Masked bubble for Parliament House

Could Parliament House possibly be the next place shut down because of coronavirus?

Could Parliament House possibly be the next place shut down because of coronavirus? NSW Liberal Health Minister Brad Hazzard said school closures were “likely to be the new normal”, a thinly veiled reference to Scott Morrison’s bushfire comments. But what about the Canberra Bubble? The Department of Parliamentary Services, which runs the building, emailed an alert at 5.52pm on Friday asking whether any pollies, staff or public servants (not press gallery) were on QF1509 from Sydney to Canberra at 6.45am or (more likely) VA651 back on Friday, February 28, at 2.35pm. “NSW Health and the ACT Health Directorate are asking anyone seated in rows 2-6 on the first flight, or rows 3-7 on the second flight, to self-quarantine,” the email instructs about the flight containing an infected Defence officer now in self-isolation. “Anyone else travelling on these flights are not considered to be close contacts and should monitor their health until 13 March and contact their GP for assessment and testing if they develop symptoms … fever, cough, shortness of breath and breathing difficulties.” DPS told Strewth that no one has replied to their email and it has a “pandemic plan”. We assume because it was a public holiday in the ACT — Canberra Day. Celebrations for the day the capital was officially named included a hot-air balloon show at Old Parliament House, with the return of the SkyWhale. “Truly the breast of times in Canberra. SkyWhale creating new mammaries in the capital,” journo Andrew Brown tweeted. As for the virus, this isn’t the first infection to hit the people’s house. Strewth revealed last month that the childcare centre was battling an outbreak of the highly contagious hand, foot and mouth disease — an outbreak DPS tried to cover up by not informing building occupants, even those whose children attend the centre. At the time, one Labor MP pointed out: “Parliament House is a perfect breeding ground for a supervirus to spread. People bring all their germs from every part of the country into this giant, airconditioned building. It’s worse than a plane. It’s a cesspit for bacteria and infection.” Our sister paper The Daily Telegraph reports there are already public servants in self-isolation.

Don’t hiss him off

Barnaby Joyce wants a “reality check” about the beer virus. Showing shades of Bob Katter, Joyce argues that it poses less of a threat to Australians than snakes. “Look, it’s tragic, we’ve had over 3000 deaths globally, but you’d need about 30 to 40 times that number to equate to the deaths from snake bites,” Joyce told Sky News. Unfortunately for the man who is not the leader of the Nationals, Australia’s average annual death toll from snakebite is two. And the current death toll from coronavirus is three.

The end is not nigh

“It’s a very, very lonely place,” Senate president Scott Ryan reflected during a speech in London last year. “If you come to our Parliament House on the busiest day of the year, which is our budget day, you can still walk down a corridor and not see someone. It is a cavernous building.” Ryan shocked many when he announced on Sunday at his annual BBQ for Victorian Liberal members that he won’t be seeking re-election. He’s hanging around for another two years but we’ll happily use Ryan’s foreshadowing as an excuse to clear up his infamous 2018 WhatsApp status — “Marching to the sea”. Screenshots of the “Friends for Stability” group chat of Liberal MPs organising against Julie Bishop during Peter Dutton’sfailed leadership spill in August 2018 were leaked to Insiders two days after Scott Morrison became PM. Ryan explained to Strewth that his status was a reference to the picture he selected for his profile — William Tecumseh Sherman, the Union army general who led the march to the sea from Atlanta to Savannah and broke the confederacy. Ryan said Sherman was one of his favourite historical characters. “He invented some aspects of modern war but also hated war and did it to bring it to an end more quickly. He’s also the author of the famous ‘Shermanesque declaration’. When people asked him to run for president, he repeatedly refused: If nominated I shall not accept, if elected I shall not serve.” Ryan’s exit means after the next federal poll only one member of the Queanbeyan eight — those at the 2015 dinner held at Peter Hendy’s house the night before Malcolm Turnbull knifed Tony Abbott, attended by Arthur Sinodinos, Mitch Fifield, Mal Brough and Wyatt Roy — will remain in parliament: Liberal Queenslander James McGrath.

Budgeting for hubris

Like his predecessor, Morrison also prefers to send his encrypted messages via WhatsApp. His status? “Getting on with it.” Except in April 2019 when the PM changed it to “Back in Black”.

[e-mail]