Koala wars: NSW parliament serves up barra

The Macquarie Street catering team has proved that a strong sense of humour always has a place in politics.

Berre and Barra.

In hindsight, it’s remarkable that it took this long for the all gums blazing koala cabal in the NSW government to descend into a food fight.

Tuesday’s highly anticipated joint partyroom meeting turned out to be a fizzer, with no Nationals leadership challenge or mention of the Chlamydia-ridden eucalyptus munchers.

Cue the Macquarie Street catering team!

Proving a strong sense of humour always has a place in politics, state parliament decided to serve up piping hot barra to politicians and staffers.

NSW Parliament's fishy menu.

A culinary homage to the meal Premier Gladys Berejiklian made out of deputy John Barilaro. Flyers for the lunch special in the Strangers Dining Room were posted all around the building on Tuesday — “Grilled Barramundi with a light Sri Lankan curry, carrot sambal, crispy eggplant and sparkling mineral water”. A sofishticated bargain at $19.

One Labor MP remarked: “Not bad, cod do batter.”

If you can reel off a superior fish pun, let minnow and we’ll mullet over.

Despite attempts to consciously uncouple, the Coalition is still together.

Mortal wombat

The next serving of federal democracy sausages is at least a year away, but Scott Morrison was in full campaign mode on Tuesday.

In these COVID-safe times, one can’t be kissing babies. So the Prime Minister did the next best thing and hugged a wombat appropriately named Hope.

Too soon for a koala?

The PM asked “Where’s he from?” as he held the furry friend aloft at the Australian Reptile Park.

“Hope’s mum was hit by a car … up in the Hunter Valley,” came the response from the ranger.

“And how old is she?” he queried.

“About a year; when she came in, she was only a couple of hundred grams,” the ranger said.

“Geeze they’re big aren’t they,” Morrison remarked as he bounced the toddler-sized muscular marsupial in his arms.

“That’s only a third grown,” he was informed.

“How old do wombats grow,” the PM inquired.

“20 to 30 years, they’re long-lived,” the ranger advised.

The Messiah from the Shire wistfully concluded: “Well Hope, there’s a lot of Hope.”

PM @ScottMorrisonMP meets Hope the wombat #auspol @SBSNews pic.twitter.com/ZfuDHD53lc

— Brett Mason (@BrettMasonNews) September 15, 2020

Devil may care

Which reminds us … how is Tasmanian devil Lucy Wicks doing?

The 2.5-year-old female marsupial is the namesake of Liberal MP Lucy Wicks, the member for Robertson on the central coast.

After a few nosy inquires, we’re reliably informed Lucy the devil is loving life at the Aussie Ark sanctuary in the NSW Barrington Tops.

Car and away

A constituent of Labor frontbencher Chris Bowen took Gough Whitlam’s crash or crash through credo a tad too literally on Tuesday, when they drove into the front window of the Labor frontbencher’s Sydney office in Fairfield West.

“A local resident had some difficulty parking. She’s been taken away by ambulance but is doing OK,” Bowen said. “Luckily, there was no one in our office waiting room at the time. Phew …”

A snap showed the white wagon’s front left wheel made it through the glass emblazoned with Bowen’s smiling face.

The Labor member assured us all staff were OK and working from home, as the office would be in intensive car for a while.

While we could make a joke here about the driver offering feedback (or construction criticism) on Labor’s policies, it seemed a step too car.

Chris Bowen’s office is in intensive car.

Pregnant pause

What does Bill Shorten think about gun political reporter Greg Brown’s exclusive scoop detailing the 99-page ALP draft policy platform for the next federal election? The former Labor leader zoomed into Today on day 76 of lockdown for a fireside chat. 

Karl Stefanovic: “There are reports, Bill, that Labor is planning to drop its emissions targets by 2030. I didn’t think you’d ever go soft on those targets.”

Shorten: “I’ve read some reports in The Australian, and no doubt that’ll be part of the party’s policy process before the next election. Climate’s important, but let’s face it, so are jobs.”

Stefanovic: “OK. So that would indicate that you’re going against party policy?”
Shorten: “No, we haven’t set it. What it would indicate, though, is that what I learnt out of the last election is that if you want to convince people the value of taking action on climate, you’ve got to explain to people where the jobs are going to come from.”

Stefanovic: “And emissions targets by 2030, if they were increased, would, I guess, have a negative effect on jobs.”
Shorten: “Well, everyone says we’ve got to lower emissions by 2050. The farmers have said that. Industry says that. I think the important part for all parties to do is show how we get there.”
Stefanovic: “Come on. That means you’re going soft on emission targets, Bill Shorten.”

Shorten: “No, it just means that I’m not the only voice in this debate. It’s all about the jobs after COVID. It’s all about the jobs.”

Stefanovic: “I agree with that.”

Shorten: “In all seriousness, that’s what I think.”

Busting a move

This criminal piece of passive voice jargon landed in Strewth’s inbox, via a Victoria Police press release: “A police firearm was discharged and the man received an injury to the upper body.”

What really happened? The cops shot a man allegedly armed with “an edged weapon” at the Lilydale Marketplace shopping centre in Melbourne’s outer east.

This bureaucratic speak reminded us of a sketch by the Chaser boys on police media training.

“Don’t say: ‘The man ran away.’ Say: ‘The suspect alighted on foot and proceeded in a northerly direction by moving one leg in front of the other at a considerable speed or speeds.’

“Don’t say: ‘The man had a white car.’ Say: ‘The male person had a vehicle which was of caucasian appearance.’

“And don’t ever say: ‘The man buried the bodies.’ Say: ‘It’s believed the male man or mans proceeded to dig a ditch, or ditches, using a shovel, or shovels, and then lowered the deceased’s bodies, or bodieses, into the ground, or grounds.’ ”

Five stars.

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