A Fault in Their Stars: the astrological alternative to Newspoll

It’s already clear 2022 is the year of the RAT. But with Mercury in retrograde, Strewth took a look at what the planets have planned for our pollies.

The skies have it: Strewth consulted Mystic Medusa to see what's in store for our politicans in 2022. Pictures: Supplied/NewsWire

Welcome, dear readers, to the Year of the RAT! Rapid antigen tests, that is.

The new, new normal has already warped the political algorithm for 2022, with Canberra Bubble™ pundits scrambling to put their finger on the Quiet Australian pulse ahead of the impending democracy sausage day.

Some scenarios are depressingly predictable — an inflation of blame storming, high-speed (rail) pork barrelling, verbal Viagra while fist bumping babies (the CovidSafe stand-in for kissing babies) and quantum budgetary calculations that would astound even the most avant-garde astrophysicist.

I don't do predictions.

— Antony Green - elections (@AntonyGreenElec) January 23, 2022

To help, Strewth has teamed up with this august organ’s own star gazer Mystic Medusa (usually found in The Weekend Australian’s Review) for an astrological alternative to Newspoll’s powers of prediction.

With Mercury in retrograde, what do the planets have planned for your favourite and not-so-favourite pollies in 2022?

Scott Morrison.

Let’s start with Scott Morrison (born May 13, 1968).

Pentecostal and a Taurus, Australia’s 30th Prime Minister is naturally endowed with faith in himself, his judgment and the Holy Spirit. Taureans are patient and tactical – they’re endurance players.

It’s probably against his religion but an election called for April 8, during Lent, would favour his personal birth chart immensely.

From late August, however, an abrasive Mars-Mercury transit suggests a series of flashpoints: Morrison could be torn between his deep sense of manifest leadership destiny and the archetypal Taurus desire to lurk in a leafy suburb – gardening and drafting snarky take-downs.

The only other major-league Taurus is former Labor leader Bill Shorten (May 12, 1967).

Shorten shares Scomo’s Teflon confidence and blunt ambition but lacks the current PM’s wily – some would say duplicitous – Mars in Gemini. He’s not as comfortable with ambiguity.

Bill Shorten.

To lead again, Shorten would need to oust Anthony Albanese (March 2, 1963), a triple Piscean.

Fluid-natured and trend-aware, Pisces thrives on being underestimated: they love performing a victorious glide-by past gobsmacked enemies. They can’t show their working but when it comes off, nobody cares.

The 16kg lighter Albanese has the most profound and beneficial astrology of his entire life in play this year: the lucky, expansive leg of it is potent in March-April while September-December is a more responsibility-laden Saturnine influence.

Anthony Albanese.

Astrologically, Albo is similar to Tassie devil Jacqui Lambie (Feb 26, 1971) and it’s not only because they’re both Pisces. They share an avant-garde Mercury in Aquarius and charismatic, impulsive fire sign Mars placements (big on audacity, not crash-hot on strategy).

If Labor wins government, Lambie with her “real person” cut-through candour could be to a possible PM Albo what One Nation has been to ScoMo.

Extremely outside possibility: They mate and spawn hybrid policies. If she doesn’t flame out, Lambie would have strong mainstream appeal in the second half of this decade.

Jacqui Lambie.

The third member of this Pisces Power-Trio? Greens leader Adam Bandt (March 11, 1972).

It’s notable because Pisceans are not normally attracted to politics. Regardless of which party goes with it first, the Zeitgeist will favour a less neo-liberal approach — aka Bandt’s Agenda.

Like Lambie and Albanese, Bandt has classic Pisces mutability, so he’s quick to sense societal change and the street mood. But his big asset is also his potential liability: a revved-up, high-velocity Mercury in Aries.

Synched to visionary Neptune and at odds with Jupiter, it needs tight control or a more creatively open arena than parliament.

Adam Bandt.

The Cancerian cabal has had a strong – albeit intensive – run of cosmic support in recent years: Josh Frydenberg (July 17, 1971) and state premiers Daniel Andrews (July 6, 1972) and Mark McGowan (July 13, 1967) are all Crab guys.

