Burke forced to confront Pyne’s mane event

It was some way into Tony Burke’s chat with David Bevan and Ali Clarke that a small, Newspoll-powered slip occurred.

Glass act: well-timed synchronised sipping in the ALP pews. Picture Gary Ramage

It was some way into Tony Burke’s chat with David Bevan and Ali Clarke on ABC Radio Adelaide yesterday that a small, Newspoll-powered slip occurred.

Bevan: “You’re manager of government business, it’s going to be a huge day.”

Burke: “I wish! But opposition.”

‘Twas but a small tickle compared to what was coming, which was a deeply necessary follow-up to Christopher Pyne’s Narnia-based musings, as reported by The Sydney Morning Herald. Even by Pyne’s exalted standards, it all came as a surprise and further investigation was warranted.

Bevan: “We learnt yesterday that (Pyne) saw Malcolm Turnbull as his ‘Aslan’. Do you see Bill Shorten as your ‘Aslan’?”

Clarke: “For those playing along at home, Aslan of course is?”

Bevan: “The lion from The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe. Do you, dreamy-eyed, look across at Bill Shorten saying, ‘You’re my Aslan’?”

Burke: “It does fall short of that. I loved those CS Lewis books as a kid. I read them all. Every single one of them. But, of course, Aslan is a bit of a Christ figure and I don’t think any member of parliament quite fits that bill.”

Obeying Oscar Wilde’s dictum that the easiest way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it, a jolly Anthony Albanese asked about it in question time, but luckily not at this moment when his colleagues Tanya Plibersek, Chris Bowen and Mark Butler were mid-hydration. Their choking deaths would have been ruled an on-water matter. Or more correctly, a water-in matter.

Roar deal

At which point we come to the most apposite Aslan-Malcolm moment from the books, when Aslan breaks the news to the kids that they won’t be coming back to Narnia. It even has a Lucy …

“You are too old, children,” said Aslan, “and you must begin to come close to your own world now.”

“It isn’t Narnia, you know,” sobbed Lucy. ‘It’s you. We shan’t meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?”

“But you shall meet me, dear one,” said Aslan.

“Are — are you there too, Sir?” said Edmund.

“I am,” said Aslan. “But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

(Pyne would be a fine Edmund.)

Sorry performances

Politics in the 21st century, as captured with cool precision by AAP: “The Greens leader, Richard Di Natale, has apologised to Kevin Rudd after calling the former PM a sociopath on live TV.” On a more normal note, Coalition senator Arthur Sinodinos marked his return to parliament with, among other things, this: “The only other plea I’d make is Michael McCormack, no more singing.” We asked the Deputy PM and occasional Elvis-impersonator for his thoughts. They arrived as follows: “Arthur, if I made you mad/ For something I might have said/ Please let’s forget the past/ The future looks bright ahead/ Don’t be cruel to a heart that’s true.”

Meat expectations

A rare example of a self-correcting typo, courtesy of the official transcript detailing Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton’s appearance on Sky News. Once the initial pleasantries are dispensed with, the transcript has host David Speers uttering the words: “They do want to give the Immigration Minister, well, (Chris) Bowen’s words were: make the minister the final abattoir on transfers.” A fun spelling of arbiter, one immune to spellcheck. But no matter; Dutton is then recorded as saying: “Well, that’s not what Anthony Albanese was saying this morning on the ABC.” Certainly true.

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