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Andrew Constance’s three-card trick

Here’s a surefire way to eliminate NSW government debt, all thanks to John Barilaro and Andrew Constance.

Alice Workman
4 min read
8:27PMMay 06, 2020.
Updated 1:31PMMay 07, 2020
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Eden Monaro candidates-turned-non-candidates John Barilaro and Andrew Constance. Picture: AAP
Eden Monaro candidates-turned-non-candidates John Barilaro and Andrew Constance. Picture: AAP

If anyone constructs a Mal Meninga Museum of Political Brevity, a small wing should be dedicated to Andrew Constance … the man who eight weeks after declaring he was quitting state politics put his hand up to enter the federal arena via Eden-Monaro then less than 24 hours later changed his mind and exited stage right.

Earlier this week, Constance said, without a hint of irony, “people have had a gutful of politics”. Correct! So who will the Coalition run?

“Back to ( John ) Barilaro … oh wait,” state Labor MP Chris   Minns mused.

A reference to the disgruntled pelican — sorry, NSW Nationals leader — and the now awkwardly timed leak of his abusive text messages to federal Nats leader Michael McCormack . Plus the revelation Barra may have called Constance a see-you-next-Tuesday (sound it out). Another fatality of the Coup de Constance?

“You could eliminate the debt of the NSW state government by selling tickets to the next cabinet meeting that has Barilaro & Constance in attendance,” Labor senator AnthonyChisholm suggested. Sign. Us. Up.

Nominations close Friday morning and this paper’s Peter van Onselen has a suggestion: “Liberals should think about parachuting Georgina Downer into Eden-Monaro … And Warren Mundine can switch parties to the Nationals and run for them.”

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Timing is everything

How many Mal Meningas did Constance’s candidacy last? Potentially none. Unlike Mal, the NSW Transport Minister didn’t make it to his first interview.

According to RN Breakfast, Constance cancelled his Wednesday appearance with minutes to spare.

For the record: the question that brought big Mal down in 2001? “Why are you running?” The rugby league great lasted 28 seconds: “I was, I’m buggered. I’m sorry, I have to resign.”

To confound the confusion, Constance was pleased with the juxtaposition: “There’s a good person to be compared to, let me tell you! Mal’s a champion, so I’m happy for that comparison.”

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Illegal handshake?

After the whiplash, Nats deputy David Littleproud told Sky his partyroom would happily welcome Barra to Canberra.

“That’s the good thing about the Nats, you have a spit, shake hands and get on with the job.” Then get arrested for breaking social distancing? But will the Liberals welcome back Tony Abbott? Malcolm Turnbull’ssuccessor, Dave Sharma, told the ABC he was “neutral” about the former PM’s political return.

“It’s up to Tony,” he said. “I don’t favour any candidate. Whoever the electors throw up, I will work with them and sit alongside them.” Doth he protest too much?

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Ray of sunshine and contrition

Much like a box of chocolates, you never know what you’re going to get when Scott Morrison phones into Ray Hadley’s 2GB radio show: warmth and chumminess, impatience and temper, sarcasm and silence, anger and forgiveness.

Ray Hadley. Picture: Getty Images
Ray Hadley. Picture: Getty Images

The shock jock surprised ScoMo on Wednesday with an apology years in the making. But for what? There’s been more than a few bromance blues. As in 2015, when Hadley asked Morrison to swear on a bible he had not betrayed Abbott during Turnbull’ssuccessful spill.

Morrison arrived for that robust encounter with a hard hat in hand and uttered “mate” an astounding 18 times. But this mea culpa related to the 2017 “dumping” of their weekly chat, when Hadley accused the then treasurer of “lying” about skipping 2GB to appear on the ABC. Quelle horror.

At the time, Hadley sprayed: “He’s become boring, he doesn’t say anything, he’s full of platitudes and any time we talk about the opinion polls, he waxes lyrical.” Yet it seems all is forgotten. Quoth 2020 Hadley: “You’ll end up one of our great prime ministers. I think you have handled yourself with class, dignity and distinction and a level of energy I’ve rarely seen. So accept my sincere apologies.”

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Bill’s the cool dad in the scene

Watch out DJ Albo! MC BillyBob Shorten dropped the mic during his weekly spin on Today.

Bill Shorten.
Bill Shorten.

“I’ve got three kids and spend about 150 nights a year away as a politician and for the last month and a half, you know, I know it’s been terrible for a lot of people, but I’ve got to put my hand up and say some of it’s been OK,” Shorten explained.

“I know my kids better now than I did six weeks ago. My oldest boy (Rupert) is explaining to me his love of rap music — and … he really knows what’s the latest in the scene.”

Host David Campbell asked: “In the scene? He is down with the beats? Are you spitting bars with him at home?”

Shorten said: “He was trying to explain to me where the best bands are from Mount Druitt to Hampton Park and I’m going, oh yeah. And I’ve got my 10-year-old and she’s ah, her music is more sophisticated than mine, too.”

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And he’s staying pizza-safe, too

But Bill has been keeping busy. After posting a video about the tracing-not-tracking COVIDSafe app not working on iPhones, one cheeky tweeter replied: “Mr Shorten, my Dominos Pizza app is also not working properly. The countdown timer thing is always incorrect for arrival. Could you please complain about this as well?”

Always sticking up for the little guy, Shorten got involved: “Look, a bit outside my portfolio, but always happy to give a chop out where I can — hey @Dominos_AU, can you help?”

Within half an hour, the pizza company replied and promised to get on to it right away, joking: “We all know an app is of national importance in these unprecedented times, we just didn’t know it would be ours!”

Read related topics:NSW Politics

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Original URL: https://www.theaustralian.com.au/commentary/strewth/andrew-constances-threecard-trick/news-story/71b7c52c977980d94e6544f1e8f1ece2