Knowledge is poower
Are fleeing Canberrans to blame for Covid fragments found in Merimbula’s sewage? The NSW Premier’s No 2, John Barilaro, thinks so.
Sent to a Federal Cabinet Minister from Queensland. You can’t come home. pic.twitter.com/AxrjmZPF7V
— Kieran Gilbert (@Kieran_Gilbert) August 25, 2021
’Tis an ill wind
It’s the question you didn’t know you needed answered: can you catch Covid-19 from farts? The ABC’s omniscient Norman Swan told listeners to his Coronacast podcast that yes, you probably can. Hence why the government is testing our waste water for fragments of the virus shed in faeces. Swan warned flatulent Quiet Australians to avoid passing wind “close” to other folk, adding it was important “that you don’t fart with your bottom bare”. Solid advice, pandemic or no.
Presents accounted for
There’s certainly an art to looking a diplomatic gift horse in the mouth. Scott Morrison has decided not to keep the mere – a highly prized Maori weapon made of jade – he received during his whirlwind trip to New Zealand in May. The Prime Minister was officially welcomed to Queenstown by Ngai Tahu leader Edward Ellison at a ceremony where Kiwi official Martin Wikaira sang a rendition of Waltzing Matilda in Maori. Morrison was presented with the jade mere, a short flat club shaped like a large tear drop, as a sign of trans-Tasman “unity and togetherness”. It is traditionally used in close hand-to-hand combat … surely it would come in handy for the Liberal partyroom? ScoMo’s mere was valued at $1407.55 by NZ, and therefore exceeded Australia’s gift limit – $750 from government sources and $300 from private or industry sources. In order to keep it, he would be required to pay the dollar difference of $1218.31. Instead, the PM decided to consciously uncouple from the weapon and surrender it to his department, which will decide whether it should be added to the rotation of items on display in his Parliament House office (in case they ever visit) or disposed of. The PM does deserve some credit that the mere made it to PM&C. Over in Washington DC, there’s an “ongoing inquiry” into the disappearance of a $7860 bottle of whisky given to former secretary of state Mike Pompeo by then Japanese prime minister Shinzo Abe in 2019. Mysterious!
Trump up your sleeve
The PM obviously didn’t feel as attached to the Kiwi artefact as he did the silver bald eagle cufflinks from Donald Trump or the signed photographs of the Queen and Prince Philip, from QEII herself. He paid $355.30 and $33 respectfully to keep them in his personal possession. Jenny Morrison also forked out $264 to keep a “carved ivory pig tusk bracelet” from the first lady of Vanuatu, Estelle Tallis. Would a proud constitutional monarchist wear one’s bald eagle cufflinks with one’s everyday Australian flag face mask and pin? Or would they clash? Asking for a friend.
They’re fin love
Jacinda Ardern’s North Island nuptials are on hold now that NZ is in a national lockdown. Beau-to-be Clark Gayford confirmed the pair, and daughter Neve, have put prep for the summer wedding in Gisborne on “the backburner”. When he’s not starring in Audible ads, NZ’s first fiance has been busy working on his book Fish of the Day, which captures his best travel tips and recipes. Apparently Ardern is actually pretty good with a rod in hand. “Her first cast she got a 14 pound snapper, her very next cast she caught this huge John Dory – and she thought that was what fishing was always like.” No wonder she’s hooked! “I’ve been teaching her how to soft bait and a style of fishing called speed-jigging and she’s very determined when she sets her mind to it.” What a catch!
Point of order
Could the farce that is question time sink any further than this? Government whip Rowan Ramsey was two sentences into reading his Dorothy Dixer for Small Business Minister Stuart Robert when he realised something was amiss. “I have asked the wrong question,” Ramsey declared. He was meant to quiz Education Minster Alan Tudge. Close but no cigar. “Sorry, no. You’ve asked the question,” Speaker Tony Smith interrupted. “Yes, it’s probably the clearest illustration that it’s not a question without notice, but anyway…” Laughter ensued. The surprise zinger of the day came from Trade Minister Dan Tehan, who thanked Liberal backbencher Warren Entsch for “asking the right question”. Talk about a low bar! Kudos also to Bob “I never use a computer” Katter, who asked his first remote query without a hitch. More than we can say for Health Minister Greg Hunt, who paused mid-answer and tried to probe Labor’s Tony Burke.
"I've asked the wrong question". SA Liberal MP Rowan Ramsey has a question written for him by Stuart Robert. His only task is to read it aloud. He fails. pic.twitter.com/81cNAR4f0f
— Stephen Spencer (@sspencer_63) August 25, 2021
Like a Rolling Stone
“We know the member for Dawson wasn’t born in a crossfire hurricane but he’s got a touch of the cyclone!” Minister Keith Pitt on George Christensen.
Taters gonna tate
Here’s another fun QT fact. Nationals leader Barnaby Joyce revealed that Ken O’Dowd, the outgoing member for Flynn, once bought and renovated an old Rockhampton pub. He renamed it O’Dowd’s Irish Hotel before offloading it in 2004. It’s now known simply as O’Dowds, but one of Strewth’s spies found something called an “Irish Pizza” on the dinner menu. With a creamy white sauce, sliced potato, Irish sausage, mushrooms, chives, bacon and cheese … it’s a spudtacular steal for $12.
What are the chances?
Here’s a tweet that caught our eye from professor Peter Doherty: “My guess is we’re headed for a federal election very soon. Make sure you’re registered to vote, decide what policies are important to you, make the effort to find out the positions of the different parties & candidates & vote for the least worst alternative. BUT VOTE”. Sure … but where’s the modelling?
strewth@theaustralian.com.au
Libs should be-Ware what they say about JWH
Could things get any worse for the Liberals in Hughes? Well, strap in. Diary can reveal that Liberal candidate Jenny Ware once called John Winston Howard ‘out of touch’.
Believe in your selfie, Andrew
Kevin Rudd appears to have met his selfie match in Andrew Charlton.
Are fleeing Canberrans to blame for Covid fragments found in Merimbula’s sewage? The NSW Premier’s No 2, John Barilaro, thinks so … even though the NSW coastal town is a three-hour drive south of the locked-down capital. ACT Chief Minister Andrew Barr refused to be the butt of the joke. “I don’t think sewage detection is quite that sophisticated (that) it is able to tell whether it’s a Canberran’s poo or someone else’s,” a craptivated Barr critiqued. “Does John know something about the poo that other people don’t? I mean, if he got scientific evidence that can back it up, that it’s Canberra poo.” Em-poo-rical evidence? “I mean, seriously, I’m just not interested in having whose poo it was arguments with John Barilaro at the moment.” What a shit show! (Which Strewth has titled Poo And A Half Men.) Meanwhile, federal MPs from Annastacia Palaszczuk’s palatial state — including Peter Dutton and Karen from Home Affairs — are locked out of Queensland until at least September 8.