Dawn Fraser’s Nick Kyrgios rant could prompt new TV show

When you get TV like Dawn Fraser’s Not Racist No Really It Isn’t attack on Nick Kyrgios, the fitting response is more television.

When you get television of the calibre of Dawn Fraser’s Not Racist No Really It Isn’t attack on Nick Kyrgios, the fitting response is to honour it with even more TV.

So we’re pitching an idea for a show. In honour of Fraser’s advice to Kyrgios, we’re tentatively calling it Go Back To Where Your Parents Came From. Each week, a contestant — preferably one equally renowned for (a) being a bit of a dick, and (b) something else — will be escorted to their ancestral lands by Fraser, who concludes each episode by burning their passport. We tried the ABC, but they have quietly pointed us in the direction of SBS. Fingers crossed. (On an entirely unrelated note, Northern Territory Asian Engagement Minister Peter Styles called the Northern Australia white paper the “white Australia policy”.)

From little things

How do you know Tony Abbott has been around Small Business Evangelist Bruce Billson a lot? When you get exchanges like this:

Journo: “How concerned are you about the problems in China and Greece, those economic problems spreading to Australia and especially the plunge in the Chinese stock prices?”

Abbott: “The important thing is to do whatever we can to build a strong and prosperous economy locally, and again I get back to the Grocery Code of Conduct.”

Abbott did not rest on these laurels, adding many more prime ministerial thoughts about the code and local suppliers as he steamed towards this conclusion: “If we do that we will avoid the problems that we see overseas.” Unquote. (In passing, reader Frank Duff asks, “If Greece has to or decides to go it alone, might it be called parthenogenesis?”)

Means to an end

We can only imagine Glenn Lazarus thought Tony Abbott’s shirtfronting efforts a bit weak, judging by his robust efforts yesterday on behalf of people affected by coal seam gas: “I’m so determined to give these people a voice … I am prepared to go and squirrel grip the PM. If that doesn’t work I’ve got other things up my sleeves such as the grapple tackle, the chicken wing and even the crusher tackle. If that doesn’t work I’m prepared to use the Hopoate tackles.” For those whose lives have been untouched by sports slang, the squirrel grip involves amassing a collection of nuts, usually with the speed and urgency of a small mammal sensing the approach of a particularly severe winter. And the Hopoate tackle is a reference to rugby league player John Hopoate’s finger and its journeys in small realms famous for their sunshine deficit. (Note to self: do not insert suppository of wisdom joke). Lazarus was being droll rather than earnestly trying to give the Northern Territory News an excuse to run a “Why I’ve got a senator up my clacker” headline, but his former leader, Clive Palmer, was unimpressed, labelling Lazarus’s lines as “disgraceful”. He got his message through, though.

The power of love

Overlooked on Sunday was a clue that Barnaby Joyce was retaining the right to pull the pin on Q&A. Specifically this on Insiders:

Barrie Cassidy: “You’re on Q&A tomorrow night. You’re OK with that?”

Joyce: “Yeah, no, that’ll be interesting.”

Speaking of Joyce, we referred on Monday to Fair Dinkum Love, the poem that Joyce read at a wedding a few years back. Joyce’s ever helpful colleague Ewen Jones has added some verse to the pile. “This is one I stole from my dad,” he told Strewth, then as only Jones can, added, “I use it occasionally when I do auctions.” So here’s True Love, presented by the federal member for Herbert:

The wonderful love of a beautiful maid

The love of a true staunch man

The love of a baby unafraid

Has existed since time began

But the greatest love, the love of loves

Even greater than a mother

Is the warm, tender, passionate love

Of one drunken bum for another.

What he meant to say

Chris Bowen held a joint presser in Darwin with Luke Gosling, Labor’s candidate for Solomon. It was an outing that required a gentle course correction:

Journo: “What about this idea of allowing international carriers to pick up domestic passengers in the north and move them along to their destination?”

Gosling: “Look, I think we should be supporting Australian jobs, I think we should be supporting Australian airlines frankly.”

(And on in this vein.)

Bowen: “And I understand the government has dropped that plan, there was a leak from the Expenditure Review Committee a few weeks ago that that plan had been dropped by the government following pressure from the Labor Party as well.”

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