In thrust we trust

Pilot PM Scott Morrison swapped a Top Gun strike fighter jet for an Airbus-sized announcement.

Pilot Prime Minister Scott Morrison and Qantas Pilot Captain Debbie Slade in the cockpit of an Airbus A330.

Pilot PM Scott Morrison swapped a Top Gun strike fighter jet for an Airbus-sized announcement.

ScoMo waved a novelty ticket at Big Mac (Michael McCormack) and the itty bitty Irishman (Qantas boss Alan Joyce) during his plane pork barrelling.

It's BYO novelty plane ticket apparently at today's Morrison press conference...

The route on the ticket: "Sydney to Australia"- rather vague! pic.twitter.com/XRnyjN2Wf4

— Trudy McIntosh (@TrudyMcIntosh) March 10, 2021

What’s the catch of the half-price fares? Quiet Aussies must head to a swinging seat.

Maybe this will cut down on the political mile high club? The VIP “Special Purpose Fights” for pretty fly politicians cost taxpayers more than $2.1m during the first half of 2020, according to recently released Defence logs.

The PM popped on a pilot’s hat for a cockpit photo op, offering a thumbs up out the window.

Why didn’t Environment Minister Sussan Ley get the call-up? The Liberal member for Farrer flies a Cessna 182 around her electorate, which takes in one-third of NSW.

Instead, McCormack aired an acronym love in to rival the late great John Clarke.

“Now, we’re extending, as the Prime Minister has just said, the Domestic Aviation Network Support, DANS. We’re extending the Regional Airline Network Support, RANS. We’re also adding the tourism aviation network support, TANS. So we’ve got RANS, we’ve got DANS, we’ve got TANS, and I know Virgin and Qantas are going to be big fans of what we’re doing today. I know all Australians are going to be big fans of what we’re doing today because it’s going to get those tourists to their places,” the Deputy Prime Minister declared during his press conference performance (which one cheeky online comedian spliced into Tones And I’s pop hit Dance Monkey).

it had to be done. #howgoodareacronyms#joke#auspolpic.twitter.com/e5xla5n87l

— effie ellen (@effie_ellen) March 11, 2021

Queensland Treasurer Cameron Dick flew off the handle with the feds plane speaking.

“There are some dead set head-scratchers in this that seem bizarre — like why can’t Queenslanders be supported to travel to Queensland, why can’t they go to Cairns? Queenslanders want to back Queensland, that’s why our economy is coming back and leading the pack nationally,” Dick said. “People want to go, in Brisbane and in the southeast, they want to go to Cairns but this scheme says no. Instead, we have to go to places like Launceston or Merimbula.”

What’s wrong with that? As the satirical lads at The Betoota Advocate noted: “Queensland Offered Cheap Tickets To Launceston So They Can See A Colder Version of Ipswich.”

Saturday Night Fever

Novel news from the Sunshine State — restrictions are lifting in lifts.

Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk has elevated the numbers in elevators from four to six.

However, Queenslanders partying footloose and fancy free still need to dance 2m apart.

You gotta cut loose!

Hair Force One

Remember Donald Trump?

He’s taking credit for the COVID-19 vaccine.

“I hope everyone remembers when they’re getting the COVID-19 (often referred to as the China Virus) Vaccine, that if I wasn’t President, you wouldn’t get getting that beautiful ‘shot’ for 5 years, at best, and probably wouldn’t be getting it at all. I hope everyone remembers!”

Strewth hopes everyone remembers that Dolly Parton donated $1m to fund research for the Moderna vaccine (which is 95 per cent effective) and sang a parody version of Jolene when she got her jab.

“Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaciiiiiine. I’m begging of you, please don’t hesitate. Vaccine, vaccine, vaccine, vaciiiiiine. Because once you’re dead, then that’s a bit too late.”

Dolly gets a dose of her own medicine. @VUMChealthpic.twitter.com/38kJrDzLqC

— Dolly Parton (@DollyParton) March 2, 2021

Froth Whitlams

As Daniel Andrews’s spine recovers in intensive care, Melbourne Lord Mayor Sally Capp is in talks to introduce 4pm knock-off beers at the end of each working week.

The Property Council of Australia proposed the “Fab Fridays” program — which would require the state to sign off on free public transport — to bring back a buzz to Bleak City and get the spending flowing.

“Five hundred thousand office workers don’t come into the city anymore, and instead we only have 24 per cent of people coming into the city to work in the office,” the council’s Victorian executive director, Danni Hunter, said.

“We’re calling on CBD bosses to introduce a 4pm knock-off pledge, encouraging workers to leave the office together and either go for a walk through the city or enjoy a cheeky after-work drink.”

An eternal hoptimist.

Sharma drama karma

Dahlia-gate is in full bloom.

As Strewth revealed on Tuesday, not everyone appreciated Liberal MP Dave Sharma’s stem service on International Women’s Day — handing out 150 flowers to well-heeled women in his eastern Sydney electorate of Wentworth.

Happy International Women’s Day.

Let’s make it a day when we strive to improve the respect, dignity and equality for every woman, everywhere.#internationalwomensday2021#IWD2021pic.twitter.com/pbpqfGdzp7

— Dave Sharma (@DaveSharma) March 7, 2021

Now Lisa Wilkinson has weighed in. “Look, I just … I can’t quite …” The Project co-host tweeted. “I don’t even know where to start on this, but @davesharma you need to have a rethink on whether in the current conversation, whether PR opportunities with pink flowers that make it look like you’re romancing that woman, are really appropriate.”

To which Sharma sarcastically replied: “Does this mean I don’t get an invitation to the Australia Day party @Lisa_Wilkinson?” With not one, but two crying face emojis. Bah humbug!

We take it that means there’s another spot up for grabs on the guest list of the infamous Independence Day bash hosted by Wilkinson and her bandana-adorned hubbie Peter FitzSimons?

As this paper’s own Nick Tabakoff revealed in Media Diary last month, Stan Grant and his fellow ABC presenter partner Tracey Holmes lost their golden tickets to the annual star-studded Sydney harbourside bacchanal. Why? Because Grant satirised his now ex-friend’s soiree in The Australian’s serialised summer novel Oh Matilda, Who Bloody Killed Her?

“What a woke leftie love-in that was: journos, actors, writers, couple of ex-Wallabies (well it was the north shore), a few washed-up politicians, even a couple of Liberals (small l of course) and a former managing director of the ABC for good measure,” Grant wrote his fictional chapter.

Tou Che

Is Mitch Fifield planning a communist revolution?

A photograph of the former communications minister, now Australia’s ambassador to the UN, caught the eye of Liberals in his old Melbourne stomping ground. Fifield was snapped with Cuban ambassador Pedro Luis Pedroso Cuesta at the Cuban mission in New York.

The pair was standing in front of a picture of Fidel Castro, casually leaning on the marble lectern in the General Assembly. A far cry from the large black-and-white picture of Richard Nixon that adorned the walls of Fifield’s Parliament House office in Canberra.

Has he traded tricky Dick for some new historical inspiration?

Mi Castro, su Castro.

Good to meet with and welcome HE Pedro Luis Pedroso Cuesta, the Cuban Ambassador to the United Nations, to New York. Bienvenido! pic.twitter.com/zdynVobbQh

— Ambassador Mitch Fifield 🇦🇺 (@AustraliaUN) March 5, 2021

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