Give Pearce a chance

The preselection palaver for Christian Porter’s seat of Pearce has more twists and turns than a garden hose.

Richard Court and Mathias Cormann.

The preselection palaver for Christian Porter’s seat of Pearce has more twists and turns than a garden hose.

In the latest addition to this year of annus horribilis for the West Australian Liberals, Sandgropers were shocked to see the blue-blood Court brothers are backing rival candidates.

Long-term City of Wanneroo councillor Linda Aitken has recruited party stalwart Barry Court – husband of Margaret – as the top reference on her nomination form for Pearce. Frontrunner Miquela Riley has gone one further and listed former West Australian premier Richard Court.

His backing of Riley has sent a wave of consternation through the newly formed Liberal Reform Coalition – a collection of factions agitating against the perceived influence of powerbrokers Nick Goiran and Peter Collier and co in what has become known as “The Clan” – given the former premier had been arguably the most prominent Liberal figure to attend the recent inaugural meeting of the Reform Coalition.

Linda Aitken and Michael McCormack.

Riley is seen as firmly part of “The Clan”, whose name is derived from the WhatsApp chat group in which faction decisions were thrashed out and rivals rubbished.

Fellow Clan member and former party president Fay Duda is among Riley’s strongest backers, so Richard Court’s support has some Reformists worrying they have been infiltrated.

Monday‘s preselection plebiscite – held at the Whale & Ale pub in Perth’s north – where grassroots members will pick the party’s candidate, is shaping up to be a vote between The Clan and The Local.

While Riley is a rising star in the eyes of party powerbrokers, she has no direct ties to Pearce. The former naval officer moved west only three years ago and is a member of the Subiaco branch in Perth’s trendy inner west.

Riley finished third in the seat of Fremantle for the Liberals at the state election earlier this year, scoring 15 per cent of first preferences, behind Labor’s Simone McGurk and the Greens Liberty Cramer. Aitken, on the other hand, has lived in and around Pearce for decades, and has sat on three local school boards, as well as the local council.

One thing Strewth can guarantee about who will replace Porter after the next election: it will not be a man.

Labor’s candidate for the marginal seat (7.5 per cent) is Wanneroo mayor Tracey Roberts.

Former WA Liberal leader Zak Kirkup and Miquela Riley.

Number 96 tram

Victorian Premier Daniel Andrews often likes to mock Scott Morrison as the “Prime Minister for NSW”.

But will he be calling Anthony Albanese the “Opposition Leader for Sydney” after this social media faux pas?

“Great to catch up with Lord Mayor Sally Capp today, and to see Melbourne open and coming back to life,” Albo tweeted on Tuesday. “Even the light rail here is back on track.”

Sorry … light rail?

Surely the former federal transport minister (and his Melbourne-based media adviser) should know that Danistan has trams, not cracked light rail carriages like the People’s Republic of Perrottet.

That’s a mistake that Chloe Shorten’s husband, Bill, would never have made.

Great to catch up with Lord Mayor @sallycapp today, and to see Melbourne open and coming back to life. Even the light rail here is back on track pic.twitter.com/gWrM8Iy4yn

— Anthony Albanese (@AlboMP) December 14, 2021

Bowl me over

The usual spin was missing when Morrison stepped up to the crease at Brookfield Showground in Brisbane.

Any political adviser will warn that an on-camera sporting attempt is high risk, high reward … especially if you’re a prime minister.

See: John Howard’s bowling bouncer, Malcolm Turnbull hitting the basketball hoop, Kevin Rudd’s maniacal handball or Julia Gillard attempting an Aussie rules punt.

(Honorable mention to former NSW Sports Minister John Sidoti who fell flat on his face while showing off his soccer skills to a group of schoolgirls.)

Sacked NSW MP John Sidoti taking the ball up for YOUR community 💯🔥🔥 #auspol#nswpol#ICACpic.twitter.com/jlA98HfS5x

— polliesdoingstuff (@polliesdoinstuf) December 15, 2021

Hence Strewth’s surprise when ScoMo’s flipper wasn’t unveiled until hours later when he was prodded about pork at a press conference …

Q: “Dickson (Defence Minister Peter Dutton’s seat) receives $43m in grants over three years. The next seat is Lilley (Labor’s Anika Wells), it receives $900,000. How do you explain that?”

PM: Well, Dickson must have a very good local member.”

Howzat?

PM in QLD. pic.twitter.com/LI8qku5Nf0

— Emilie Gramenz (@emgramenz) December 15, 2021

On the right truck

WA Labor senator Glenn Sterle is back behind the wheel.

“I’ve swapped the suit and tie this week to do a run for charity,” the 61-year-old reported from Broome.

Centurion Transport chief Justin Cardaci has recruited Sterle to drive a truck from Perth to Derby (2198.4kms one way) at least three times in the lead-up to Christmas.

The money that would normally go to drivers’ wages will instead be donated to a couple of community groups in the Kimberley.

“Three trailers up to Derby. I gotta tell you, 38C, a couple of blow outs,” Sterle sweated. Imagine changing a tyre in that heat!

“So I reckon I worked it out, 30-odd years ago, why I gave this away as a bad joke.”

Not really. Sterle said he’s having a ball.

“This is where the real people are. I’d rather be up here doing this for a good cause. Beats sitting in the Senate chamber looking at some of the heads on the other side.”

Such as?

Glenn Sterle.

Chairing is caring

He may be part of the upper house furniture now but Sterle was a young removalist when (new) Parliament House was built in the 1980s.

The then mulleted, singlet and stubbie-wearing 28-year-old trucked the handmade green chairs and desks for the lower house across the National Highway from Perth to Canberra, and fitted them in the House of Representatives chamber.

Sterle said the chairs has to be specially transported, as no weight was allowed to be applied to the leather seats before the pollies’ behinds. Heaven forbid!

“If it weren’t for me, my colleagues would be sitting on their arse during question time! If only I knew then what I know now,” Sterle mused

Definitely, maybe

Forget the best, what are the worst words of 2021? Each year, the Plain English Foundation gathers examples of the most egregious doublespeak and weasel words.

Such as … “national vaccination allocation horizons” (targets); “absolutely potentially” (Gladys Berejiklian); “industrial athletes” (Amazon’s instructions to workers); “an edged weapon” (cop speak for knife); and “negative encounter” (academics suggested new term for shark attacks).

Plain English voted “Centres for National Resilience” (read: new quarantine centres) as the Worst Word or Phrase for 2021 and Lady Gaga received the award for Mixed Metaphor of the Year with “I felt a pin drop in my stomach”.

At Strewth we prefer to call a spade a spade rather than a metallic digging implement. Or to cite another bade case of bureaucratese — Air Force chief Mel Hupfeld blaming “protocol creep” for a red carpet being rolled out during a visit to RAAF Williamtown by Top Gun Morrison.

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