Because he cares

CLIVE Palmer’s habit of getting personal with journalists falls into a number of categories.

CLIVE Palmer’s habit of getting personal with journalists falls into a number of categories. The ABC’s Tony Jones provokes adulation spiced with testy flashes. Our own Hedley Thomas inspires a seesawing between
self-flagellation and sarcasm, while the Guardian Australia’s Bridie Jabour this week drew some splendidly misguided abuse. But there are also the moments when a facsimile of solidarity shimmers into being, such as that time at the National Press Club when, merrily ripping off John F. Kennedy in the process, Palmer called for journos to get pay rises. He was sort of at it yesterday when he gave a press conference in Brisbane (having possibly mistaken the Queensland capital for a federal Parliament House courtyard) to talk about temporary protection visas. Step forward Courier-Mail reporter Jason Tin:

Tin: “Are you happy to see some of the successful applicants, in your seat of Fairfax, potentially working ...”

Palmer: “I don’t think Fairfax would be an area that’s difficult to attract people. It’s such a great area, Jason, I know you want to live there when you retire, you are getting pretty old as a Murdoch journalist. I don’t imagine your career has more than two or three years to run at the Murdoch press, given your advanced age. Obviously you’ll want to come to Fairfax and I’m sure there will be a job there for you somewhere.”

Tin, it should be noted, is 25. “Going on 65, apparently,” Tin mused to Strewth. “It could be a ploy to rope me into an early Sunshine Coast retirement holiday to help him drive up the occupancy rate at his resort.” Tin added wistfully, “ I’ve got about as much chance of retiring as he’s got of forming government at the next state election.”

Clubbing with the boys

AT the coalface of the Senate, meanwhile, Stephen “Order of the Crimson Undergarments” Conroy asked George Brandis about his membership of Melbourne’s male-only Savages Club. Why, good sir, ’tis an illustrious and not-at-all sexist institution, Brandis explained (if not in those precise words). Conroy requested the Attorney-General “sing the club song and demonstrate the club initiation ceremony”. More demands followed: Why had Brandis not declared his membership? And what of the conflict with Brandis’s work on anti-discrimination legislation? Amid the hubbub that followed, “Bomber” Bill Heffernan rose and offered this solemn thought to the chamber: “Senator Conroy should have declared that he was rejected for membership of the Junee Country Women’s Association.” When the Heff had concluded his contribution, Brandis seamlessly added, “I think it’s time, after 20 years in this place, for Senator Conroy to grow up.”

Nothing’s free now

THE day’s greatest moment of optimism occurred in the lower house when Speaker Bronwyn Bishop — experiencing a rare head-overruled-by-heart moment — declared to the inmates, “This is question time, not rabble time.” Her dream was stymied by, of all people, Education Minister Christopher Pyne, who went out of his way to encourage more decibels from Labor when he sternly lectured an interjecting Graham Perrett: “My comments get on the telly, yours don’t. You can’t be heard so you’re just wasting a lot of time.” The Labor machine puffed into gear and a mass email lobbed from Bill Shorten: “These comments ... show exactly why Christopher Pyne thinks he can get away with his plans to Americanise our universities and introduce $100,000 degrees. It’s up to us to show him he’s dead wrong.” In other words, an online ad. Asks Shorten, “Can you chip in $5 to make this happen?”

Moving motions

LET us now segue from politics to this cracker of an announcement: “A University of Queensland-led research team that is radically improving sewer design and management last night won a prestigious international prize in Portugal.” This is surely at the opposite end of the excitement spectrum to this perfect example of an anaesthetic headline on a release from the office of Tasmanian Premier Will Hodgman: “Tassie’s Tourism Industry Expresses Interest.”

Ursine of the times

OUR colleague Tom Dusevic has meanwhile sent us a photo of a sign in the wilds of Wyoming in the US: “Bear attack: are you prepared to avoid one? Be alert, make noise, carry bear spray, avoid hiking alone, do not run.” While we ponder bear spray, the fine print includes gems such as: “If a bear attacks you in your tent, fight back.” Then it’s on to the somewhat redundant conclusion: “There is no guarantee of your safety in bear country.” And people here fret about snakes.