Strewth: A kick up the ask

Even before the line “like a turd in a well” bobbed up, Strewth was having flashbacks to when Scott Morrison was in his happy place.

Even before the line “like a turd in a well” bobbed up yesterday, Strewth was having flashbacks to when Scott Morrison was in his happy place: the immigration portfolio upon his shoulders and the power to not answer questions very much in his hands. Even then it wasn’t new. In 2003, before ScoMo was an MP, our illustrious Strewth predecessors DD McNicoll and Emma-Kate Symons wrote: “Over at the Liberals’ unveiling of their ‘a fresh approach’ campaign slogan, state director Scott Morrison displayed an almost paranoid concern about answering even basic questions. Morrison could loosen up.” He does, sometimes. But as we were reminded during yesterday’s instalment of ScoMo’s Queensland road (and air) show, old habits die hard.

Journo: “Prime Minister, how concerned are you that the recent turmoil within the Coalition is going to negatively impact your local members in this area like Michelle (Landry)?”

(On radio yesterday, Morrison described Landry as “my Youngstar”, a reference to the Melbourne Cup mare. Landry probably shouldn’t read too much into Youngstar finishing sixth.)

Morrison: “Well, I don’t agree with the premise of the question, so I’m not concerned at all.”

Journo: “I spoke to a voter last night at the pub who said exactly that, exactly that, that they wouldn’t vote for the LNP because of the instability.”

Morrison (who governs for all Australians): “I think that you have to stop talking to Labor voters. Or the Greens.”

At another press conference, it was a question about a local voter’s clearly understandable love for MP Ken O’Dowd being overcome by fears of instability, fears that surely will be laid to rest when Malcolm Turnbull appears on the ABC’s Q&A tonight. Quoth ScoMo: “I think the ABC should stop coming up to press conferences and repeating the lines of the Labor Party every time I step up to the microphone.”

And all is well

But it was at the first presser that a journalist raised the aforementioned scat: “The (Australian Financial Review*) is actually reporting today that this (Queensland bus and jet) trip is going down, quote: ‘Like a turd in a well.’ Are you actually feeling positive about this trip?” At this, ScoMo began to loosen up: “I don’t focus on the narks in Canberra. I don’t focus on the narks in Canberra, I focus on families here in Rockhampton. And what I know they need is, they need this ring road project and we’re committing to it. So you know, I’m glad to be out of the Canberra bubble and you’ve clearly got a hotline to the Canberra bubble on your phone there as they’re feeding in the questions to you.” We believe this may be “fake news” in the ScoMoan tongue. Anyway, with this welcome loosening of the prime ministerial tongue under way, the assembled journalists were careful to ask questions that kept it going. “Oh, that’s a crock. That’s what that is,” ScoMo said of one Labor claim, then promptly followed that with a lengthy and energetic pounding of Bill Shorten. (*The AFR was quoting one of Morrison’s own MPs. When a journalist ended their “turd in a well” query to Josh Frydenberg with “Are they wrong?”, the Treasurer did not skip a beat: “They are wrong …”)

There’s a chair in there

All it took in the end was one very special ingredient and ScoMo reminded us he has a happy place that’s filled with words, too.

Journo: “Do you welcome Mark Latham’s return to …”

Morrison: “Well, you know, Mark Latham, it’s a bit like The Bachelor. He’s been handing out roses to the Labor Party, to the Liberal Democrats, and now he’s handing out one to One Nation. Who knows who he’ll go home with? Thanks very much.”

Perhaps it was a tribute to ScoMo’s bus travelling much of Queensland almost entirely empty — the Morri(son) Celeste, if you will — but Latham was represented by an empty chair on Network Ten’s Studio 10 program yesterday. This seemed a bit of a surprise to everyone concerned, not least Pauline Hanson, who was not entirely sure where her trophy recruit was. Eventually, Studio 10 co-host Joe Hildebrand found Latham out on the street near the Ten building — a true outsider at last. Not everyone seemed pleased. For Tanya Plibersek, it sounded like the hurt was still fresh: “One Nation is welcome to have Mark Latham. Hopefully he does to the One Nation vote what he did to ours.”

Consuming passion

As debate about what the truest role/s of government is/are these days, we thank Katter Australia Party Queensland MP Robbie Katter for this solid definition: “Preventing people from being eaten while going for a swim is the kind of thing governments are meant to get right.” We’d like this on a tea towel.

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