Celeste Barber’s smoking comeback to bushfires crisis

How good is she? As at 3pm on Sunday (AEDT), her campaign on behalf of the NSW Rural Fire Service had raised $20m.

That’s Celeste Barber on the right with her husband Api Robin impersonating Bella Hadid and Mert Alas. Picture: Instagram

OK, so it’s been a bummer of a summer in Australia, and here we are, at the helm of what’s normally a breezy column. That feels wrong, so we’ll report instead on funny people, starting with Celeste Barber. How good is she? As at 3pm on Sunday (AEDT), Celeste’s campaign on behalf of the NSW Rural Fire Service had raised $20m. Twenty. Million. Dollars. It’ll be well over that by the time you read this; her clicker was clacking up by 10,000 bucks a minute. Some readers are right now thinking, “OK, great. Now, wait, who’s Celeste Barber?”

Barber and her husband Api Robin, bottom image, make fun of Kim Kardashian and Kanye West. Picture: Instagram

She’s a digital heckler, is what she is. And if you’re still confused, hop on over to her Instagram page — @celestebarber — where you’ll find photographs of her writhing around in the dirt, wearing little more than fishnets, or else with slices of pizza covering up her nipples, and if you’re still thinking, “What the hell?”, well, somebody has to do it.

Celeste’s schtick is to pop the pomposity balloon in which live so many Instagram celebrities, by remaking their highly styled images in a low-rent kind of way. And so, when Kim Kardashian decides to advertise her husband’s new clothes by getting semi-naked, Barber does the same, but with considerably more humour.

She has a massive following — 6.4 million on Instagram alone — and when her mum-in-law’s house was threatened by the fires, she asked people to donate, and they did.

Our love of Ash

Speaking of fundraisers, how good is Ash Barty, who will donate every cent of her entire prize money from next week’s Brisbane International to the Red Cross Fire Appeal? Also Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban? They’ve tipped $500,000 toward the fire relief effort, as has the pop star, Pink.

In the pink

Speaking of Pink — see what I did? — day three of the Sydney Test is now the Pink Test, with the Black Caps taking the red ball on a green wicket, or something.

Fans are encouraged to wear pink; they sell burgers with pink buns, and there’s an online auction of special-edition pink baggy greens, and guess what’s getting the most attention?

Lot #6. It’s a cap signed by Marnus Labuschagne and the price as at Sunday was $4000.

That’s twice what somebody was willing to pay for Steve Smith’s. But there’s still time: the auction ends on the 12th. Money raised goes to the Jane McGrath Foundation, which supports breast cancer nurses.

Nature’s call

In case of emergency in the US, everyone dials 911. When it happens here in Australia, you call triple zero. In New Zealand, they call 111. With that in mind, boggle at this: New Zealand police were forced to put out a statement on Sunday asking people not to call 111 about the mysterious orange haze in the sky. That’s Australia, burning.

Mountain dues

Fireys attending a house in the NSW Blue Mountains owned by model Tara Moss noticed the door open, so they went inside, and found a kettle, and some bickies in the tin, and a very welcome toilet. They left a note, which read: “Thanks for such a well-prepared property … we have spent all afternoon at your house doing property protection. It was open so we let ourselves in to use the amenities, and coffee. Thank you again …” To which the grateful Moss replied: No, thank you. “One-third of our property has been taken by this fire but our home (containing 99 per cent of our possessions, but not our lives) is still standing,” she said. “I am so grateful.”

Top jeer

Having dispensed with what is good, here’s what’s been ratty this past week: Jeremy Clarkson’s remarks in his Sun newspaper column about how Australia is filled with “stupid, dangerous creatures”, like that joke has never been made before. “Plainly, God is embarrassed. Because he’s decided to set fire to it,” Clarkson wrote. The thing about the internet is, it’s global. Australian readers soon found the comment sections, and if he was in doubt about whether we think he was funny? No longer.

Out of Thunberg

And to finish, happy birthday to Sharon Thunberg! She’s now 17. Wait, Sharon? Yes, Greta Thunberg has changed her name to Sharon on Twitter, in honour of a game show contestant who appeared to have no idea who she was. While appearing on BBC’s Celebrity Mastermind, actor Amanda Henderson was asked to name the teenage activist from Sweden who has been on a long school strike for climate. “Sharon?” she guessed. The response from the host is so deadpan perfect, it’s been viewed more than five million times.

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