Mugs’ game for Libs

‘Aussies aren’t mugs’, PM says. But would you pay $35 for a mug with his face on it?

This ScoMo/Liberals merchandise is sure to be popular with anyone who wants to Make Australia Great Again. Picture: Supplied

“Australians aren’t mugs,” Scott Morrison declared in October last year. But how would quiet Australians feel about paying $35 for a mug with his face on it? The latest tea tumbler being flogged by the Liberals celebrates the 75 years since the party was founded.

It features a haunting image of Pig Iron Bob in shades of blue and white (reminding one Strewth correspondent of a “ghost Jedi”) behind a technicolour Morrison.

Cup runneth overpriced

Despite constant talk of Australia’s strong economy, it appears the Liberals’ online gift shop is on the verge of hyperinflation. Our notes indicate the presidential “Morrison McCormack ’19” mug was going for 30 bucks in April. Now you’ll need another five for a “Stronger Economy / Stronger Borders / Stronger Coffee” cup. A set of two navy blue “How Good is Australia!” stubby holders will set you back $20. A must-have for those who want to Make Australia Day Great Again.

$35 for a ScoMo mug? That’s a big thumbs up from the Prime Minister. Picture: Gary Ramage

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Tense environment

Speaking of being mugged off … Which Coalition MP told Tuesday’s partyroom they thought it was disgraceful that textbooks in some schools say former Labor prime ministers Julia Gillard and Kevin Rudd did a good job on climate change and former Liberal prime ministers John Howard and Tony Abbott did poorly? The MP said the textbooks were “essentially teaching children to vote Labor and vote Green”.

Besties. Picture: AAP

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Hitting the source

“It wasn’t me,” came the Shaggy-style text after Morrison used question time to probe the anonymous sources quoted by The Australian’s Troy Bramston in his latest column. “A Labor frontbencher, a member of the shadow cabinet of which the Leader of the Opposition leads,” the PM said. “Mr Speaker, I don’t know who it was but happy to take suggestions. I’m sure they’ll be made to journalists later.” Strewth spies noticed nine Labor frontbenchers with their head buried in their phones, including Bill Shorten, Tanya Plibersek and Chris Bowen.

Don’t blame Chris Bowen for the leak. He was quite obviously having a snooze. Picture: Gary Ramage

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Deer’s departed

Only one politician consistently makes it worthwhile to tune into Senate estimates: Glenn Sterle. “I was watching (Border Force) the other night and there’s deer penises coming in, in, ah, people’s baggage,” the Labor senator informed the rural and regional representatives.

“Why?” Nationals deputy Bridget McKenzie queried.

“Exactly!” Sterle exclaimed. “Cause my wife said to me, ‘What the heck is that?’ And I’m just thinking, ‘Goodness me. Crikey.’ ”

Asked how he identified the member, Sterle replied: “Because the reporter said what it was. I thought it was a hairy foot.” There wasn’t a dry eye as he held up his index fingers to provide a visual: “12 inches long … Seriously, it was that long.” Sterle’s office says dried deer penises are sought-after in Chinese medicine as a type of Viagra.

How good is Glenn Sterle? If anyone needs a mug, it’s the WA senator. Picture: Matthew Poon

Rookie terror

The void left by departed Liberal senator Ian Macdonald — who once labelled this paper the “left-wing media” — has been more than filled by Sterle’s turn. “If the insignificant insect on your left interrupts one more time, I’ll tell ya what, I’m going to really sort this out,” Sterle complained about rookie Liberal senator Gerard Rennick. “You’ve got a real bright future here, mate. Just put the hand up your back and get you speaking. You’ll go far within the party.” Surely that’s a compliment in Canberra.

TAB tip

Sterle’s disquiet wasn’t just reserved for Coalition ears. When Dairy Australia refused to reveal how much rent it paid for its Southbank offices, he proclaimed: “I can’t believe you’ve come all the way from Melbourne and you just have the Women’s Weekly and the TAB guide.”

Great to catch up with an old mate on the booth today - love your shirt Steve, can I join your club??? #ausvotes #bringithomeforbob #itstime #labor4hasluck pic.twitter.com/kPe2Gl3SSA

— Senator Glenn Sterle (@GlennSterle) May 18, 2019

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