Live and Let Downer

Lights, camera … Downer? How bad was the accent of the actor playing our former high commissioner to London?

Double 0 Downer

Lights, camera … Downer?

Who would have thought the defining moment of Alexander Downer’s vastly entertaining political career wouldn’t be the time he posed in fishnet stockings and a leopard-print stiletto for charity, called South American nations “busted-arse countries” or performed the Beach Boys banger Kokomo at ASEAN?

Putting his best foot forward.

Instead, Hollywood has ensured Downer’s lasting legacy will be a diplomatic cable sent after a cheeky gin and tonic at the posh Kensington Wine Rooms, when former Trump foreign adviser George Papadopoulos bragged that the Russians were involved in the 2016 presidential election.

A fictional version of the pair’s exchange plays out in The Comey Rule — a two-part telemovie following James Comey’s time as director of the FBI under Barack Obama and Donald Trump (screening on Stan from Sunday).

Strewth was lucky enough to score an early viewing and we have some … thoughts.

Former FBI director James Comey.

First: Downer’s role is completely downplayed. The piece of historical fiction goes out of its way to identify every minor player, bar our former British High Commish.

When Comey is briefed on the pivotal cable that sparked Robert Mueller’s investigation (or as Trump called it, a “witch hunt”) into Russia, it’s simply credited to “an Australian diplomat”.

Rude! Did they not realise the comedic value at their disposal?

Brendan Gleeson as Trump.

Second: While Irishman Brendan Gleeson delivers a hair force one Trump and Brit Kingsley Ben-Adir performs a pitch perfect Obama, we can’t say the same for Richard Binsley’s attempt at a South Australian accent. It lacked conviction, ironic given Adelaide’s lack of convicts.

Let’s just say it’s Meryl “a dingo ate my baby” Streep bad.

We’re the first to admit that Aussie accents are notoriously challenging for foreigners and the Adelaide twang is, well, Liberally unique.

Surely it can’t be that hard to find an out-of-work Aussie actor in LA?

But don’t let us be the Henry Higgins arbiter of elocution.

We asked the foremost expert in Downer dialect — Georgina Downer, who listens to her father speak for at least half an hour each week on their GeoPod weekly podcast — to weigh in.

“Ha ha it’s a terrible accent! Sounds more like Murray from Flight of the Conchords than Dad!” daughter Downer said — a reference to kiwi comedian Rhys Darby.

For Five Eyes Only

Here’s how the brief scene in The Comey Rule played out.

Downer: “So, er, you were saying, er … Russia?”

Papadopoulos: “Russia. Wow, are those guys smart. Do you know Professor Mifsud? Joseph Mifsud?”

Downer: “Ah, no, I’m afraid I don’t. Is he Russian?”

Papadopoulos: “Malataner, Malteste, Maltanese. He’s from f..king Malta but he has connections in Russia. All the way up to Putin. We’ve been talking for months.”

Downer: “What about?”

Papadopoulos: “Hillary.”

Dinner for two in The Comey Rule.

Downer: “In what context?”

Papadopoulos: “Russia’s got dirt on her, lots of embarrassing stuff. Thousands of emails and they made them all available to us.”

Downer: “Well, how did they get them?”

Papadopoulos: “Hacked, straight out of the DNC and the Clinton campaign.”

Downer: “And the Russians are making them available to you?”

Papadopoulos: “‘We have dirt on Hillary and we want to help,’ that’s a quote. They said they could release it anonymously, some big data dump on the internet. Timed to do maximum damage to her.”

Downer: “Who else knows about this, George?”

Papadopoulos: “That’s the beauty of it. No one. God bless America.”

Downer: “Indeed.”

Downers Are Forever

Despite being sentenced to 14 days in jail for lying to the FBI, Papadopoulos hasn’t been shy in shouting from the online rooftops his version of what happened that fateful night. He tweeted last year: “I have been right about Downer from the beginning. A wannabe spy and (Bill) Clinton errand boy who is about to get exposed on the world stage.” He delivered a similar soliloquy in 2018: “The notion that Downer randomly reached out to me just to have a gin and tonic is laughable. Some organisation or entity sent him to meet me. For the sake of our republic and the integrity of this investigation, I think it’s time Downer is as exposed as Christopher Steele.” Steele is the former British spook allegedly behind the dossier of potentially compromising (think golden showers) material on Trump. Stop the press! Instead of casting Tom Hardy as the next James Bond, how about … Double 0 Downer in From Rundle Mall, With Love, The Man With the Glenelg Gun, or You Only Live Twice (Unless It’s in Adelaide, Then Once is Enough).

George Papadopoulos leaves the US District Court.

Thunder (malls) ball

Speaking of the City of Churches, did you hear about the pig-headed attack in Rundle Mall? Earlier this week, the iconic bronze pigs — Horatio, Oliver, Truffles and Augusta — were graffitied. One had “Liberal Party” written on it, another “genocide”. But not with spray paint. A local artist suspects troublemakers used an acidic substance to strip the top layer of hide. Luckily, no one touched the Mall’s Balls. Police are investigating and we hear the pigs are receiving the very best oink-ment. Hogs and kisses. Or to borrow a line from Scott Morrison (who took it from George W Bush), a swine example of compassionate conservatism in action. A joke we’re sure the Howard foreign minister would enjoy, given he once quipped that the Coalition’s domestic violence policy should be called “the things that batter” — a reference to the Liberals’ slogan at the time, The Things That Matter.

Babe 2: Pig in the city.

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