Bushfires hell: Frozen over and over again

Tales of true grit, and real resilience have emerged from the bushfires, but I think I’ve found the best of them.

US-based ABC's map of the Australian bushfires. Picture: Twitter

Tales of true grit and real resilience have emerged from the bushfires, but I think I’ve found the best of them. Canadian Meaghan Wegg, 34, her Australian-born husband, Tim Buckley, 37, and their two kids, Georgia, 3, and Jackson, 5, were on holiday in Mallacoota when the fires came near the town on Victoria’s coast, near the NSW border. They found shelter in a cinema, which was cool, quiet and had amenities, plus the owners helped keep the kids entertained with films, which meant watching Frozen and Happy Feet on repeat. On New Year’s Day, Meaghan wrote on Facebook that it was the longest 24 hours of her life. Yes. I bet.

All over the map

The bushfires are bad but let’s be sensible: Brisbane isn’t on fire, nor is Darwin. You can’t see smoke from your window in Hawthorn, and it’s not lapping the back fence in Bondi.

Yet that’s how it looks on a map of Australia, created by America’s ABC. It’s doing the rounds online, and here are some of the comments:

“Whoever does your maps, fire them.”

“This looks like you spilled your coffee on an atlas.”

“According to this map, the entire state of Victoria is on fire … That’ll sure come as a surprise to the seven million people who live there.”

Also, sigh, the map of Tassie was missing. Again.

Sensitive censor

Speaking of maps of Tassie, and further to Tuesday’s item about Ricky Gervais’s best jokes being beeped at the Golden Globes, NBC has now says it censored only two things in the comedian’s monologue. One beep was for the word that starts with F and ends in K and isn’t firetruck. The other was “minge”.

Novel approach

AuthorsforFireys — the online auction organised by Australian writers to raise money for the bushfire appeal — is a runaway success. Virginia Trioli is offering to bring the cannoli to a book club; Julia Baird is offering a morning swim at Manly, with coffee and croissants afterwards; Burial Rites author Hannah Kent is offering the chance for a bidder’s name to appear in her third novel; and Favel Parrett will crochet a shell knee blanket, and you get to choose the colours. “It will take me about five days to make once colours are chosen,” she says. You can bid until Saturday. Go to Twitter. Yes, I know. But go anyway.

Mary’s missive

Scott Morrison has taken a call about the fires from US President Donald Trump. Crown Princess Mary — the poor kid has been waiting since the Sydney Olympics to be Queen of Denmark — has also sent a missive. “The courage and unyielding efforts of the volunteer firefighters have our deepest respect and admiration,” she said, and then it gets all nice and tingly: “It makes me proud of my Australian heritage to witness the strong sense of community and the Australian spirit of ‘never giving up’ in the face of such devastation and adversity.”

Hit by a meteorologist

Liberal MP Craig Kelly for some reason went on Good Morning Britain his week to talk about climate change. Host Laura Tobin told him off for being part of the problem, which is standard fare on morning TV. He replied on Facebook: “Oh no, ignorant Pommy weather girl calls me a climate change denier.” Weather girl? She’s a meteorologist. As in, she has a degree in physics and meteorology. She was for years the aviation forecaster for the RAF. Someone’s blowing hot air, and it’s not Tobin.

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