Ding, dong

Happy Anniversary! It has been 10 years since the anti-carbon tax rally where then opposition leader Tony Abbott appeared in front of a banner reading ‘Juliar: Bob Brown’s Bitch’.

March 23, 2011.

Happy Anniversary! It has been 10 years since the anti-carbon tax rally where then opposition leader Tony Abbott appeared in front of a banner reading “Juliar: Bob Brown’s Bitch”. With him onstage was current Indigenous Affairs Minister Ken Wyatt and Education Minister Alan Tudge. Plus former deputy prime ministers Barnaby Joyce and Warren Truss; former Speaker Bronwyn Bishop; and former frontbenchers Fiona Nash and Sophie Mirabella. What better way to mark “Ditch the Witch” day than with an update on that internal review into who in Scott Morrison’s office knew what and when about the alleged rape of Brittany Higgins? How’s that going? Sorry, we’re just getting word that the boss of Prime Minister & Cabinet boss Phil Gaetjens “paused” the inquiry a fortnight ago and will “make no further comment” about it. “This is for the benefit of Miss Higgins,” Gaetjens informed Senate estimates. Talk about an emotional bull in a china shop! “She doesn’t feel that way,” Labor senator Katy Gallagher shouted. “That is not her view that everyone sitting on that side of the table is here for her interest.” Labor Senate leader Penny Wong added: “Please do not use her interest as a shield.” Lucy Turnbull also weighed in: “Sure a lot of women, like me, are incredulous, furious about pausing #BrittanyHiggins PMO inquiry”. Gaetjens hasn’t spoken to Higgins and claimed “I don’t need to”. Labor’s Kimberley Kitching noted for Hansard: “You know how it looks? It looks like there’s a cover-up going on.”

The men running this place just don’t get it. #istandwithbrittanyhigginspic.twitter.com/pMxwrl9PDE

— 💚🌏 Sarah Hanson-Young (@sarahinthesen8) March 22, 2021

Old Testament action

Parliament House literally sprung a leak, outside the lower house. The flow-on affect from the latest once in 100 years event didn’t put a damper on Josh Frydenberg’s class of 88 high school reunion. The federal Treasurer was spotted proudly introducing his Mt Scopus College school mates to Anna Jancevski, the longtime Croatian-born cleaner who has looked after every prime minister’s office since Bob Hawke. What a touching moment! Jancevski was one of the first to congratulate “Joshie” with a swift cheek squeeze after he was elected deputy Liberal leader in the August 2018 spill.

final release now selling pic.twitter.com/id5Naqh8as

— Michael McGowan (@mmcgowan) March 22, 2021

Labor pairs

“I call the member for Lilley, and extras,” is not the typical sentence you’d expect to hear from the Speakers chair. Especially in a no-props parliament. While rules prohibit politicians from bringing visitors on to the chamber floor, standing order 257(d) clarifies that doesn’t include an infant being cared for. Or in Labor MP Anika Wells’s case, two! Wells wheeled a double pram into question time last week, but took things to the next level on Monday by nursing quarantwins Ossian (Oshy) and Dashiell (Dash) during a speech. Wells has founded a Parliamentary Parents playgroup with fellow young comrades Kate Thwaites, Alicia Payne and Amanda Rishworth.

"I call the Member for Lilley, and extras."
While standing orders prohibit Members from bringing visitors into the chamber, standing order 257(d) clarifies that a visitor does not include an infant being cared for by a Member. Or in @AnikaWells' case, two infants! pic.twitter.com/yH9TFTe38b

— Australian House of Representatives (@AboutTheHouse) March 22, 2021

Deja brew

Ahead of Labor’s Special Platform Conference next week, Anthony Albanese has skipped the review process and announced a new policy on the hop during a breakfast radio chat with Brendan “Jonesy” Jones and Amanda Keller.

Jonesy: “Will you be able to send us a carton of your Albo Corn Ale? Because I think we should need to test that out.”

Albanese: “Well, I could. I am sure that Willie the Boatman would oblige. ‘I'm sure that Pat and the team down there at St Peters are listening to this program. And I would expect it to be on its way by nine o’clock.”

Keller: “Is it made from corn?”

Albanese: “What it has is during the prohibition in the US, because they were out there looking at who was making barley and other products that go into beer, they produced a type of corn. So it’s just a little bit of added flavour. If you want a sort of comparison, it tastes a little bit like Little Creatures Pale Ale.”

Jonesy: “As long as it is not fruity. All the beers now are fruity.”

Albanese: “No, it is not fruity. If I’m prime minister, I will ban fruit being put into beer.”

Jonesy: “That’s a strong platform.”

Albanese: “Like seriously, what is wrong with strawberry and plum and stuff going into beer? It is just wrong, that is what it is.”

Keller: “When your beer comes up, you can see corn in it and say that was there in the beginning.”

Albanese: “Absolutely.”

And yet! According to the flavour notes on Albo Cole Ale — which retails for $90 a case — it has a “touch for fruitiness”.

Citizen Pyne

Christopher Pyne will officially cut the ribbon on his boutique lobbying shop on Tuesday night. A stone’s throw from Parliament House in Barton, it’s the must-have social ticket for Liberals looking for a gin and tonic with lemon (no need to BYO). We’re told it will have an even more exclusive guest list than the invitation-only drinks event Pyne & Partners threw for Elbit Systems, Israel’s largest privately owned weapons company, in parliament last week. The Fixer’s new bricks and mortar is blue blood central, located next to noted eatery Chairman & Yip and around the corner from Hotel Realm’s Ostani Lounge. It’s also a three-minute walk to the Labor Party’s National Secretariat, in case the winds change. Pyne & Partner’s Adelaide-based team of four has grown quickly, with more than 20 eclectic clients listed on the lobbying register including the Adelaide Lutheran Sports Club, medical device company Austofix Australia, Cobham Aviation Services, weapons manufacturer DroneShield, the city of Burnside, tech company Cocoon Data, Good to be Great Schools Australia, asset manager Duxton Capital, Thoroughbred Racing SA and vegetable supplier Zerella Fresh. It’s coming up on two years since Pyne left politics for a new life in consulting and podcasting. His latest audio adventure features NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian admitting she felt more “loved” by the people after ICAC exposed her secret-sex-partner Daryl Maguire (the man she wanted to marry, who had a key to her house but she was NOT in a relationship with). It’s terrific timing for a Oprah-styled tell-all, given the NSW corruption watchdog has now recommended charges against Maguire for giving false evidence during Operation Dasha.

Knead to know

Strewth’s word of the week is snoutband (19th century): “Someone who consistently interrupts a conversation in order to contradict or correct the speaker”. See: Senate Estimates. We’re still waiting for the grilling of the ACT’s latest public service — The Department of Pizza, located a few streets behind the Department of Defence in a cul-de-sac of Campbell.

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