Go the extra Marles

It’s a rare person who can bring happiness to Matthew Canavan and Richard Di Natale with a single sentence.

It’s a rare person who can bring happiness to Resources Minister Matthew Canavan and Greens leader Richard Di Natale with a single sentence. But Labor frontbencher Richard Marles pulled off this very miracle when he went on Sky News yesterday and declared: “The global market for thermal coal has collapsed, and wonderful — that’s a good thing — because what that implies is the world is acting in relation to climate change.”

Sure, there were times yesterday when Marles’s expression reminded us of that time Sam Dastyari came a cropper and forlornly said: “I’ve been very, very strongly counselled by Bill Shorten.” But the sight of Canavan and Di Natale — two men united only by their workplace and their Italian heritage — both in their happy places changed everything. His most recent Christmas card surely hints at how he is seen in some quarters. But unlike Santa, he doesn’t stingily limit himself to once a year.

Keep your chimney free of emissions for Santa Marles.

Arc of the lost raiders

As the investigation into a certain raid goes on, Tuesday evening in Senate estimates found Labor’s Murray Watt extending an offer to Small Business Minister Michaelia Cash: “I observed earlier that this could be resolved by you simply agreeing to provide a witness statement of the kind the (Australian Federal Police) are after. Do you and I want to go down to the police station now and we can do it?” (Amusingly and surely coincidentally, Guardian Australia journalist Paul Karp prophesied on Twitter a little earlier: “Murray Watt is THIS CLOSE to offering to walk Michaelia Cash down to the cop shop now to give a witness statement.”) Cash’s legal bill — come in, taxpayers! — has hit the $288,812 mark, with the odometer set to soon roll over and send a string of unhappy zeros billowing like bubbles out from behind a 3. Come yesterday morning, Watt got to deliver yet another to that steadily swelling category of Labor Press Conferences At Which No Journalists Feel Compelled To Ask Questions. But Watt did sort of pre-empt things with a string of questions of his own, then a rhetorical flourish that sealed things like a boulder over a tomb entrance: “Do you believe Minister Cash or do you believe the federal police? I think the answer’s pretty clear. Thank you.” Elsewhere, Doug Cameron came his closest yet to blowing a head gasket. We don’t say that lightly.

A rare chemistry

Meanwhile, radio station FiveAA rolled out the flirtiest episode yet of its Odd Couple tribute show.

Anthony Albanese: “Now you’re just being mischievous.”

Christopher Pyne: “Me? Stop it.”

Albo: “Far be it for you to be mischievous.”

Pyne: “I’m blushing. I’m blushing on the phone.”

Pulling it back a little

When Malcolm Turnbull made positive comments about Liberal defector Julia Banks recently, Alan Jones had some things to say. The result? The most memorable apology of the year so far: “I accused Mr Turnbull of being a traitor to the nation. I acknowledge that I had no justification for making that false statement and I unreservedly apologise to Mr Turnbull for doing so.” Worth embroidering.

That Big Mack touch

As Jenny Macklin gave her valedictory speech yesterday, we were reminded that even her cameo appearances in this space cheered us. Such as the time we were obliged to explain a bit in our Sketch about Labor MPs shouting “Alas, poor Yorick!” at Greg Hunt: “They aren’t, strictly speaking, comparing Hunt to Hamlet’s fellow of infinite jest. Apparently Labor frontbencher Jenny Macklin was persuaded to join in once, then she joined the dots and was horrified into never repeating it.” As we wrote in Strewth a few days later: “Since that was published we’ve been taken aback by the feedback from perplexed readers. We will tread the delicate line here and, out of earshot of the young and/or sensitive, suggest you say the name of Hamlet’s dead jester, and follow it with the Health Minister’s surname. As one Labor MP remarked to Strewth, ‘Pinter it ain’t’.” And yet, like the crucial rug in The Big Lebowski, it was generally agreed afterwards it was Macklin who tied it all together.

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