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Everyone’s a critic, Anthony Albanese discovers

The old adage that you should never work with children or animals has been put to the test by Anthony Albanese.

Alice Workman
From little things, big things grow.
From little things, big things grow.
4 min read
7:33PMOctober 19, 2020

The old adage that you should never work with children or animals has been put to the test by Anthony Albanese. The kids part, anyway, which has proven problematic for his “won’t somebody think of the child(care)” policy. The Opposition Leader, his early childhood spokeswoman Amanda Rishworth and local MP David Smith learnt a very valuable advancing lesson in the playground of Wonderschool Early Learning Centre in Canberra on Monday morn when a tiny constituent wandered past and knocked over the microphones mid-press conference. Or as the official transcript enigmatically noted in bold: “INTERRUPTION”. When the live broadcast resumed, Albanese hit the spin cycle. “That’s terrific. That is the great benefit of this early learning centre, that children don’t have the constraints. They’re learning through doing. That’s the idea of this magnificent space here. That’s why we need to support this sort of reform.” He even threw out: “Happy to take questions … and perhaps we might flick some to our youngest contributors here.” The juvenile hijinks didn’t end there. As Rishworth was speaking, Albanese stepped away from the cameras to free a toddler whose tricycle had become stuck between a garden bed and stake. “Thank you,” the little local said as he sped off. Prompting Albanese to float a niche new slogan — “No kids held back. No trikes left behind. Even in the middle of the press conference.”

One in a melon

Which brings us to a picture Albanese posted last week, chopping rockmelon and watermelon with western Sydney children. “Valerie told me about how she likes to chop watermelons. I told her about how Labor’s plan to make childcare cheaper will help 1.1 million families,” he tweeted. Oh to be a fly on the wall for that conversation! Imagine …

Valerie: “It makes a funny noise when I cut it with my spoon.”

Albanese: “From July 1, 2022, I will remove the annual cap on the childcare subsidy.”

Gladys nearly over

This reminded Strewth of the time AACTA Award nominee Tony Abbott dropped by Caragabal Public School in central western NSW during the 2016 Pollie Pedal to gift the primary school kids a copy of his book Battlelines. The faces on the lucky recipients said it all. As we wrote at the time — if they skip the introduction and get straight into chapter one, the pre-teens get to do a fair bit of growing, as Abbott relates the story of the son who wasn’t. Sins of the flesh were also on the agenda when Gladys Berejiklian phoned into Sydney’s KIIS FM. “Don’t you find secret sex is always better,” Kyle Sandilands asked the NSW Premier within two minutes. Berejiklian brushed off the question with her same old talking points about her non-boyfriend bf Daryl Maguire. Swearing to stay single, she also ruled out a run as the next Bachelorette. But the shock-jock’s cringy probe didn’t end there. Sandilands: “You’d think the Premier and Kyle Sandilands couldn’t be two more polar opposites, but then I was having sex with seven people at the radio station I worked at in Perth when I was living over there.”

Berejiklian: “Well, that’s a record I can’t break.”

Sandilands: “Never say never, I say.”

OK, that’s probably enough life lessons for now, kids — time for recess!

Cut a rug

Speaking of da yoof. In Western Australia — home of new Perthonality Lord Mayor Basil Zempilas, who plans to keep his job as 7NEWS sports anchor — they’re getting down to remixes of Daniel Andrews’ press conferences. At the Wine Machine Festival in the Swan Valley on Saturday night, a DJ dropped a Dictator Dan beat that “went off” (as the kids say) on the dance floor with thousands of non-locked-down locals. The tune by Brissie band Mashd N Kutcher mashes up the Victorian Premier’s past comments to say: “That’s what’s most important — the beers. As best we can tell, the dinner party started with one case of beers … as far as we can tell, everyone at the dinner party had case of the beers. Get on the beers … that’s your civic duty … that’s what’s most important and that’s what must be done.” Don’t worry jealous Melburnians, at least you can now … get a haircut?

Advertising blitzkrieg

Twisted Sister’s 1984 banger We’re Not Gonna Take It rang out in the Federal Court on Monday, the first day of Universal Music’s copyright infringement case against Clive Palmer and his $12m worth of earworm 2019 election ads. In his opening statement, Universal’s barrister Patrick Flynn said the band’s frontman, Dee Snider, had given written evidence the hit was generally regarded as the band’s “best and most popular song”. That it was “not a song that was a flash-in-the-pan and then faded away from consciousness” and “remains part of the rock pantheon”. The trial continues.

Eye see what you did

Senate estimates is in the eyebrow of the beholder … Penny Wong’s to be precise. No wonder Australia Post won’t let its officials appear! Here is Labor’s Senate leader asking about that $30m western Sydney land deal.

Wong: “What it looks like is people tried to cover it up when the audit office came asking questions.”

Infrastructure boss Simon Atkinson: “Senator, I agree with you. I am trying to clean it up.”

And later …

Wong: “Is there anything that supports the Deputy Prime Minister’s assertion that this is a good investment? Is there anything in the audit office report which supports that?”

Atkinson: “Not that I’m aware of, senator.”

It’s a broad church

Also spotted in estimates, Liberal senator Amanda Stoker allowing “a little latitude to other senators”. Quelle surprise! Home Affairs head honcho Mike Pezzullo observed: “You have been very liberal, if I may say, madam chair, in a small-L sense.” Which prompted the conservative Queenslander to quip: “You’re going to give me a bad reputation now, Mr Pezzullo.”

Pop in the bubble

And people say the Canberra Bubble™ is boring! A police speed camera van outside the Russian embassy was shot at in an “apparent drive-by attack” last week. ACT Police report: “On Thursday night, officers seized a firearm which could have been linked to this incident and forensic analysis is continuing.” Watch this space.

strewth@theaustralian.com.au

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Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/commentary/strewth/everyones-a-critic-anthony-albanese-discovers/news-story/414a2faa6265f56e9ede8e122a449f43