Norfolk Island mayor Robin Adams emails Canberra over Trump deal talks

A piece in The Betoota Advocate caused quite a stir on the island.

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Norfolk Island Mayor Robin Adams sent a panicked email to Nicole Pearson — the Canberra-based general manager of Norfolk Island and Jervis Bay Territory — and a redacted member of the Department of Infrastructure (possibly deputy secretary Rachel Bacon) on August 22 with the subject: “ScoMo Tells Trump He Can Do Mates Rates On Norfolk If He’s Still Chasing An Island.” Thanks to a Freedom of Information request, Strewth can now share it with you. “Good morning Nicole and (redacted),” Adams fired off at 11:06am. “The below article is today doing the round on Norfolk. You can imagine how it is being received. I would welcome urgent advice please on whether the article is a scam and whether the publication has any credibility. I look forward to your early response. Best wishes.” At 11:25am, another redacted Infrastructure employee (possibly secretary Simon Aktinson himself) replied: “Hi Robin, Thanks for sending this through. The Betoota Advocate is known as a satirical site. There is no credibility to it.”

Blame Denmark

So why the need to clarify that Norfolk Island — the external territory 1600km east of Byron Bay that federally falls in the ACT seat of Bean — was not for sale? On August 20, US President Donald Trump tweeted: “Denmark is a very special country with incredible people, but based on Prime Minister Mette Frederiksen’s comments, that she would have no interest in discussing the purchase of Greenland, I will be postponing our meeting scheduled in two weeks for another time …” And The Betoota Advocate — which calls itself Australia’s oldest newspaper based in regional Queensland — responded with a spoof story claiming Scott Morrison wanted to sell Norfolk Island to the US, complete with fake quotes from the Prime Minister. “I told him that I can do a great deal on Norfolk if he’s still chasing an island. Greenland’s a miserable cold piece of shit anyway. I explained that I can do mates rates for him on our little slice of heaven,” Morrison was quoted as saying. The scoop by “cadet” “Wendell Hussey” continued with more mock ScoMo taking the piss out of the innovative privatisation policy: “Every great prime minister must sell off a valuable Australian asset for a relatively tiny sugar hit, under the justification it’s for the good of the country. Hawkey sold the Commonwealth Bank, Keating sold Qantas, John Howard sold Telstra and I’m gonna sell Norfolk Island. I’m not sure how I’m going to pretend that Norfolk Island will run more efficiently if it’s sold, but I’m sure they’ll find a way to rip people off like the three aforementioned companies if they are. Anyway, Trump’s a businessman and we’ll see if we can cut a deal.”

Island in the fun

As it transpires, poor Adams took the whole thing literally and sought assurances from the mandarins in Canberra that her home was not being sold off for a few bucks to the highest bidder. We can only image what they’ll make of this on the Facebook Group “Boomers mistaking the Betoota Advocate for news”, made up of 30,000 members who share comments made with folksy ignorance (think the “OK Boomer” meme). Other recent examples of Betoota’s biting satire includes: “Westpac CEO’s $2.7m Gold Handshake Great Example Of How If You Have A Go You Get A Go”, “Eddie Obeid’s Release from Long Bay Somehow Improves NSW Labor Brand” and “Nation Getting Pretty Interested In What Kind Of Dirt Angus Taylor Has On Scott Morrison”.

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