The COVID-19 cash-in has already begun
A new (but inevitable) chapter of the pandemic has begun and you can be a part of it ... for ‘just’ $7.50 a minute.
The website is already up and running. It features a logo with a yellow and orange virus particle as the O in coronavirus and the tagline: “Helping during tough times.”
Because of self-isolation and social distancing, it is offering over-the-phone legal advice on employment, business contracts, wills, power of attorney, trading terms, debt recovery, property, leases, mortgages and loans — but, it specifies, not “criminal, WorkCover and personal injury matters”.
The only catch? It’s a 1300 number and “calls charge at $7.50 per minute” with a “min call charge $15”. Plus you’ll be provided with a tax invoice at the end of the call for the legal advice provided and “payment will be processed and taken from the credit card provided by you within 24 hours”.
If additional legal work is required, the “cost of such services would be agreed between us”.
Grant Renkema, the principal Alphastream solicitor and man behind the website, told Strewth his team had reduced its hourly rate to provide what he sees as a gap in the market service for middle Australia (aka Quiet Australians) — specifically, small-business owners and mums and dads who need instant, accurate answers but don’t already have lawyers or unions to go to and want a step up from the run-off-their-feet free legal services. Some calls may take only a few minutes.
Renkema says he understands the horrible time people may be going through and wants to help, including offering a will payment plan. As for the trademark application, a decision is due by September 23. But unless it’s opposed by someone in the IP Australia office, it will go through.
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Blooming marvellous
Floriade — the biggest item on das capital’s social calendar, with more than a half-million visitors last year — has been cancelled. But the flowers will live on. ACT Chief Minister Andrew Barr promised on Wednesday to plant the one million-plus bulbs already bought around the city over winter, so Canberra would “look fantastic in springtime”.
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Love in time of corona
Speaking of roots, lovers across the nation are confused about whether visiting a paramour is one of the 16 “reasonable excuses” to leave the house during lockdown.
NSW Police Commissioner Mick Fuller says yes, he’d define it as “care”. Victoria Police Minister Lisa Neville declared people should not visit their partner “for social reasons”. Should they pen love letters instead? But hours later the state’s Chief Health Officer Brett Sutton tweeted that he’d grant couples an exemption.
Regarding ‘Stay at Home’ rules: We have no desire to penalise individuals who are staying with or meeting their partners if they don’t usually reside together. We’ll be making an exemption. Hope that helps.
— Chief Health Officer, Victoria (@VictorianCHO) April 1, 2020
In Tasmania, Premier Peter Gutwein gave the thumbs-up to travelling for Netflix and chill: “I never thought I’d be extending into people’s love lives in this way, but utilise common sense.”
Nationals deputy David Littleproud is worried about the grey nomads. “These caravans could turn into the cruise ships of the outback,” he told RN Breakfast. You know what they say, if the caravan’s a rockin’ …
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Mamma mia!
Here’s a tip for anyone desperate to carb load who can’t find pasta at their local shop. We found nine boxes of Weenie Linguine for sale on e-Bay at the rather exy price of $13.95 (plus $9.95 for postage) for 175g. There’s also “NEW Penis Shaped Pasta” — $16.95 for 200g. Both are sold by Queensland adult company Naughty but Nice, which will ship it anywhere in Australia in two to seven days. Just tell the kids it’s shaped like an elephant.
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Let’s taco ’bout it
Searches for “carrot cake recipes’’ spiked by more than 450 per cent in the past week, according to Google. Banana bread came second, followed by sourdough starter, scones and banana muffins. Interest in cooking typically booms online around Christmas, but in the past month it reached its highest peak in more than five years. Trending dinners in Australia? Beef bourguignon, slow-cooker fried rice, easy gnocchi, mince beef and apricot chicken. But our favourite search-engine stat is that one of the top five questions trending in Australia this week is: “Can I go fishing during coronavirus?”
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Tax tip takeaways
According to the Australian Taxation Office: “The more elaborate a meal, the more likely it becomes that entertainment arises from eating the meal.” We couldn’t agree more with the ATO’s guide to fringe benefits tax liability for entertainment expenses. Something for all working-from-homers to keep in mind come tax time (or will that go into hibernation too?).
strewth@theaustralian.com.au
Libs should be-Ware what they say about JWH
Could things get any worse for the Liberals in Hughes? Well, strap in. Diary can reveal that Liberal candidate Jenny Ware once called John Winston Howard ‘out of touch’.
Believe in your selfie, Andrew
Kevin Rudd appears to have met his selfie match in Andrew Charlton.
A new (but inevitable) chapter of the pandemic has begun. An application to register coronaviruslegaladvice.com.au as a trademark was filed on March 25 by small Melbourne-based firm Alphastream Lawyers.