But the zodiac sign’s tenacity and frequent reverence for “this used to work” protocol runs counter to 2022 trends.

After recovering from Covid, Frydo has a concealed weapon: a futuristic, reinventive Mars/ Moon’s node conjunction in Aquarius. The deputy Liberal leader’s holding wilder, sharper concepts than are apparent and this is his year to stealthily develop them. Or to find a way to finesse them for electoral consumption.

Josh Frydenberg.

Andrews and McGowan are clever operators who are usually geared toward stability and measured, canny political moves.

Cancerians are clannish, strategically empathetic and good in hierarchies. But this year, even aside from pandemic pressures, they are both under rare, high-strength and psychologically transformative outer planetary influences.

Which could help or hinder the Victorian poll in November.

The advantages include immense reserves of energy and motivation but they can also be compelled by instinct or hubris and become overblown, power-addicted personae.

Does that explain McGowan’s WA border backflip?

Mark McGowan.

Speaking of such phenomena, newly engaged Barnaby Joyce (April 17, 1967) and unvaxxed Senate wannabe Clive Palmer (March 26, 1954) – both confidence-rich Mars-ruled Aries men – are trending in opposite directions over 2022.

Deputy PM Joyce has had a turbulent few years, generating and battling controversy at the same time.

Astrologically, Pluto was square his prominent Mars, highlighting the incongruence between his flamboyant support for “traditional love and marriage” and the dissolution of his own thanks to an extra-marital relationship with his former staffer Vikki Campion.

The father of six’s desire for more creative autonomy, and less government in his life, could well be fulfilled in 2022.

Vikki Campion and Barnaby Joyce.

Meanwhile Palmer, a mining magnate with Mars opposite go-hard-or-go-home Jupiter is deploying considerable cash. His astral outlook suggests exuberant success this year but as a provocateur/polemicist rather than a ruler.

One Nation’s Pauline Hanson (May 27, 1954), born eight weeks after Palmer, is a Gemini with an indefatigable Capricorn-Mars-driven work ethic.

Interestingly, an old-school astrologer would describe her relationship with Morrison as karmic animosity.

From mid-May, Jupiter challenges Hanson’s powerhouse planets, generating frustration with the managerial, granular aspects of her work.

Like Joyce, she may become a politician who loathes politics. She’d be looking to pivot but without disillusioning her followers.

Pauline Hanson.

Despite the colourful tabloid content that Palmer and Hanson inspire, Queensland is ruled by double Leo Annastacia Palaszczuk (July 25, 1969).

An advocate of power-grooming, like all Leos – which manifested last year with a glam makeover and debut of new beau Reza Abid – she was born with the Sun conjunct messenger god Mercury: think maximum eloquence.

But Saturn in gnarly aspect means Palaszczuk can block her own light and 2021’s astro accentuated the syndrome. She is emerging from her most difficult phase on record but resets to full Lion Queen power by May.

Annastacia Palaszczuk.

Until then, she may be vulnerable to missteps made from lack of confidence and could even miss the competitive edge of Gladys Berejiklian (September 22, 1970).

Berejiklian is no ordinary Virgo: Her Sun is conjunct Mars/Pluto, super-charging her ambition and giving her practically paranormal powers of pattern recognition. Even her enemies acknowledge her hyper-Virgoan work ethic.

She’s resilient and ruthless — Machiavelli in a pink cardigan — meaning the ICAC stink factor of Daryl Maguire is unlikely to prevent any plans for 2022.

Gladys Berejiklian and Daryl Maguire.

Newbie NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet (September 21, 1982) is another Virgo but the millennial’s main astrological signature is a cavalier, forward-thinking Mars-Uranus conjunction, backed by the epochal Saturn-Pluto conjunction.

Perrottet lacks the patience or guile to cloak policies in fluffy robes like spin-conscious colleagues but he is likely to be vindicated sooner rather than later.

Dominic Perrottet.

Curiously, the one politician Mystic Medusa failed to find a feel for is Kristina Keneally (December 19, 1968). Does this foreshadow a foul end to the Labor senator’s sashay into the lower house seat of Fowler?

Only time will tell.

Kristina Keneally.

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