2020 Strewth Awards: Time to grab a gong after a year of highs and oh-so-lows
Roll up, roll up, to the 2020 Strewth Awards! Relive the highs and lows, the weird and wonderful, the Belt and Road of these unprecedented times.
Roll up, roll up, to the 2020 Strewth Awards! Relive the highs and lows, the weird and wonderful, the Belt and Road of these unprecedented times. Thanks to all who contributed. Without further ado, but some apologies, here are the winners.
Quiet Australian of 2020: Everyone who stayed home, washed their hands and didn’t hoard toilet paper (including Strewth’s 91-year-old grandparents Harry & Maureen).
Strewth Word of The Year: Coronyism (noun): giving government COVID contracts to your mates.
Golden Toilet Paper (for the most mentions in this column): Prime Minister Scott Morrison — we promise it’s not a smear campaign. Runner up: Labor leader Anthony Albanese.
Bronwyn Bishop Silver Chopper: Former finance minister Mathias Cormann for charging taxpayers $4300 an hour to fly a RAAF jet around Europe to campaign for the top OECD job.
Thrown Under the Bus Bronze: Former Australian Post boss Christine Holgate and the $20k of Cartier watches.
Canberra Bubble™ Bonanza: The mandarins (and minister Paul Fletcher) who paid 10 times too much for Western Sydney Airport land.
Saddest Break-up of 2020: Treasurer Josh Frydenberg and his Back in Black budget. Highly commended: Attorney-General Christian Porter and bestie ACTU boss Sally McManus.
Gladys Knight Award: Disgraced Liberal Daryl Maguire’s ICAC testimony about his secret lover, NSW Premier Gladys Berejiklian.
Karen Of The Year: Gladys Berejiklian for not self-isolating after a COVID-19 test. Tied with: COVIDiots Pete Evans and Craig Kelly. Plus OG Karen from Brighton, Tan fan Jodi Grollo.
Herd Immunity to Accountability OA: Scott Morrison, Christian Porter, Stuart Robert and the illegal RoboDebt scheme. Joint runners up with equal scrutiny deficit disorder: Rio Tinto destroying ancient rock shelters and the Victorian government cutting down the Djab Wurrung Directions Tree.
The Golden Buck (Pass): Stuart Robert claiming RoboDebt was invented by Bob Hawke.
Fantastic, Great Move, Well Done Angus: Seniors Minister Richard Colbeck not knowing the number of COVID-19 aged-care deaths (it was 685 residents).
Best Joke of 2020: $20m COVIDSafe app that’s made a whopping 17 unique detections. Runner up: virtual parliament failing to connect the iso PM 800m away in The Lodge.
Bill Shorten Memorial Lettuce (for the worst interaction with a member of the public): ScoMo’s hand for insisting it doesn’t hold a hose (while on vacay in Hawaii), then being refused a shake by a bushfire victim in Cobargo. Runner up: Albo talking about childcare subsidies to toddlers.
You Had One Job Jackpot: Team ScoMo holding a press doorstop next to a “Snake Habitat!” sign during the Eden-Monaro by-election. Runner up: Josh Frydenberg’s coughing fit during his pandemic budget update.
Best Prop of the Year: Scott Cam’s short-lived run as the $347,000 Careers Ambassador. Runner up: Guy Sebastian.
Mal Meninga Medal For Political Brevity: Andrew Constance for spending less than 24 hours in the race for Eden-Monaro. The revolving door runner up: WA Liberals, onto a fourth leader in less than four years with a poll due in March.
Paul Keating Insult Wreath: Paul Keating moaning about “a bunch of little bitchy Liberals” trying to undermine his superannuation system.
Most Miserable Ghost: Malcolm Turnbull who was mentioned in 12,500-plus media stories (more than any other former PM, according to Streem). Runner up: UK trade envoy Tony Abbott.
There’s Never Been A Better Time Lawsuit: ScoMo staffer Nico Louw and the disseminators who leaked Turnbull’s tome A Bigger Picture.
Working At The Coalface Cup: Nationals senator Matt Canavan.
No Wrecking, No Undermining, No Sniping Guarantee: Joel Fitzgibbon quitting the Labor frontbench to spend more time with the media (talking coal).
Gas-Led Recovery Rosette: Energy Minister Angus Taylor. Judges noted the Liberal MP is so full of rhetorical hot air he’s in danger of talking himself up into space.
NIMBY Cup of Green Tea: One Nation leader Pauline Hanson’s environmental protest against social distancing in April. “Let’s see if they will turn up and fine me because I’m out there in my paddock laying on the ground.”
Alexander Downer Fishnets: Queensland maverick MP Bob Katter wins best stunt of the year for dusting off his Grim Reaper robe (and scythe!) to protest the death of Australia’s car industry.
