Queensland chief health officer Jeannette Young is to take up her new digs at Government House in November. Hoping desperately she can be persuaded to bring that date forward, I have taken the liberty of penning her swearing-in ceremony.
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Whereas Her Majesty, Queen Elizabeth the Second, has named Jeannette Rosita Young as Governor of Queensland.
And verily, Dr Young, your name has been synonymous with selfless devotion to public duty, particularly as the state’s chief health officer.
Without besmirching the good name of your predecessor, The Honourable Paul de Jersey, it must be said many Queenslanders have been counting down the days to this occasion, something that surely must be attributed to their universal admiration and love for you.
Throughout this pandemic, we have grown to love your trademark phrases, such as “I need you to” and “I am disappointed”. As you have proven, it is crucial that the public response to the virus is defined in the first person by the wants, needs, and feelings of an egocentric bureaucrat. Nothing symbolised better to citizens that the adults were in charge than your recent exhortation: “If we don’t do something really, really, really special in Queensland, we’ll be extending the lockdown.”
And regarding your position on Covid vaccinations, you really, really, really kept us guessing. On February 27 you declared: “The most important thing everyone can do from here is get vaccinated. I know I will be ready and 100 per cent confident when it is my turn in the queue.” Being designated as part of Phase 1B, it was your turn on March 21, although you did not elect to be vaccinated until more than two months later, and only after The Australian revealed that neither you nor Premier Annastacia Palaszczuk had done so.
On June 21 you declared: “I do want to continue to push to roll out the vaccine. I want every adult Queenslander 16 years of age and over able to have at least been offered the vaccine before I become governor, that’s absolutely my push over the time between now and November.” As to what direction you were pushing, that remains a mystery. Only eight days later you declared angrily “I do not want under 40s to get AstraZeneca … wouldn’t it be terrible that our first 18-year-old in Queensland who dies, related to this pandemic, died because of the vaccine?”
This was the same person who wrote in January: “Vaccines have allowed us to live, and they have allowed us to thrive. A life unimpeded by preventable disease and suffering is a gift, and it is one you all deserve. There will be those who are concerned that a Covid-19 vaccine will not be safe. It will be. There will be those who tell you that a Covid-19 vaccine will not have been properly tested. It has been. I ask you all to remember, science is not up for debate.”
Exactly what constitutes science has proved at times to be a vexed issue. We are to understand, for example, that it was science behind your decision to ban pilots from flying four World War II-era planes on Anzac Day last year. Just like it was science that motivated you last year to direct motorists driving alone to wear a mask.
It was science that saw you shut Queensland schools in March last year, despite there being no logical basis to do so. “If you go out to the community and say, ‘this is so bad, we can’t even have schools, all schools have got to be closed’, you are really getting to people,” you said in justifying this move, explaining this would help people understand the threat of Covid. “So sometimes it’s more than just the science and the health, it’s about the messaging,” you added. Because science is about really getting to people.
It was science that stipulated your decision in September to ban Canberra woman Sarah Caisip from attending her father’s funeral, notwithstanding she had travelled from the ACT, a jurisdiction that has not had a new case of Covid since July last year. It was science that led you to determine that celebrities such as singer Dannii Minogue could quarantine in her Gold Coast retreat, but that plebs had to enter hotel quarantine, a process that costs them thousands.
It was science that saw you bar people interstate from entering Queensland to see close family, while at the same time giving exemptions to 400 Australian Football League officials and Hollywood A-listers such as Tom Hanks. To quote that scientific formula you outlined last year, “I have given exemptions for people in entertainment and film because that is bringing a lot of money into this state and, can I say, we need every single dollar in our state”.
It was science that led you to regard AstraZeneca as having been brewed by Beelzebub himself. But only a month after decrying its use, science galvanised you to implore the over-60s to take that same vaccine. “We have plenty of AstraZeneca vaccine out in Queensland,” you said. Small wonder there was a surplus.
It was science that this week saw you stubbornly repeat your opposition to young adults receiving AstraZeneca, even when ATAGI amended its advice to specify those in hot spot areas should consult their doctor about doing just that. And it was science that just 24 hours later led to you changing your stance and advising the same.
Asked recently by an impertinent journalist whether you bear responsibility for the take-up rate of vaccination in this state you replied, “I don’t believe we have the highest vaccine hesitancy”. Your Excellency can rest assured knowing Queensland, of all the states and territories, has recorded not the lowest but the second-lowest percentage of those fully vaccinated, as well as those who have received their first dose.
But to housekeeping now, and as part of your duties, you are required to reside in a palatial mansion in leafy Paddington overlooking the Brisbane CBD. At your service will be, among others, chefs, a butler, a chauffeur, personal secretaries, gardeners, and footmen. They will all defer to you and treat you with reverence. It is envisaged Your Excellency will have no trouble adjusting to this aspect of your transition.
The role of Governor is largely a ceremonial one, hence you effectively must act upon the advice of whichever government is in office. It will also require you to keep your personal opinion to yourself and refrain from dictating the lives of others. It is envisaged Your Excellency will find this aspect most challenging.
Now is the time to relax, put your feet up, and enjoy the largesse provided by the taxpayer. Think of how far you have come since you were a young child. As you told The Courier Mail in December: “I loved the ballet but it wasn’t going to be a career. I might have dreamt about it, but … it couldn’t be. I wasn’t good at it.”
Your Excellency is far too modest. After all these years you can still execute the most breathtaking of pirouettes.
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