Apple of Big Mac’s eye

Michael McCormack is one in a melon.

The deputy prime minister in mask.

Michael McCormack is one in a melon.

“We abhor anybody who does the right thing by young people, backpackers, whatever the case might be as far as the conditions of living, as far as paying the right wages, as far as doing the right thing,” the Deputy Prime Minister declared.

We’ll go ahead and assume Big Mac isn’t bananas for anyone who does the wrong thing.

Maybe he wasn’t peeling well.

Don’t worry, the DPM recovered the one way he knows how — by connecting with core constituents.

“Have a go, come to regional Australia. Bring your mobile, have that Instagram moment because up a ladder, picking fruit, blue sky in the background, wonderful country breeze, wonderful friends around. You’ll find more friends, you might find the love of your life out in regional Australia. ”

A pear-fect couple? We’re sure unemployed yoof will be cherry grapeful.

Big Mac is rooting for Big Mo.

Squeeze the day

Question: “Do you really think young people are going to go out to these areas and pick fruit, just doin’ for the gram. Like, is that a serious suggestion?”

McCormack: “Well they should. At the end of the day, they should.”

Meanwhile, Liberal MP John Alexander was musing over a new peach of legislation — compulsory farm labour for JobKeepers: “While we can’t probably go to conscription, can we apply a little more heat and pressure and do it urgently, because the crops won’t wait.”

Kiwi be friends?

“As much as we hate to admit it, I think we miss each other,” New Zealand PM Jacinda Ardern said about Australian tourists.

NZ PM on the campaign trail.

Ship happens

Paddy Crumlin — secretary of the well known bastion of civility the Maritime Union of Australia — has provided some compulsory viewing during the Port Botany pier review.

“We’re working harder than a copper at a mongoose convention down there mate,” Crumlin claimed to this paper’s own Chris Kenny on Sky News. “They’ve beaten this story up, they make Donald Trump look like Mother Teresa when it comes to the truth.”

And credit where credit is due. The head of Patrick Terminals admitted the dock dispute did not led to any containers of medical supplies being held up, despite claims to the contrary.

For a man with an “I stopped these” boat trophy in his office, Scott Morrison seems really wound up about the wharf warfare. “My simple message today is to get it sorted and stop the extortion … think of your fellow Australians and get back to work.”

Devil may car

The PM’s National COVID-19 Commission — chaired by Nev Power, who incidentally is still being paid director fees by gas company Strike Energy despite stepping back to avoid a conflict in May — is alive and wheel.

The Department of Prime Minister and Cabinet is paying $21,561 in “parking fees” for the 11-person advisory board, between July 1, 2020, and June 30, 2021.

The parking is located at 10 National Circuit in Canberra, where PM&C leases accommodation.

A faceless mandarin tried to explain: “The tender is for parking spots that can be included in the terms of engagement for select senior employees; however, such parking is not free and employees entitled to a parking spot pay for associated costs.”

Back up. What?

This is after PM&C told Strewth a different $12,240 contract for NCC parking fees was “deemed no longer warranted and is in the process of being closed”.

Couldn’t Josh Frydenberg build them a commuter car park?

Nev Power.

Pick-up limes

Devastating news for rev heads … Summernats is postponed!

The 34th car festival, which organisers say generates $30m for Canberra, was due to host 2000 vehicles in January. It’s now been put in neutral until 2022.

“ACT Health is using Exhibition Park as a COVID-19 testing facility until the end of November and can‘t confirm we’ll have our venue back, which is an unmanageable risk to our event,” Summernats managing director Andy Lopez said.

But back up: all is not lost.

Lopez plans a “reduced capacity” event called Summernats Rev Rock ‘n’ Roll for March, which has the green light from Chief Minister Andrew Barr.

Feminist Christmas

The winners (really, losers) of the 28th Annual Ernie Awards will be announced virtually on Thursday night.

Meredith Burgmann, founder of the sexist name and shame, explained: “Because of COVID, we can’t hold the usual Ernies Awards Dinner for 350 enthusiastic (and sometimes emotional) women, where the winners of each category are decided by the loudness of the boos which greet each remark.”

Instead, an “Ernies Council of Elders” will pick from 238 nominations.

Frontrunners, we’re told, include Frydenbergfor claiming “the gender pay gap has closed” (it’s still 14 per cent), Liberal MP Craig Kelly, One Nation leader Pauline Hanson, former Labor powerbroker Adem Somyurek, AMP, Shore School’s “Triwizard Shorenament” and ABC chair Ita Buttrose for saying “Australia has become too politically correct and we are far too sensitive now … Even in the workplace, the way men and women used to talk to one another, which was quite fun, I think, doesn’t exist today”.

Damn Daniel

Congratulations to Daniel Andrews! He may have dropped to fourth in his AFL tipping comp, but we’re reliably informed Wednesday was the Victorian Premier’s 90th daily press conference in a row. After another 10, will he get a letter from the Queen?

No royalties

Princess Eugenie has rejected the “curse” of a title for her new bub and there are calls for Prince Harry to lose his. But Julie Bishop wants people to keep using her parliamentary peerage. The former foreign minister appears in jeweller Georg Jensen’s campaign for his $250 silver curve heart pendant — for each one sold, Jensen donates $50 to the Ovarian Cancer Research Foundation — and is referred to as The Hon. Julie Bishop. “If you are a member of executive government as I was and you are bestowed with the title honourable, you get that title for life,” Bishop said. “I worked hard enough for that, I’ll keep it.”

Out of Sussex-ion

“It will be tasteful. They want to give people a glimpse into their lives.”

Or so a “source” claims about Harry and Meghan’s upcoming reality show with Netflix.

We’re keen to hear your re-Markle-able title ideas for the behind the scenes Megxit in the comments below.

The Prince and the Paralegal? Once Removed? Not in Meg Backyard? The Spare and the Socialite? Rebel Without A Crown?

Keeping up with the Mountbatten-Windsors.

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