Barnaby Joyce doesn’t get physical

Even though it was the last day of term, Parliament House was a bit light on for any sort of muck-up day vibe.

Even though it was the last day of term, Parliament House was a bit light on for any sort of muck-up day vibe. There was no detergent in the water features, no toilet paper unfurled across the House of Representatives like cut-price bunting, no prawn heads inside the Comcar hubcabs. But there were entertainments, among them Christopher Pyne’s valedictory speech (deliberately amusing) and Tony Abbott railing against Warringah competitor Zali Steggall’s insistence that a bit of local infrastructure be “done right” (just amusing). Then there was news (via The Daily Telegraph) that Natalie Joyce is now a medal-winning bodybuilder. If we may resort momentarily to the relevant parlance, absolutely shredded. It fell to Chris Kenny to ask her former husband the big question on Sky News.

Kenny: “Not tempted to go the gym yourself?”

Barnaby Joyce: “I’ll go for a swim. I’ll do that as soon as I leave here, if I can.”

It’s electrifying

For those in the mood for a quiz, let’s play a round of Who Said This? First quote: “Those people today who ridicule electric vehicles will probably be the ones who are buying them in a decade’s time.” Snappy and memorable. Ditto this one: “I think what is going to happen with electric vehicles in the transport sector is equivalent to what the iPhone did to the communications sector.” And a chunkier but equally helpful quote: “I believe that it is a revolution taking place in the transport sector and it will make its way to Australia very, very shortly. What we’ve seen is global momentum towards electric vehicles as the prices have come down, as battery improvements are made, as infrastructure and recharging infrastructure is rolled out, and it’s not just in Europe, it’s also in North America, as well as in Asia, and here in Australia groups like the NRMA and their equivalents in Victoria, Western Australia, Queensland and state governments are heavily investing in the future of electric vehicles.” Now you may well be thinking that, despite the absence of wince-inducing zingers, it’s Bill Shorten selling Labor’s policy. But it is in fact Josh Frydenberg on Sky News early last year, an enthusiasm that, alas, appears to have gone the way of his mullet.

Penny & Mathias Show

The double act that is Penny Wong and Mathias Cormann in Senate estimates rolled on. Exhibit A:

Cormann: “I’m not inside the Prime Minister’s mind.”

Wong: “It might be more ordered if you were.”

And Exhibit B.

Wong: “You’re going to call the election this weekend … ”

Cormann: “I’m not going to call the election.”

Wong: “You plural — vous.

Cormann: “We’re speaking French now?”

Wong: “I’m explaining! It’s just easier, sometimes, because we don’t do the plural in English.”

Senator, senator, senator … just say “youse” — in all likelihood a gift from early Irish Australians — and be done with it.

One for the road

As he farewelled the Senate with surely the only valedictory speech that will use Leonard Cohen in a thunderous plug for socialism, Doug Cameron retooled his favourite government descriptor and reapplied it to One Nation: “I strongly urge working-class Queenslanders to give this treacherous, treasonous rabble the boot …” Given how giddily close he came to missing the “r” word, the cheers that greeted it were shot through with relief.

Bespoke fan club

Take a moment to treasure these moments of purity from shadow treasurer Chris Bowen’s chat on 2SM this week with ol’ golden tonsils, John Laws:

Bowen: “Good morning.”

Laws: “Good morning. How are you?”

Bowen: “I’m very well. Nice to hear your voice.”

Laws: “Thank you.”

This done, the exchange eventually ascended into the exalted realm of solicited basting.

Bowen: “There’s a certain consistency and stability and unity in our show that you just don’t see in the government of the day.”

Laws: “Well, you must be grateful, nonetheless, that I don’t get changed.”

Bowen: “Well, I am eternally grateful for it, John. I grew up listening to you on the radio so being able to talk to you is an eternal pleasure.”

Laws: “Well, it’s very nice of you to say so. I rather asked for it, though, didn’t I?”

Bowen: “It was a leading question, in fairness, and I’m happy to oblige.”

Anyway, we trust all this has at the very least been a distraction from yesterday’s visions of the young Josh Frydenberg’s nipples.

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