John Howard Cricket Bowl: Health Minister Greg Hunt fumbling while trying to don a face mask.
Steven Bradbury Speed Skater Of The Year: Annastacia Palaszczuk for scoring the AFL grand final after Victoria and NSW fell over hotspots. Honourable mentions: Resources Minister Keith Pitt (entered cabinet after Bridget McKenzie was knocked off and Matt Canavan quit) and Labor MP Ed Husic (was promoted after Joel Fitzgibbon’s hara kiri).
Have A Go, You Get A Go Gong: Former Nationals deputy Bridget McKenzie and her colour-coded sports rorts spreadsheet.
Julia Gillard Misogyny Watch: Liberal deputy whip Nicolle Flint, who stripped down to a garbage bag in protest against a sexist article about her clothing.
Binders Full of Women: Chick owner (and coop builder) ScoMo claiming ladies were big winners in the budget because “women want to drive on safe roads”.
Julie Bishop Fashion Diplomacy Heels: Dictator Dan Andrews’ North Face jacket, which served as a visual cue that Victorians could “get on the beers”.
Sam Dastyari Golden Century Dumpling: Andrew “Twiggy” Forrest for inviting a Chinese diplomat to a press conference without telling Greg Hunt.
Howard and Costello Best Double Act: John Barilaro and a koala. Runner up: TikTok and Aussie users’ data.
Gretchen Wieners Award For Trying To Make Fetch Happen: The $15m taxpayer-funded “comeback” catchphrase, created by a Melbourne ad agency.
Pissing Outside The Tent Trophy: The Greens. Adam Bandt was anointed successor after the surprise retirement of Richard Di Natale. Judges noted the minor party’s ongoing ability to hold (allegedly) bloodless coups and reshuffles without anyone backgrounding the media.
Pissing Inside The Tent Trophy: The Nationals leadership spill in February, which failed to knock off leader Michael McCormack but did secure Llew (Who) O’Brien as surprise deputy Speaker in the House of Representatives. Runner up: The Otis Group 2.0
Barnaby Joyce Bio-Security Shield: The Agriculture Department for investigation of possible perjury by Amanda Heard, ex-wife of Johnny Depp, over the illegal entry of her dogs Pistol & Boo.
Accidental Minister for Love: Greg Hunt on the ballsy escape of a polygamist primate ahead of a vasectomy in February: “I have to say, my heart was with the baboons … They operated as a modern relationship and I’m fine with that.” Highly commended: David Littleproud’s mission to “make agriculture sexy again”, Josh Frydenberg insisting “the doona is probably big enough for two of us” and Dandrews explaining the difference between platonic and intimate relationships.
Best Tweet of 2020: Professor Peter Doherty: “Dan Murphy opening times”.
Not sure what this means but, since inadvertently tweeting about Dan Murphy at lunchtime, I seemed to have picked up 1100 followers.
— Prof. Peter Doherty (@ProfPCDoherty) April 27, 2020
Worst Tweet of 2020: “Hi internet, ASIO here. I spy a new Twitter account. We thought it would be fun if you followed us for a change.”
Most Popular New Influencer: @rovingbabychief Instagram of Hunter Thomas Gunner (son of NT Chief Minister Michael Gunner). Runner up: ScoMo and ABC journo Andrew Probyn’s TikTok hit “Andrew you don’t run the press conference” (feat. Katherine Murphy).
Paul Kelly Prize (for the best Paul Kelly): Paul Kelly.
I Stopped These Trophy: Everyone involved with the Ruby Princess cruise ship and Victorian hotel quarantine.
94A Boot (for most Question Time time-outs in 2020): Joint winners Labor MPs Julian Hill and Terri Butler
George Brandis ‘We All Have A Right To Be Bigots’ Crown: One Nation for trying to send stubby holders (that said “I’ve got the guts to say what you’re thinking”) to locked down Melbourne public housing towers after Pauline Hanson labelled residents “drug addicts” and “alcoholics”.
In Memoriam: RIP in peace to Mathias Cormann and Penny Wong’s budget estimates banter.
Strewthiest Saying Of The Year: Australia’s Most Popular Premier* Mark McGowan takes the final bow for backing in kebab eaters and hairstyle freedom: “Some of my best friends have mullets and I’d just encourage people with mullets to rise up and rebel.” Highly commended: Steven Marshall’s “vertical consumption” at pubs, Michaelia Cash’s “curry for the country”, Christian Porter accusing Labor of revving “their motorcycles, seeing who can jump the biggest shark” (the Fonz used a waterski) and Michael McCormack’s “how good are tunnels”.
*according to Newspoll
strewth@theaustralian.com.au
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