The Mocker pondered the gobsmacking hypocrisy and diplomatic tomfoolery of the Kiwi Khrushchev, Jacinda Ardern, who banged a metaphorical Prada heel on a bemused Scott Morrison’s forehead while warning: “Do not deport your people or your problems”. Chris was unconcerned:
“Ardern is a lightweight. She is mostly fluff and very little substance. Morrison is right to just stand back and let her carry on — she will be gone soon enough.”
Kaboodleschnitzer kvetched:
“Jacinda is becoming a laughing stock in NZ, she’s being seen for the hypocrite that she is. She wasn’t elected PM, she was appointed by Peters. Now she can’t stand him down.”
Jason noted:
“In every story about foreigners bashing a Coalition government — or at least nipping at its heels like a noisy little dog — there’s an inevitability about the names of certain Australian celebrity big-mouths popping up to barrack for the other side.”
Glencoe observed:
“Surprised (Jane) Caro did not chip in her sixpence worth seeing she was leaving we truculent turds and moving to NZ. Another worthless threat unfortunately.”
Toby’s mum mused:
“ ‘ … that this was a case of ‘Australians being deported to New Zealand’. No, they are not Australians, they were neither born here nor became Australian citizens, so we can quite legally deport them from whence they came. I am sure that Jacinda fully knows it, but being the bully she seems to be she tried it on.
“But ScoMo, being the gentleman he is and also due to his hands being tied with the feminists calling out mansplaining and misogyny if he did, rightly kept his counsel. Full marks to ScoMo, zero to Ardern, she’s no diplomat!”
Jeremy joked:
“What the hill is ruspict?”
It grated on Greg:
“Ms Ardern is entitled to whatever opinion suits her, and she should speak up for the citizens of her country should they need her support. But none of that excuses her appalling manners and grandstanding — behaviour designed to appeal to some of her own constituency and to embarrass our PM. As a student if politics for all of my life I cannot recall ever observing such overt rudeness and testing the strength of our friendship. Roll on the NZ election.”
Berwin blasted:
“Jacinda Ardern, the past President of International Socialist Youth, a front for the Communist Party International, a position she has boasted about in promoting herself on the international stage. She is acting out the socialist script word for word, action by action. In insulting foreign nations she is inflicting collateral damage on her own country. NZ voters beware.”
Whack, said Warwick:
“As a New Zealander I am totally embarrassed at Ms Ardern’s rudeness to Scott Morrison in his own country. If she thinks this is going to get her votes in the upcoming election she will be in for a shock. The vast majority of my countrymen and women are disgusted with the behaviour of those deportees and have no sympathy for them.”
Peter proposed:
“There is a very simple solution to the problem. All New Zealanders coming to Australia should be required to apply for a visa just like every other nationality is required to do. New Zealanders have a very privileged opportunity in that they can come and live and work (or not work) without the requirement of an appropriate visa or taking citizenship. They have abused this privilege for years.
“Also their borders leak like a sieve and their citizenship threshold is low, so a lot of improper persons use NZ as a creaky back door to their ultimate desired country of residence; Australia. The relationship has long been grossly one sided. Enough, make them apply for visas and citizenship like everyone else has to, and that will reduce the influx of Kiwis and ipso facto, the deportation of criminals back to NZ.”
David declared:
“As a dual citizen I like many NZers are not fooled by the NZ PM. She only got to be PM by doing a deal with the Left (think Di Natale) and the Right (think Hansen). She might be the darling globally but not so in my home country. Furthermore, her berating of Morrison was undiplomatic and unprofessional.”
Chris’s contribution:
“World’s Queens of Woke: Current standings
1. Meghan Markle
2. Jacinda Ardern
3. Greta Thunberg
4. Jane Fonda
5. Helen Mirren
6. Cher
7. Lady Gaga
8. J.K. Rowling
9. Bette Midler
10. Susan Sarandon.”
–
As the world marvelled at Australia’s panicked rush to buy all the bog roll, supermarkets moved to ration supplies to four packs per customer. Kenny wasn’t taking it sitting down:
“I knew there’d be profits to be made from this virus!”
Neffi went McGyver:
“If you are caught short, you could use crepe or tissue paper cut into squares.”
No joke, said John:
“I did not panic buy and I’m over 65. As a result I am out of toilet paper. My local Coles and Woolworths have no stock. I have IBS. This situation is disgraceful. It is frightening as if the virus spreads the supply will get worse for all essential goods. A pandemic has been declared and ration coupons should be supplied by government during this crisis.”
