Just not cricket

Australians come together in times of tragedy — bushfires, floods and when our cricket team brings the country into disgrace.

Malcolm Turnbull and John Key in the kitchen. Picture: Instagram

Australians from all walks of life come together in times of national tragedy — bushfires, floods and when our cricket team brings the country into disgrace. Behold the calls for Steve Smith’s head from the experts who know a bit about leadership spills. Among the Liberals and Nats — who will no doubt be keeping an eye on today’s Newspoll results — Andrew Laming, Richard Colbeck and Darren Chester made their verdict clear while the ultimate Australian cricket tragic, John Howard, let it be known that he shared the “intense disappointment” of fans (but will he hand back his green-and-gold tracksuit if Cricket Australia doesn’t act? Stay tuned). Malcolm Turnbull picked up the phone to CA chairman David Peever to voice the nation’s “shocking disappointment” and Jeff Kennett, who has returned as Hawthorn president with all the vim and vigour of his previous stint, demanded a lifetime ban from international cricket for all involved. From the crossbenches, David Leyonhjelm helpfully compared the issue to politicians who “fiddle with expenses”. “Just imagine if it was a politician fiddling with their expenses, everyone would be howling for them to resign,” he told ABC News. “It seems to me that this might be somewhat similar.” From all of us who peered at our screens to better examine Cameron Bancroft’s crotch and bulging pockets yesterday, it certainly appeared he was fiddling with something.

Moving on

As Smith and Bancroft made their confession, the pair repeated their intention to “move on” and “move forward” from being caught cheating. It’s a sentiment Victorian Labor identifies with, as state Sports Minister John Eren made clear yesterday as he defended his role in the rorts-for-votes scandal that involved party figures misusing $388,000 in public money to pay campaign staff at the past election. Eren, who signed off on timesheets worth $2358 for an electorate officer who instead campaigned in another electorate, said he was reassured the scheme was within the rules as a longstanding “pool staffing arrangement” as he told reporters it was time to “move on” from the debacle revealed by the state Ombudsman last week. Can someone please rule on the minimum number of hours required to examine events before the “nothing to see here” chorus is allowed to begin?

Kitchen catch-up

Away from the cricket, Turnbull spent yesterday visiting the southwest Victorian town of Cobden, which was struck by bushfire last weekend, and perhaps mulling the release of this 29th Newspoll (just one off the magic 30 figure laid down in the great leadership battle of 2015). At least he had an enjoyable Saturday, indulging in a bit of culinary therapy by making his signature passata as former New Zealand prime minister John Key “dropped in to help”. Key was fresh from hanging with best bud Barack Obama, who has whipped through New Zealand and Sydney on a speaking tour. The ex-president didn’t leave the Antipodes without making a few waves however, as the New Zealand Herald reports on a teeny gaffe during his Auckland speech, sponsored by Westpac NZ. Obama twice referred to the bank as “West Bank”, telling his audience Key’s form on the golf course suggested he was getting a lot of practice and that was something “West Bank” might want to consider because “I know he does a bit of work for you”. Key is on the board of the ANZ.

All things Marx

Sadly, Obama has taken his money and jetted out, so he won’t be around on Thursday when Australia’s annual Marxism conference kicks off in Melbourne. Vaunted by organisers as “unrivalled in the Australian political calendar”, the conference will include talks with titles such as ‘‘F..k Mindfulness: a Marxist view of dehumanisation in late capitalism” and ‘‘Everything you ever wanted to know about socialism but were too afraid to ask’’, as well as a panel of Helen Razer and Roz Ward ‘‘in several furious shades of agreement’’. Ticket prices vary according to whether you’re unwaged, waged, high-waged or feeling particularly inclined to cough up more for solidarity.

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