Don’t panic!

IT was the finest of lines to walk yesterday, telling the nation that he terror alert level has been lifted to high.

IT was the finest of lines to walk yesterday, simultaneously telling the nation that (a) the terror alert level has been lifted to high, and (b) there’s nothing to worry about so just jolly well carry on. Or, in blunter terms, there’s no need to excrete housebricks yet — perhaps just fart the occasional small pebble. (And yes, we would like to see that on a fridge magnet.) Just remember to ring 1800 123 400 if you see “anything out of the ordinary”, unless that “out of the ordinary” is Australian Federal Police officers accidentally leaving plastic explosives in a suitcase at Sydney airport (Strewth, yesterday). The wallopers wouldn’t thank you for that. In the meantime our colleague Ean Higgins had a stab at hitting the right note on Terror Friday. In his role as house committee delegate for the media union, Higgins sent out a mass email decrying News Corp’s stance on back-paying pay rises: “To perceive how unjust this is, please read the wire story below, which shows that Hamas, even as it launches hundreds of rockets into Israel, recognises that the right thing to do is award back pay.” It was lovely working with him.

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THE Sydney Morning Herald got into the terror vibe a different way. With the home page of its website plastered with a large ad from Virgin Australia (complete with a smiling hostess, a jet lifting off a runway and the tagline: “Now you’re flying”), the SMH rewarded the airline for its advertising dollars by popping a 9/11 story directly underneath with a photo of the second plane exploding into the World Trade Centre. Five stars.

Finger of blame

IF you ever wanted to learn how to make an announcement in which the hurt and anger are barely veiled, look no further than this one from the Ubud Writers and Readers Festival yesterday: “It is with great disappointment that we today announce that Nobel laureate Sir VS Naipaul will no longer be joining our literary line-up for this year’s festival. We express our sincere apologies and sadness for the change to the program, which comes as the result of us being unable to accommodate Sir VS Naipaul’s 11th-hour requests.” Alas, our more considerate ninth-hour request for elaboration appeared to fall on deaf inboxes.

Practically twins

IT isn’t just irony that struggles to translate on Twitter. Following our recent visit to Iran (don’t panic!), we paid a visit to the Twitter account of Iranian President Hassan Rouhani. As soon as we clicked on “follow”, Twitter suggested, “You might want to follow these similar accounts”, whereupon it coughed up Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

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