Michael was measured:
“Funny how people react isn’t it. In the small country town I live in the supermarket (we only have one) has full shelves on everything. Locals are buying the normal amounts for their fortnightly shop and no sign of panic buying at all.”
Alex was angry:
“The only ones responsible for this madness are the media and their sensationalistic, obsessive coverage of a health event that should have been managed with simple calmness. We have 30 odd cases in Australia and the authorities are reasonably in control but yet people are behaving as if the Zombie hordes are just around the corner. The most ridiculous thing I have ever seen.”
Ashley improvised:
“The best alternate solution is a newspaper. Given the quality of a lot of the papers and articles these days, its probably an appropriate use.”
Roslyn reminisced:
“I don’t understand why people are buying up all the toot paper in the shops. When I was a young girl growing up on our family farm, there was no such thing. We used newspaper.
“The four children would rub the paper until it was soft then cut it into squares. Mum would thread string through one corner and hang it in the outside dunny.
“On special occasions, Dad would come home with a carton of apples. Each piece of fruit was individually-wrapped in soft, green tissue paper. Oh, happy days!”
Kanga cackled:
“Invited to dinner? Instead of a bottle of wine, a roll of toilet paper for the hosts may be the new in thing to bring.”
Grahame’s gut feeling:
“If there is a real crisis and we run out of food a lot of that toilet paper is going to go to waste.”
Trish’s TP tip:
“Stock up on 4-ply, then separate it. Voila! Each roll becomes four. Handle with extreme care.”
Don’t be rash, cautioned Ronald:
“Newspaper? How many times do you call out the plumber? Over here where I live, just a call-out costs me a hundred bucks the first hour … that hour includes travel time and excludes other items. Sparkies, plumbers and roofers cost the earth! I avoid them as much as I can. Hence newspapers is a ‘no go zone’ for the dunny, mate!”
Trevor’s theory:
“This toilet paper surge is good for the economy. If you manufacture toilet paper this means you can employ more people, perhaps take a holiday or buy a new car. We should be encouraging panic buying of bog roll. It is good for the economy. We should encourage panic buying of one mundane household item per week. Toothpicks next week, matches the week after, then bars of soap. We can stimulate the economy not through thoughtful stimulus but through sheer and utter stupidity.”
–
As universities threw money at Chinese students to pay for 14-day quarantine periods in third countries, it appeared the self-quarantine had turned into a fortnight of fun in the hot zone. Anthony was aghast:
“This is so concerning on many fronts. The infected individual was about to enter the university and potentially infect other students. It’s a sad reflection but I don’t trust these students to self-quarantine — the universities are said centres of excellence in academia but their blind acceptance of this is process is logically flawed. It’s all about the money and the Chinese dominance of Australia.”
Michael moaned:
“We all know it’s nothing to do with education. Universities are simply a visa purchasing facility.”
MSydney said:
“University chancellors, close down the universities for a couple of weeks and move to online learning. You are putting your students and staff at extreme risk. It is just a matter of time before there is an outbreak on an Australian campus.”
Ray raged:
“Like most decisions these days, the key driver is money ie profit. The salaries paid to vice chancellors is, to be frank, obscene. The PM is paid $549,250 to run a trillion dollar economy. The University of Sydney Michael Spence gets $1,527,669 University of New South Wales Ian Jacobs $1,288,478 University of Queensland Peter Hoj $1,199,999 Deakin University Jane den Hollander $1,109,999 Monash University Margaret Gardner $1,109,999 RMIT University Martin Bean $1,099,999 Flinders University Colin Stirling $1,075,000 University of Technology Sydney Attila Brungs $1,055,104 Macquarie University Bruce Dowton $1,010,000.”
Kate’s concern:
“We can’t ban international students any more than we can ban iron ore exports. We’d be broke in no time. It is a dilemma.”
John observed:
“It was always obvious that 2 weeks was insufficient. Moreover, Chinese students hanging out with other Chinese students in Dubai or elsewhere, prior to flying to Australia, could be infected after a week or more in Dubai — and fly to Australia before showing any symptoms. These may number in the hundreds or more.”
Ellie was incensed:
“What were the words used by an academic recently to describe the back door actions of universities to bring Chinese students in? Morally indefensible, especially in potentially exposing poorer countries without sufficient resources to COVID-19? You can throw in reprehensible as well. Fancy these hotbeds of left wing activity being run by raving, money hungry capitalists!”
Last word to Christine:
“So called left wing people have always had a double standard. Some are more equal than others. That was the moral from Orwell in Animal Farm. ‘Socialists’ have never managed to live their creed because greed and opportunity makes their utopias impossible.”
–
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