Richard Riordan’s Zoom blooper an ‘animated constituent’

Victorian MP Richard Riordan did not swear at his staff, thank you very much! But he could use a hand finding the mute button.

A screenshot of the parliamentary inquiry Zoom meeting in which an audible obscenity or two was broadcast from the office of Victorian MP Richard Riordan (pictured bottom right). Picture: Supplied

Victorian Liberal Richard Riordan did not swear at his staff, thank you very much!

Riordan released a statement to set the record straight after ABC’s Insiders screened a clip that misattributed the mute blooper.

Politicians are still getting the hang of how to handle virtual committee hearings. This week's lesson from Victoria – if you're going to blow up at your staff, make sure you're on mute.

We'll leave you with that. Thanks for watching. #insiders #auspol pic.twitter.com/b3dKY7GyIb

— Insiders ABC (@InsidersABC) August 16, 2020

“The segment played footage of me accidentally turning my sound on to take a phone call,” the state MP said about the incident, which took place during a video conference of Victoria’s coronavirus inquiry.

Things are not what they seem @David_Speers , @InsidersABC . What I have learnt this week is do not take constituent calls until the mute button is on!! :) #insiders #auspol pic.twitter.com/OgXjbh2cCF

— Richard Riordan MP (@r_riordanmp) August 17, 2020

“The ABC implied I was speaking to my staff. At this time, due to Victorian COVID-19 regulations, I was in my office by myself and was not engaging with my staff at all. The colourful language that was broadcast was not mine and was not directed at my staff. The language broadcast was from an animated constituent vigorously prosecuting their argument.”

Clarification: It was not Richard Riordan making the comments in the clip. He says it was one of his constituents "vigorously prosecuting their argument". https://t.co/ISSJG5k30j

— Insiders ABC (@InsidersABC) August 17, 2020

Insiders tweeted a clarification, not an apology, and the video is still up. We wonder what Media Watch will make of this!

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A code blue (tick)

ASIO has joined Twitter with a dad joke. The spooks tweeted from behind a newspaper, midday Monday: “Hi internet, ASIO here. I spy a new Twitter account. We thought it would be fun if you followed us for a change. #ASIO #YourSecurityService.” And we thought our puns were bad!

Hi internet, ASIO here. I spy a new Twitter account. We thought it would be fun if you followed us for a change. 🕵️‍♀️ 🕵️‍♂️#ASIO #YourSecurityService

— ASIO (@ASIOGovAu) August 17, 2020

The account sprang to life on the same day this paper reported that Home Affairs Minister Peter Dutton had quietly introduced sweeping new guidelines for spies — coincidence?

“You have to give them some points for opening up. And humour coming from Home Affairs — well, that’s something,” newly independent South Australian senator Rex Patrick told Strewth.
On top of its social media launch, the secret agents have a new aqua and navy logo with added slogan: “Securing Australia — protecting its people”.

ASIO wasn’t keen, however, to answer our questions (such as, how much taxpayer money did this in-house rebrand cost?). Instead, a nameless faceless directed us to a statement by top trenchcoat Mike Burgess. Apparently, staff submitted ideas for the first missive and a combination of the best was used. Nothing like comedy by committee!

Australian Security Intelligence Organisation ASIO Director General Mike Burgess. Picture: AAP/File

“We toyed with the idea of tweeting ‘no comment’ and following it up with ‘and that’s off the record’,” Burgess said. “But I’m keen to dispel any notion that ASIO is a shadowy, unaccountable organisation. Nothing could be further from the truth.”

Burgess continued: “I have a strong personal belief in being as open and transparent as possible, and that will be a hallmark of my time as Director-General. But as you can see from our first tweet, ASIO does have a sense of humour — our people are ordinary Australians who do extraordinary things.”

Burgess wants Quiet Australians to engage with the spy account, but not to report national security threats via Twitter. As for that logo … the statement says it’s actually a modern “mark”. Huh?

“The ASIO mark is a reflection of the work ASIO does, moving from the shadows into the light, and bringing the puzzle pieces together to create a clearer picture.” Burgess added: “When ASIO speaks, it will be with one voice. A professional, consistent visual identity is a part of that.” That’s truly spooky. Fingers crossed that we don’t end up on a watch list for this. After all, we weren’t Bourne yesterday!

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Turn a blind spy

Here’s a couple more quips for the public servant sleuths to chuck on Twitter. What spy is the best at swimming? James Pond. What type of shoes work best for espionage? Sneakers. And our favourite — why did the spy cross the road? Because he was never really on your side.

When people say Daniel Craig is the best James Bond #Clueless pic.twitter.com/s0GQaZfH2U

— 🎧The80sHub.com📺 (@Fanatic80s) August 10, 2020

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Lost cntrl

Down in Victoria, the redoubtable Department of Health and Human Services is seeking help with COVID-19 from … kids with computers!

CivVic Labs is offering $185,000 in funding “for start-ups with innovative ways to help communities prevent and control the spread of infectious diseases and address the issue of antimicrobial resistance”.

Done in partnership with IKP Knowledge Park in Bangalore, over three months tech guys and gals will “have the opportunity to explore implementing a solution in Victoria and India”. What sort of IT ideas are they seeking? “By way of example, that could be as simple as encouraging people to use antibiotics in line with medical advice or staying home from work when sick.”

DHHS wants “digital solutions to help generate behaviour change, for example encouraging more appropriate antibiotic use; reduction in preventable infections; faster interventions by government; and reduction in the demand for acute services due to infections and infectious diseases”.

Here’s an idea for free: hire TikTok influencers to super spread the word. DHHS is offering access to deputy chief health officers Annaliese van Diemen and Angie Bone, Infectious Diseases Service boss James McCarthy and digital health experts.

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I see red

From Strewth reader Blade: “In new reports, the incidence of clots is mentioned in relation to COVID-19; is this the problem caused by the clots in the Victorian Government & Health Dept.?” Five stars.

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Silence of the LANs

Winternet is coming! The next time someone mentions a virtual parliament, remember this exchange on Sky News between host Tom Connell (in the Canberra Bubble™), Liberal MP Jason Falinksi (on Sydney’s northern beaches) and Labor MP Patrick Gormann (in Perth).

Connell: “We’re just struggling with that picture and connection unfortunately, Jason Falinski. I might get our team to see if they can tweak that. I don’t know. Well I’m sure Patrick Gorman can make a bit of an NBN joke there if he likes … OK, we can see Jason Falinski’s striking features in much better picture right now. So we’ll come back to you now, Jason Falinski.”

Announcing that I am forming the #voteremain campaign to stop WA's secession.

This is a hill I am prepared to die on. @SkyNewsAust @JasonFalinskiMP#wapol #auspol pic.twitter.com/BylfyRWbCr

— Patrick Gorman MP (@PatrickGormanMP) August 13, 2020

Gorman: “Welcome back, Jason. It’s been the saddest two minutes of my day.”

Falinski: “You know every time someone argues for a virtual parliament, I mean this is on the parliamentary networks.”

Connell: “Is it? Wow.”

Gorman: “Are you on the NBN?”

Falinski: “What’s that?”

Gorman: “Ask Malcolm Turnbull.”

Drop it like it’s hot(spot).

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Je Suis Picallo

NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian has banned group singing and wind instruments in schools from Wednesday. Ode to joy! In our humble opinion, the recorder should have been put out for a long rest decades ago — pandemic or no.

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