Hanson’s internet woes are old news

He’s an internet guru with a bajillion dollar fortune, which surely means that he’s on top of all things internet, but no.

Inside the Brickman’s Lego version of Parliament House.

Not up to speed

He’s an internet guru with a bajillion-dollar fortune, which surely means that he’s on top of all things internet, but no. Mike Cannon-Brookes, founder of Atlassian, was on Twitter yesterday, mocking Pauline Hanson for this tweet: “Kids from the bush tell me because their (internet) speeds are so bad they keep getting beaten by gamers from overseas — Unacceptable.” Too right, Pauline. It’s one thing to be swamped by Asians, quite another to have them beating our kids at Candy Crush. Or as one wag had it: “Yes! We are in danger of being pwned by Asians.” But Cannon-Brookes apparently doesn’t agree, describing Hanson’s tweet as “hilarious” and “racist”. Hundreds of likes followed. What wasn’t clear was how Cannon-Brookes had only just discovered Hanson’s tweet, given it was posted back in October 2016, two years and at least one prime minister ago. Hanson’s aim then was improved internet speeds for everyone. “My home is 45 minutes outside of Brisbane can’t even get ADSL2 internet, let alone the NBN … I know so many of you are in the same boat and it’s just not good enough!” she said, at the time Hear, hear, said Stuart Robert. I mean, probably.

A yoo-hoo for Woo

Speaking of Hanson, it’s now been more than 20 years since she made her infamous remarks about Australia being in danger of being swamped by Asians, so it’s perhaps worth asking: what have they ever done for us? Well, tune in to Q&A on the ABC tonight and you’ll see one of Australia’s finest, the cult maths teacher Mister Woo Tube. Who’s he? If you’ve got a kid struggling with maths, you’ll know: Eddie Woo, whose parents emigrated from Malaysia in the 1970s, is a maths teacher at Cherrybrook Technology High School, but mainly he’s famous for his WooTube clips on YouTube, where he explains complex maths problems in a cheery way. He started because he had a student who was sick with cancer and missing a lot of school. The WooTube channel has since had 20 million views worldwide. Bill Gates calls Woo one of the top 10 teachers in the world, all of which is why former PM Malcolm Turnbull named Woo this year’s Local Hero. Anyone else glad we didn’t drain that particular swamp?

Lego brick in the wall

Saturday was Parliament House Open Day, hooray hooray! According to the publicity, there was to be “plenty to keep the young and the young-at-heart entertained”. You could “salute the sun” on the lawns, with Yoga Australia (if you’re not sure how to do this, just stick your bum in the air), but the highlight, surely, was the LEGO Parliament House by The Brickman — a guy who, like a banker who started out foreclosing on his brothers in Monopoly, has basically found a way to monetise his childhood obsession. The Brickman did a “cutaway treatment” on the house so you can see inside. This involved a tiny bit of trickery: they had to move the prime minister’s office from behind the members hall. Take a guess at the occupant, which thankfully didn’t change over the weekend? No, you’re right, they didn’t dare. They kept it empty. There is a blond chap in the toot who looks suspiciously like Kevin Rudd, but surely it couldn’t be? He’s been using New York loos since 2013. Other highlights include people rolling down the house lawns without being arrested; there’s bald, angry-looking dude who is apparently Peter Dutton; plus there’s that dastardly foreigner Larissa Waters breastfeeding her probably illegal alien baby in the LEGO Senate chamber. Best of all though is how The Brickman put a woman holding popcorn in the public gallery for question time. That’s just how we all watch, here at News Corp.

Can’t buy me love

More proof were it needed that, in the search for happiness, money just won’t cut it. Extracts from Damon Kitney’s new book on James Packer — you were agog, right? There is Packer, calling Warren Beatty “dad” and Beatty’s awkward response being like: “I would say he’s a friend.” Then came the bit where Crown employees are banged up in a Chinese prison, but Packer can’t help because he’s busy necking vodka on the couch. Some are wondering why on earth Packer agreed to tell all, but actually more billionaires should do it: we’d all benefit from a clear-eyed look at how horrible that kind of life can be. Kitney, who spent time with Packer in LA, Sydney, Melbourne and Argentina, tells Strewth: “In late March (when Packer had to quit his Crown board positions to concentrate on mental health problems) I felt I didn’t have a book, given the challenges James was facing, which was pretty stressful, but at the start of the project he said he would keep his word to finish it … and to his enormous credit, he did.” Indeed.