Lefties dead in the water when it comes to Dutton

Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton. Picture: Gary Ramage.

Dead to Dutton

Say what you like about Peter Dutton, but the man gives a good quote. Sure he belongs to a government that takes seriously its sacred duty to govern for all Australians (fine print to follow), but the Home Affairs Minister transcended such froth when he went on 2GB and shared his thoughts on the criticisms over his plans for white South African farmers: “Some of the crazy lefties at the ABC, and on The Guardian, HuffingtonPost, can express concern and draw mean cartoons about me and all the rest of it. They don’t realise how completely dead they are to me.” All in all, a bit of a step down from the more conciliatory tone of his celebrated tweet from December 2011: “You dirty lefties are too easy. Enjoy your weekend.” But the “dead to me” thing can be done with greater effect. Take the example of Joseph Stalin. The story goes that there’d be times late at night when the Soviet dictator would gaze from his Kremlin office across the river to the House on the Embankment, the infamous apartment block built for the Bolshevik elite. If he saw a light still burning, Stalin would have a flunkey look up whose flat it was. Then the Great Leader himself would dial their number. The person at the other end, undoubtedly already predisposed to be nervous about any late night call, would pick up the receiver to hear Stalin say, “I didn’t know you were still alive.” Then a click. Anyway, we just thought we’d put that out there. It surely makes a nice change from everyone shouting about fascism.

The Muriel move

Later in the day, it was Malcolm Turnbull’s turn to go on 2GB. When host Ben Fordham made a reference to Turnbull’s perfect timing in coming into the studio the very day after Fordham chatted with Tony Abbott about a promotion, the PM reached for the Muriel’s Wedding quote that’s now the go-to line for a coincidence-free coincidence: “Deirdre Chambers, what a surprise!” It’s been gaining in popularity for a while, but it’s hard to top that time early in 2007 when Peter Costello used it on Kevin Rudd: “It reminded me of the scene in Muriel’s Wedding when the mistress of Bill Hunter walks into the Chinese restaurant and Bill Hunter says, ‘Deirdre Chambers, what a coincidence!’ ‘Brian Burke, what a coincidence down here at Perugino’s on August 1, 2005. I didn’t know you were going to be here, Brian. And while you’re here, I’ll make a speech on China …’ ” It was very funny but, it should be noted, did not put much of a dent in that year’s Kevmentum.

Portraits in Green

Meanwhile in the Senate courtyard at federal Parliament House yesterday, the Greens assembled for their official team photo. Despite the heartache of Batman, we gather it was a jolly enough affair — as one can expect when official government photographer David Foote is running the show. We gather all went as smoothly as a silk fox, with the one tiny exception of when Foote encouraged them to all jump — presumably like in a Toyota ad. Whereupon senator Jordon Steele-John, ensconced in stately fashion upon his wheelchair, lodged a small query.

Curses, he’s spotted

A presser by Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews yesterday served as a timely reminder that swear words can still be found in the wild and not just in bursts of taxpayer-funded profanity on the public broadcaster. Clad in hi-vis, Andrews paid careful attention as citizens in passing vehicles added their own threads to democracy’s rich tapestry, loudly sharing their thoughts about the rorts-for-votes brouhaha. One was supportive, but the more general vibe was captured by the bloke who yelled, “Give us back our f..king money!” Meanwhile, as grumpiness continues about the C-bombing comedian on the ABC, we would like to offer our periodic reminder there are tidy alternatives to that word. And, as mentioned here before, it was one taught to us by our dearly missed friend Elisabeth Wynhausen, the B-52 of C-bombers. It came to light when she described someone as a “special occasion”. As that person was as remote from Wynhausen’s affections as Education Minister Simon Birmingham’s favourite celestial body, Pluto, is from the sun, we asked what she meant. She explained that a colleague had pulled her up for using the
C-bomb and told her, “Elisabeth, you should save that word for special occasions.” It remains our favourite curse.

Joy in the small things

In the queue at Aussies cafe in federal Parliament House: two construction workers in hi-vis, boots, and carrying hard hats — at least one of which bore a Construction Forestry Mining and Energy Union sticker. Their coffee orders? One got a piccolo, the other a double piccolo.

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