Law and border for Barnaby Joyce
Deputy prime ministers … they’re just like us! Barnaby Joyce has been denied entry into the Canberra Bubble™ by ACT Health, after returning home to New England in NSW over the weekend.
No fig deal
The Finance Minister doth protest too much, methinks. Simon Birmingham was uncharacteristically frank when asked about this newspaper’s latest Newspoll, which found Scott Morrison’s personal support has fallen into negative territory for the first time since March 2020. “I couldn’t really give a stuff about the polls,” Birmo told inquiring ears. A unity ticket he shares with Labor MP Pat Conroy: “The Australian people don’t give a fig for polls.”
In arms way
If there is one rule in life that we can all agree on, it’s this: never hit reply-all to an email. That Agony Aunt lesson was apparently missed by our elected representatives, who have been distracting themselves with an e-partisan powwow. It all started when former furniture salesman Craig Kelly sent an email entitled “Urgent see attached”. Attached were two reports from the US Centres for Disease Control and Prevention, citing high infection numbers among vaccinated Yanks. A missive that a majority of the building would have happily ignored and deleted … if it wasn’t for reply-all patient zero, Greens banker Peter Whish-Wilson, who weighed in with: “I’ve always understood vaccinations don’t necessarily STOP the spread of the virus (although they can reduce its spread), rather they are effective in preventing serious illness. Do you accept this M8?” Kelly responded that “the jury is still out” on whether vaccinations make a difference to transmission rates or preventing serious illness. A comment that woke outgoing Liberal Dr Andrew Laming. “Recent delta data doesn’t change the need for vaccines, hygiene, distancing and lockdowns where necessary,” Lammo said. “Just adds to uncertainty.” Not to be outdone, another doc weighed in. Veterinary surgeon and Country Liberal Sam McMahon. “We know that these vaccines aren’t great,” she wrote. “An excellent vaccine is one that provides immunity in close to 100% of people or animals vaccinated and has a long duration of immunity before requiring a booster or even lifelong immunity eg tetanus, measles, mumps.” McMahon attempted to explain the data to Kelly thus: “Think of it this way, if a population of 1000 is fully vaccinated and 20% haven’t responded to the vaccine and all are exposed to the virus, up to 200 people could become infected. An irrational conclusion could be that out of 200 people, who were all fully vaccinated became infected therefore 100% of people aren’t protected at all by the vaccine. That would be, of course complete nonsense and misinterpretation of the data. This is what the researchers mean when they say vaccinated people will represent a larger proportion of cases as vaccination coverage increases.” We asked whether Kelly had fulfilled his promise to get a Covid jab, but have yet to hear back.
If you're symptomatic, get tested. If you're hydromatic, you're Grease Lightning.
— Rhys Nicholson (@rhysnicholson) August 8, 2021
Francis of a CC
Another politician guilty of hitting the reply-all is Labor frontbencher Catherine King. A survey was sent to all upper and lower house members from the Canberra Times, asking if they would support a repeal of Kevin Andrews’ euthanasia laws, which prevents territories from voting on voluntary assisted dying. A question that could have easily been included in Tuesday’s census, along with what sports should we add to the Brisbane 2032 Olympics (netball and wood chopping are our suggestions). Polling from think tank The Australia Institute found 68 per cent of people across the political spectrum support the push. King, for the record, is one.
Good cluck
“A senior cabinet minister once told me that they love playing chicken with the Labor Party because they always swerve,” said South Australian indie senator Rex Patrick, correctly predicting Labor’s capitulation on JobKeeper transparency.
#BREAKING: Labor has capitulated on supporting a law that requires the Tax Commissioner to publish the name of companies that received JobKeeper and the total amount of money they received. Labor are like a dog that rolls over every time @ScottMorrisonMP stares them down. #auspolpic.twitter.com/QoXfq83Lgf
— Rex Patrick (@Senator_Patrick) August 9, 2021
Carrot on a stick
A brown gelding won at the Hamilton Harness Racing Club in Victoria on Thursday, with juicy odds of $12.80. Its name? Isolation.
Through the gift shop
Did Prince Harry and Meghan Markle mull a move across the ditch? Outgoing New Zealand Governor-General Patsy Reddy said she discussed the sheepish option with Sussexes in 2018, more than a year before their much maligned Megxit move to the US. “I remember they’d just been down to the Abel Tasman National Park when we sat down and had a drink, and they said that they could imagine living in a place like this and wondered whether we thought it would be theoretically possible. Even possible for them to have a place in New Zealand,” Reddy told The Associated Press. “Of course, we said ‘Sure. It would be fine’.” Meghan’s estranged elder half-brother Thomas Markle Jr is currently ensconced in Seven’s Big Brother house in Sydney, and claims in a teaser trailer for the “celebrity” series that he sent a scathing handwritten letter about his sister: “I told Prince Harry, I think she’s going to ruin your life. She’s very shallow.” No wonder he wasn’t invited to the wedding. Other celebrity imports for Big Brother V.I.P. include Trump aide Omarosa Manigault Newman and Olympian Caitlyn Jenner. The former member of the Kardashian klan must be an early evictee, as she’s already back in California on the campaign trail for governor.
SNEAK PEEK: Get ready! The VIPs are coming! #BBAUvip coming soon to Channel 7 pic.twitter.com/BvZqyAeKHE
— Big Brother AU (@BigBrotherAU) August 8, 2021
strewth@theaustralian.com.au
Libs should be-Ware what they say about JWH
Could things get any worse for the Liberals in Hughes? Well, strap in. Diary can reveal that Liberal candidate Jenny Ware once called John Winston Howard ‘out of touch’.
Believe in your selfie, Andrew
Kevin Rudd appears to have met his selfie match in Andrew Charlton.
Deputy prime ministers … they’re just like us! Barnaby Joyce has been denied entry into the Canberra Bubble™ by ACT Health, after returning home to New England in NSW over the weekend. Armidale was issued stay-at-home orders on Saturday and Tamworth joined them on Monday afternoon, after two people who travelled to the towns tested positive. It wasn’t so long ago Joyce said regional residents “couldn’t really give a shit” about Covid, because of record exports of coal and beef. Adding: “But we look at Melbourne, and go, you can almost smell the burning flesh from here.” Simpler times! Like when Joyce was dobbed in by a Quiet Australian for not wearing a mask at a Caltex petrol station and fined $200. But it’s not all bad news for Barnaby and Vicki. The Walcha Road Hotel – Joyce’s favourite 4G hotspot, where he recently reshuffled the Nationals frontbench – has closed “out of an abundance of caution” but will be offering takeaway food. Joyce joined Defence Minister Peter Dutton in the virtual parliament on Monday, forced to dial into cabinet and partyroom meetings from home. The National Press Club has also postponed the new (old) Deputy Prime Minister’s first media grilling since his second coming, which was scheduled to take place over lunch on Wednesday. A new date is TBC.