not be digitally manipulated”. Remember the time ScoMo’s team tweeted footage from QT set to a Fatman Scoop song that inquires “Who’s f..kin’ tonight? The pulled post has been replaced by a new one called: ‘This is the video Scott Morrison doesn’t want you to see”. Marles’ office told Strewth: “Clearly his smirk can’t hide his glass jaw. It says everything about the PM’s office that they’re more interested in monitoring social media and marketing than they are in dealing with the recession.”

Faith book

Houston, we have a problem. Strewth’s thoughts and prayers are with the social media team at Hillsong Church. During the US presidential debate — when Donald Trump interrupted Joe Biden more than 70 times — someone tweeted from the work account: “Can’t they just mute Trump’s microphone!! HE is coming across as such a bully. No respect for him sorry”. Whoops. The megachurch quickly hit delete and wrote: “Earlier today a staff member accidentally posted on this account personal comments about the US presidential debate, that were meant for a personal account. Hillsong does not comment on partisan politics & apologizes. These comments do not represent the views of Hillsong Church.” A curious clarification given founder Brian Houston (the pastor Morrison spent months denying he’d asked to be invited to an official Washington state dinner) appeared in a video on the White House’s official account last year. “Well what an honour to be standing in the White House in the cabinet room and to have just had the chance to pray for President Trump,” Houston said. “I do, as an Australian, really believe that we need a strong America in the world and with America strong the world is a better place.”

"When America is strong, the world is a better place. What a great opportunity it's been to see some of the initiatives that are happening to help freedom of religion." @BrianCHouston pic.twitter.com/NAzBDsFF9t

— The White House (@WhiteHouse) December 9, 2019

Hell toupe

Scott Morrison is no stranger to a debate sledge. Last year (yes, it was only 2019), Bill Shorten accused him of being a “classic space invader” when the pair got close on stage in Brisbane. So, what did the PM make of “the shitshow” in Ohio — not our words, CNN’s succinct summary of the first presidential debate.

2GB’s Ben Fordham: “Did you have time to watch yesterday?”

PM: “Not really, Ben, to be honest, I’ve been a bit busy. I saw a few grabs of it last night. It was pretty robust.”

Fordham: “Is that what ScoMo and Albo is going to look like in 18 months?”

PM: “I’d be surprised. I think our debates are a little less shouty than that, I suspect.”

For the record, Marles told the ABC earlier this week he’s “very confident” that Labor will be a “very competitive choice” at the next federal election. Oh, and he’s “not so concerned about the polls” that put Opposition Leader Anthony Albanese 22 points behind as preferred PM and saw his net satisfaction rating fall four percentage points to 39 per cent.

Find me a find

Is that why Team Albo is recruiting a new press secretary with minimum five years experience? Applications close next Friday for the job whose core responsibilities include “managing radio and online media”. One senior government spy whispered: “After Albo’s pathetic performance at the McKell Institute … I’d be looking for a new press sec too.”

Catch me a catch

Guess who Scott Morrison has dubbed “the new Richard Mercer of Australian politics”? Only Deputy Prime Minister Michael McCormack. Mercer is the luscious baritone behind Love Song Dedications on MixFM, who sadly hung up his headphones five years ago. And Matchmaker Big Mac? Well, he’s encouraging young employed people to take up fruit picking with the promise: “You might find the love of your life out in regional Australia.” A premise the PM “strongly endorses”. Keeping on the bush theme … what is ScoMo’s fav animal? “Look, I am a big fan of koalas, I’ve got to say. I love koalas. And I like it that they get a bit, get the irritates a bit too. I find that quite funny,” he told 5AA Radio. A not so veiled reference to John Barilaro?

Windsor knot

Your suggestions for the title of Harry and Meghan’s new reality show were really on the Markle. Stephen advocated for “Once They Were Windsors”; Graham offered rhyming slang, “Harry and the Trouble and Strife”; Gabrielle thought “Gone With the Windsors”; and Lesley proposed “Palace in Wonderland” plus “Woke in Fright”. But our “Would Watch” award goes to Laura Brice’s for “Upstairs Downstairs: LA”.

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